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73全国创新英语大赛优秀作文

2015-07-30

题目:;Directions:;Readthefollowingparagrap;Howdoyouunderstandvolunt;Comeandjoinusinvolunteer;OnVolunteer;黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班;Thedefinitionofthewordvo;Undoubtfully,thosevolunt;Peoplearo
题目:
Directions:
Read the following paragraph and write a composition as stated at about 300 words in 60 minutes. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness. In accordance with CRI news, the spirit of Chinese volunteers, from responding to the May 12 earthquake to the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. Official statistics show that china has accumulated about 8 billion hours of volunteer work from 380 million volunteers since 1993 and is going to have more and more volunteers, especially the youth.
How do you understand volunteer work? In what way(s) is it important to promote the well-being of individuals, families, communities and the world at large? Your writing ought to contain three parts, your viewpoint, the supporting ideas, and the conclusion.
Come and join us in volunteer work right now!
On Volunteer
黄昕彤 辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班
The definition of the word volunteer in Lougnan(Longman) Dictionary is someone who helps others sponstaneously(spontaneously) and willingly. That's true! Life is a style of enjoying yourself, not only by entertaing and enriding yourself, but also by the process of helping others.
Undoubtfully, those volunteers reveal their great love and passion for their country. Love is the eternal theme of the world, Without hove(love), it's like birds without wings, failing to show its talents of flying, It's like spring without flowers, burying is charming fragrants in the deep soil. Their volunty work unites China, shouing the world how united Chinese people are shocking the world of its cooperation.
People around the country are making their efforts to helping others, which leaves the world an impression that China is a veal country, and all the people here are like brothers and sisters, who cares a lot for others. You can never imagine how touched I was when I watched the TV program called “Moving China”. 13 peasants from tangshang volunteered to help those victims of Sichuang on hearing the tremendous earthquake happened there, leaving all their farm work done in the field they sacrifiled anything and helped others at any cost, for they knew the glant pains the earthquake brings to people. They can never forget how much pains they havendertaken in the earthquake and how much help they have received from the world. They compared their own feelings to the victims and passed the splrit on. In this sense, people will pass the spirit from generation to queneration, from China to all over the world. Then, how sweet will the World be!
I have a dream that one day, I will be a member of the volunteer team. I have a dream that oneday, I'll make contributions to China however slightest it may be. I have a dream that one day I'll be a founder of a world Charity, helping people all over the world. I'm firmly convinced that it will not only be a drean for me, but also a drean for people all over China, all over the world, and for the great Global Village.
专家建议:
整篇文章条理清晰,结构完整,总体感觉很好。但有个别语法错误,固定搭配有些用得不够准确,建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。
专家点评:
文章语言流畅,运用了修辞手法,展现出一定的语言功底。此外,论据生动有力,让人信服。如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。
陈茜 江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班
Dear grandfather:
How are you?
I am writing to invite you to join us, in the next year, to be a voluntear in the great event, which is to hold in Shanghai. We, a generation born in the 90s in our city, have made a team to do the volunteer work. And you are welcomed by all our team members awing to your great amount of knowledge about Chinese traditions and culture. Please don't tell me you are too old to do this job. I believe you are sure to accept my invitation after reading my following explannation of the importance of the volunteer work.
Nowadays, volunteer work, which has raised public interest and concern, is becomming more and more popular throughout the world. As is known to all, volunteer work is not only meaningful but also necessary. One my personal wete, what's more, it's interesting and pleasant! It help us develop oursel .
Firstly, for individuals, especially those young, to do volunteer work is an awailuabe wany to goin social experience. By doing volunteer work, they can meet vorrious people and they may run across all kinds of troubles. They however, can become mature and determined by solving these problems. You know, no pains, no gains. Also, individuals will realize that they do make a difference in someone else's life, even the whole event, the world! Their confidence can be rovised and confidence is what it takes to do any job well.
For families, if you're the side that received the help of the volunteers, of couse your issue will be more easily dealt with. If you're the side who give others your hand, you will realize there exists no better way to educate your children that “a virtwre deserues amother” because you'll get the best present - smile deeply from one's heart, in the whole world.
It is a great chance for all members getting closer to each other in communities by taking part in volunteer work. Their team spirits, their co-operation will be great improued. So, why not?
The most importantly, for the whole world, for the entire human race, volunteer work will make earth a better place to live in, it is through volunteer work that we know there are so many people are willing to help others although they can't get money from it. It is through volunteer work that we know we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all families.
My dear grandfather, canre on! Join us and help introduce owr great Chinese culture to the world. 21 centuring is on open cewtury. You can trust yourself and please trust us, too! We'll help you and we need you help! Let's make the world a better place by being a volunteer! It's a small step for us but it is a leurge one for the whole world!
Love you.
Your granddaught.
专家建议:
句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位,建议多练练关联词的用法。词汇不够丰富,句型变化不多,建议多看些范文,多练一些经典句型。
专家点评:
文章立意很好,整体结构清晰,语言大体流畅,还能够引经据典,显示出有一定的英语(论坛)文化底蕴。
To be a volunteer ,Bring a ray of sunshine
陈天悦 山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班
Dear Tom:
It is a great pleasure for me to have the wondeful chance to put pen to paper and send my greetings to you. You said that you wanted to be a volunteer and didn't know whether you should or not. I want to help you analyse it.
In my opinion. I think it is not noly a good chance to help others but also a good opportunity to make selp-improvement. You'd better participate in the volunteer work. If we compane youth to flouers, as is often the case, then the young volunteers are the most beautiful flowers. By joining in the vounteer work, you will leam how to help others and how to love others. What's more you can also find it out that there are many people suffering from disaster and then you will value your comfortable life. Although you may feel very tired as a volunteer and it may cost you much time to help others, I still insist that you should be a volunteer because the advantages bright about by volunteer work overweigh the
disadvantages.
It all the people refused to be volunteers, the people suffered from the may 12 earthquake could lose heart and most of them wouldn't have the chance to survive from that disaster. If none of the people wanted to be a volunteer, the Beijing olympic Games would be a failure. If every people didn't feel like being a volunteer, there would be no people cleaning the environment and protecting the beautiful scenery automatically. It was terrible! From all mentioned above, volunteers play a very important part in our daily life. To be a volunteer will gain glory for China. As is brow to all, Chinese children are always laughed at for lack of practice. So to be a volunteer is a good chance to canpensate for it.
From my point of view, it's high time that you became a volunteer and learned to help others. If everyone makes a contribution to helping others, the world will be much more beautiful!
At last, wish you all the best!
Yours sincerely.
Lily.
专家建议:
一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准,但结构显然不够简洁清晰,所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章,有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。
专家点评:
文章二三段的结构很混乱,建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性,并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写,而不是都堆在一段内,让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证,很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富,比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用:help others就显得过于单一了~ Volunteers
李彦妮 辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中10.14班
There is a vivid saying that every glorious event is justifiably connected with volunteers who is a group of people, holding the fundemental to help others without pay-back benefits. In 1993, when the new word burt out among social society, most of us gave a slur to it in considering of economy. The special group, however, is just like a river - small at first, contained within its banks, flood passionally then merged into the sea, for the sense of moral considerations. And now, I quite support to be a volunteer.
We can never forget these moving scenes: A group of adolecents from Beijing dashed to the City of Wenchuan who gave up their comfortable living situations and picked up the heavy burden to save people buried into the ground, while a middle aged white collar who threw away his computer and salary came here to fetch wictims' lives from the death. It is volunteers who rushed to this place which has suffered from the catastrophe that gave a great help to those victims in need. A volunteer can support a piece of sky, and this one reason I am eager to join them.
Secondly, only a volunteer who is in active part in Beijing Olympic Games will he give a great help to those losers. It is volunteers who gave us a warm welcome to Beijing that put the glorious sports meeting from in chaos to in order. A person, as we know, who hasn’t join into the group of volunteer is one of the unfortunate victims of this society which is occupied with love. All of us are in high pressure in this adverse circumstance. Our mind catches hold of something and will not let it go, if we choose the way to argue with the mind, the stronger the will, the more fuitile the task, so we, should choose a way to help others, to see the smile from others. Then the pressure get out suiftly. I always go into rapture at a mere mention of being a volunteer and regard it as a person who is eager to help others or a group not in the same class with the suburban social-climbers. It seems a cliché but a saying which is an infallibility that a splendid case can not leave a volunteer just as a fish can not live without water.
专家点评:作者尽量用到了一些高级词语和句型,表明作者有一定的英语功底,但是小的错误频发,如单词拼写,语法问题,句子逻辑,这在某一方面也表明作者的基本功有待提高,继续努力。
专家建议:用词准确是写作的基础。对于学习英语的中国学生来说,背单词扩大词汇量是有必要的,但遗憾的是,学生们背的大都是单词的“外壳”,记的大都是单词的表意或字典提供的大致意思,而基本上忽视了词在语境中的作用和词的“精神”。这种只记单词表意的学习方法对提高语言的运用能力,特别是写作能力是极其不利的。
Let us shine
徐叶子 江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高二4班
Volunteers are just like diamonds in the sun, and the diamonds are forever, especially the youth. Volunteer work is just like a miracle. From the May 12th earthquake to the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, volunteer work made unbelievable contributions.
60 years ago our country was set up, today we will celebrate its 60th birthday. In this process, volunteer work did a lot of help and now our country is standing in the world just like a giant. In the past years, volunteers have helped a large number of people, the old, the young, the poor and the homeless. All the volunteers know that the road ahead will be long and cragged, but no matter what obstacles stand in their way they will never stop. Because they have a creed and they believe everything is possible. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers keep on going without hesitation. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers hand in hand and be with together forever. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers go to the edge of the world and let them know the true meaning of life. Do you know what the creed is? Yes, it is love. With love, volunteer work makes people open their mind and let them find the sky is theirs. With love, volunteer work makes people look into their hearts and let the sunshine in. With love, volunteer work makes people believe that smilers will never lose and frowners will never win.
I know something has changed because of volunteer work. I know it for real because it feels so right and the world looks so much brighter. Love is important to volunteer work and volunteer work is important to the whole world.
The infinite sky is motionless and the blue ocean is boisterous. This moment is perfect. Let us become volunteers and try our best in volunteer work. It can be the start of something new and it's our turn to learn some or win some. So, let's make a wish and get ready to shine like diamonds.
专家建议:
建议该考生在语言流畅的基础之上,注意两方面问题。第一,用词更具体些,避免使用语义较为空泛的表达,如learn some or win some。第二,文章华美有余,但逻辑层次不足。需加强句子与句子之间以及段落与段落间的逻辑性。
专家点评:
该作文使用了很多修辞方式,从这一点上看,作者在学习英语的过程中一定是位有心人,注重边阅读边积累背诵。同时能看出,作者一定是一位喜爱英文歌曲的人,文中很多表达都来自于音乐歌词。但在遣词造句时,需要区分口头表达和较书面表达,在这点上,文章还有提高的空间。
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