中西方社交礼仪的差异与融合
摘 要
礼仪文化是个较为广泛笼统的概念，它几乎涉及到社会生活的各个方面，为实现社会和谐起到了巨大作用。随着西方文化的涌入，中国传统礼仪也不断受到西方礼仪文化的影响。因此，本文着重从日常表达、餐饮礼仪、婚俗礼仪、商务礼仪等方面介绍中西方社交礼仪的差异，并且分析了中西礼仪差异的影响因素。基于前人的经验，本文提出提高社交礼仪的策略。通过提高社交礼仪，我们能够有效的同西方人进行交流。本文还探讨了中西方社交礼仪的的有效融合，帮助人们避免因各自文化的相互冲击而引起的误解，进而实现有效的跨文化交流。
关键词：社交礼仪 文化差异 跨文化交际 融合
Cultural Differences and Fusion in Chinese and Western Social Etiquettes
Abstract
Etiquette culture is a relatively general concept. It almost permeates all aspects of social life and plays an important role to realize the harmony in society. With the influx of western culture, Chinese traditional etiquette is influenced by western etiquette culture unceasingly. Therefore, the thesis aims to find out the differences of Chinese and western etiquette on the aspect of daily expression, dining, wedding, and business, and then to analyze the main factors which influence the differences. Based on the predecessors’ experience, the thesis throws out strategies of social etiquettes so that we can communicate effectively with westerners through improving our social etiquettes. The thesis also explore the reasonable fusion between Chinese and western etiquettes with the purpose of helping people avoid misunderstandings which are caused by their respective cultural collision and realizing valid cross-cultural communication.
Key word: social etiquette cultural difference cross-cultural communication fusion
Nowadays, social etiquette plays an important role for people and nations in showing respects to each other in international relationship. The etiquette can be said to be a person’s external appearance of inward cultivation and quality. Since different countries have different historical and cultural backgrounds, with the constant development of Chinese and western culture, Chinese and western etiquette is mutually fusing. The westerners gradually accept oriental culture, and Chinese also accept advanced western civilization and communicative mode. A lot of people realize the Chinese and western social etiquette will surely penetrate each other and continuously develop. The paper explores the differences of Chinese etiquette and the Western etiquette, and then states the fusion of two kinds of etiquette.
In chapter one, the paper mainly introduces the concept, origin and value of Chinese and western etiquette. In chapter two, the paper mainly states the difference between Chinese and western etiquette, which includes of daily expression in communication, dining etiquette, wedding etiquette and business etiquette. In this chapter, we can learn about many aspects of etiquette and avoid misunderstanding in international communication. In chapter three, the paper explains several factors that influence the difference between Chinese and western etiquette, which includes thinking modes, outlook on life, religion and concept of hierarchy. In this chapter, we will learn about some special culture which has important function to etiquette. In chapter four, the paper mainly explores some manifestation of fusion in Chinese and western etiquette. In modern society, it seems that the world is getting smaller and smaller, people are very active with frequent exchanges. Many countries are paying great attention to combining international etiquette creatively. Etiquette is common wealth of Chinese civilization and the western civilization.
Correctly grasping interpersonal dimension and relationship with others is the important guarantee of maintaining social harmony. Social etiquette not only is the necessity of quality-oriented education, but also is the strong requirement of social civilization progress. Social etiquette itself is a kind of special language, which helps people successfully open the door for communication activity and establish harmonious interpersonal relationship. Any social communication activities are inseparable from the etiquette. The more progressive human beings are, the more socialized the life is, and the more necessary that people need etiquette to adjust social life. Etiquette is the premise of interpersonal communication, and is the key of communicative life. Knowing the differences of international etiquette can help people grasp communication skills and accumulate the exchange experience. People both in China and in the West should respect each other with honesty and sincerity, and then people will know and understand more each other, and then people can establish sincere and deep relationship.
Etiquette refers to a code of conduct or normative summation that is formed by the factors of historical tradition, customs, religious belief, trend of the time and so on. It is identified and followed by people due to establish harmonious relations and all sorts of conformity with etiquette spirit and requirements [1].
To the individual, etiquette is the external performance of a person’s thoughts level, culture and communication ability.
To the people, etiquette is the crystallization of the human civilization and an important part of modern civilization. It embodies the respect both to others and to us. This respect is always combined with people’s life style organically, naturally and harmoniously and then to be people’s daily life and work behavior. These behavior standards contain personal civilization accomplishment, and also show out a people’s moral.
In China, there are many statements about the origin of etiquette.
Theoretically, the appearance of etiquette is to coordinate the subjective and objective need for people. Firstly, human must struggle with nature in order to survive and develop. They have to live in a social form of interdependence and restrict each other mutually. In group life, a distinction should be made between males and females, and ages have difference. It is not only a kind of natural ethical order, but a social order needs all members to guarantee and maintain. Human must know how to deal with the internal relationship very well. So people accumulate and make a series of rules gradually and this is the original etiquette. Secondly, etiquette is originated from the necessary balance of meeting desire and condition for realizing the desire. In order to avoid contradiction and conflict when people realize their desire, they need to institute etiquette to limited desire.
On the aspect of specific ceremony, etiquette is originated from ritual activities of religion. The content of original ritual activities is mainly to sacrifice to heaven and pray to the gods. These ritual activities developed gradually and became sacrifice etiquette. With the development of society, people know more about all kinds of relationship between nature and society, only sacrifice to heaven and pray to the gods cannot meet the needs of the realistic complex relationship. So people extend a series of blessing activities including content and form to all kinds of interpersonal activity which is from initial sacrificial ceremony to every field of various social etiquettes.
In the west, the word “etiquette” came from French and means court passes. In ancient
Western etiquette sprouts from the medieval
In our daily life, we will meet our friends or relatives everyday. We need use a lot of daily expressions to communicate with people around. But there are many differences between
Greeting is used to create or maintain social relationship when people meet acquaintances or friends. So, people often use some polite formulas. But because of cultural differences between China and western counties, these polite formulas always cause conflict in people’s communication.
In the West, people often use the following expressions to greet each other, such as “Good morning / evening / afternoon!” “Fine day, isn't it?” or “How is everything going?” However, in China, people are used to say, “Have you eaten yet?” or “Where are you going？” so as to express concern to others. But for westerners, “Have you eaten yet?” means you want to entertain the one you are greeting with. After your greeting with this sentence, if he / she replied “Not yet”, you should play the host. As for “Where are you going”, this kind of greeting will make western friends feel sudden, embarrassed and even unhappy. Because westerners will regard this kind of greeting as cross-examination and think that you are too much personal.
Parting is usually divided into two steps. Before the final farewell, there is a hint that is not same due to different cultures.
In western societies, at the final parting time, guests usually will tell the host why they have to leave from their own angle with some expression of apologies, such as “I’ m afraid I must go now because the babysitter is going to be off duty”, etc. Westerners believe that visiting and having a conversation with others is a reflection of respect. Finishing visit is not their own wishes, but because of other arrangements. Therefore, they always look for some reasons and try to make themselves seem to be reluctant to leave in order to make both sides comfortable.
In china, at the end of invitation, guest usually find some reasons from the host’s angle, such as “You look very busy, and I'd better go now”, or “You must be very tired and please have a rest after I go”, etc. Guests will say these words as stand up from the chairs. The hint of Chinese farewell is short and quick, and westerners will feel very suddenly and disoriented.
Both Chinese and western names contain two parts: family name and given name. But in
In china, family name should be put before given name. People like to plus a word "Xiao" in front of family name, such as “Xiao Wang”, “Xiao Li”, or “Xiao Chen”, etc. For the familiar, intimate, junior and lower people, Chinese can call them full name directly. But westerners are used to address others in an equal way. For example, in western family, children can call their father and mother’s name directly, call all men elders “uncle” and call all women elders “aunt”. Chinese can not do like that, otherwise, you will be regarded as a person who is not polite.
In the West, family name is always after given name. On formal occasions, people address man with “Mr.”, married women with “Mrs.” and unmarried women with “Miss”. Now, most women prefer to be addressed “Ms.” In introduction, people often use name directly, not title. Besides, there are several traditional titles that usually used in daily life, such as Doctor, Professor, Senator, President, Mayor, Governor and military appellation. Westerners can not tolerant others addressing them “Shi Fu”, because “Shi Fu” means a low rank in society.
Apology is the development of social civilization, which is related to social basic structure and cultural tradition. In the west, we can hear “I’ m sorry” here and there. But Chinese traditional culture does not nurture people with apology behavior in oral and public way. People also do not have the habit of blurting out “I’ m sorry”, “Excuse me” or “I'm wrong”. But we can not say that Chinese society has no apology culture.
Because of modesty, Chinese often apologize for what they do although they have done it very well. For example, when Chinese treat their guests, they will apologize for their guests of small room and small number of dishes, although the room is big enough and there are many dishes. But westerners would wonder, since the room is so large and there are so many dishes, why they say so. Maybe they do not welcome our visit or do not like us to eat more. When Chinese contact with westerners, if they do not know these differences, the misunderstanding will make everybody unhappy.
In addition, the ways to respond to apologies are different, too.
A: Oh, I'm sorry. I forget.
B: It doesn't matter.
C: That's all right.
B is a westerner. C is a Chinese. “It doesn't matter” is a translation of “没关系” from Chinese, which is a common pattern in Chinese to reposed to apologies. But to westerners, “It doesn't matter” will make them think that you are a sharp person who can not simply forgive a very little mistake.
“Thank you” is widely used both in China and in the West to show gratitude in such cases as being invited, helped, given a gift and so on. Cultural differences make Chinese and westerners express thanks and responses in different ways. In China, “Thank you” is often uttered for acknowledging favor or gratitude to not very familiar people or stranger, but in the West, it is usually a means to show gratitude or grateful feeling to everyone who offers help to us, even very little help.
For example, “Thank you” is used more widely by westerners than Chinese, for minor favors like borrowing pencil, asking directions, requesting someone to pass on a message, etc. For westerners, each person is an equal individual, no matter he /she is a family member or not. Without using expressions of gratitude, misunderstanding may arise because the help seem to be taken for granted and is not appreciated. In
The responses for thanks are also different. In the West, native speakers may say “You are welcome”, “It is my pleasure”, “Not at all” or “Don’t mention it” to response. While Chinese may say “This is what I should do”, which may convey to westerners the message that Chinese did not really want to do it, or that he / she did it only because it was his / her duty.
About dinning etiquette, there are many differences exiting in different countries. Sometimes Chinese think some behaviors are polite, but westerners may think it is very unacceptable. Some Chinese special dining etiquette may become rude action in the West.
In Chinese banquets, people are used to choosing round table to entertain their guests. But there are several rules about seating arrangement. Firstly, the host should sit facing the front door. The chief guest and deputy chief guest should sit at the right and the left of the host. Secondly, the distance to the host decides the status of the guests. The one who is closer to the host shows that who is more honorable. Thirdly, if the distance to host is the same, the right seat of the host is more honorable. Fourthly, if the identity of chief guest is higher than the host, for showing respect, chief guest should be arranged at the host seat and the host will sit at the chief guest’s location.
Fig 2.1 Round Table Seating Arrangement
In the West, people often use the long table. At the same table, the one who is closer to the host is the most honorable. For example, in
Fig 2.1 Long Table Seating Arrangement
In
In the west, after sitting, people should cover the napkin on their knees. When use the napkin, an important rule is that napkin should always cover knees unless you have to stand up. If you have to leave the table, put the napkin on the chair, not on the table. In the dinner, if people see somebody put the used napkin on the table, this behavior will spoil the others’ appetite. When everyone will leave the table, they will fold the napkin roughly, but need not keep napkin very neat.
2.2.3 Chinese and Western Dining Etiquette Taboo
When taking food, dining etiquette taboo is different. Chinese should not glance left and right, and can not pick and choose in the public dishes. People should ask others for help when out of reaching dish, and avoid leaving their own seat to get dishes. During the dinner, do not burp and make noise when people have noodles and soup. In the west, people do not make the noise of knife-scraping plate and always speak loudly. When people drink soup, they should spoon soup without noise. When people eat brand, they cut it into two parts and then tear into small cakes to eat. They do not eat fruits in whole, and they use fruit knife cut it into several blocks, and then remove skin and nuclear, using a fork to eat. They do not take food for others with their own tableware. Bone or food that people do not eat can not be thrown on the ground or on the tablecloth, and should be put in the corner of plate.
About dining etiquette taboo of talking, there is a lot of aspects needing to pay attention to. Chinese stress lively atmosphere, and like to chat while they are eating. The content should avoid privacy, shallowness, vulgarness and so on. However, westerners stress quiet atmosphere. People just talk with right and left guest and should avoid loud laugh. Don’t just talk with few acquaintances. If you do not know your right and left guest, give them an introduction. Don’t interrupt others’ conversation.
At the end of the party, the way of leaving is different. In china, only the host can signal the end of party. After the hosts stand up from their seats, other guests can leave later. The host should be at the door to see guests off, and the guest should show their thanks to host. But in the West, people should pick up the napkin from their knees first and then fold the napkin putting it on the left of table. Guests can not leave until the host has left. If necessary, guests can thank host by phone or thanks card after dinner.
Marriage is one of the common systems in human society. Throughout history, marriage is very important to everyone. Wedding is a ceremony showing marital relationship between husband and wife to public. So in almost every kind of social culture, people have their own custom of wedding. With the development of society and the effects of globalization, wedding culture is changing constantly. Our wedding culture is also shocked by western wedding culture. Nowadays, young people usually prefer the occidental Chinese wedding. So under the environment where countries’ cultures exchange, many differences does exist between Chinese and western wedding etiquette.
The first one is wedding location. For Chinese people, wedding ceremony should be very grand and lively. Many friends and relatives will be invited, so the wedding place is often arranged in yard or hotel where the transportation is convenient and the space is capacious. While western wedding ceremony stresses gravity and holiness, the ceremony is usually arranged in church or some other quiet place and is not as lively as Chinese wedding ceremony.
The second one is wedding process. In Chinese wedding ceremony, the new couple will hold three bows ceremony: Firstly, bow to Heaven and Earth; secondly, bow to parents; thirdly, bow to each other. In western countries, the new couple will make the oath of love under the witness of minister. Wedding party in china and western countries is quite different. Chinese usually hold wedding ceremony where they hold the wedding banquet. The main content of Chinese wedding party is that friends and relatives get together to have dinner. During the wedding banquet, bride will generally change one to two sets of clothes, and toast to guests at each table. In western countries, wedding party is usually held after the wedding ceremony in church. Wedding party is accompanied by dance party, and the wedding dance party may have some special mode. The ceremony will not end with toasting and celebrating until the new couples go away by car. The new couple will begin their honeymoon with their friends and relatives’ blessing.
In the West, the main color of wedding is white. In western wedding, the bride generally wears white wedding gown representing holiness and loyalty. The bride’s bouquet and adornment of surrounding environment are almost white tone. In China, the main color of wedding is red because red color is Chinese traditional festival color. Bride usually wears a red dress. Red XiZi are labeled everywhere. Most of items in new house are red. Now due to the influence of western wedding custom, more and more Chinese people accept white wedding dress. But the bride usually wears white wedding gown at the start of wedding banquet, and then will change red or other color dress.
Business etiquette is a kind of behavior criterion to embody mutual respect each other in commercial activity. In short, business etiquette is a universal requirement for appearance and manners. As the globalization, people need pay more attention to business etiquette to avoid misunderstanding in world trade.
In western civilization, time has a starting point. Time is flying and very precious. There is one day that the time will be used out. However, in Chinese civilization, the change of time is coordinated with natural rhythm, which is like a spiral movement, such as seasonal alternate or plant cycle. Chinese people believe that if today ends, there are countless tomorrows. The time will never be used out [5].
Americans have a motto: Time is money. They regard time as the equivalent of money. Time let them create money. Thus, they do pay attention to plan, and act in strict accordance with timetable, and finish all things on time. In business communication, booking is western common social habits. The more important the things to do, the earlier you need to plan them. But, Chinese people pay more attention to interpersonal harmony and natural development of items. They will never allow time to be a hindrance. So time seems to be very rich for them.
In the west, people do not pay attention to the past, but for the future. Especially Americans, rarely review the past and always look to the future. In their mind, the future can be controlled by them, at least can be influenced by them. All the things happened now is just for better future. In
Western scholars’ study shows that view of space has certain relations with personal thinking mode, mood, economic and social behavior. In different countries, different groups have different view of space. When Americans are working, door’s opening means they are willing to communicate with outside, and door’s closing means they do not want to be disturbed by outside. However, in
Generally speaking, the essence of interpersonal communication is culture. Different countries have different culture, so the etiquette in the West and in
The thinking mode of westerners pays more attention to logic and analysis. They need full evidence before they believe one thing, or make a full preparation before deciding something. If you tell westerners something without full proof, they will think you do not respect them. In a word, to the westerners, evidence is the first. However, Chinese traditional thinking mode is intuition. Due to the influence of the traditional culture, Chinese usually specially pay attention to the experience and feelings in the process of doing something. Chinese are used to judging others by their own experience or feelings. What they say most in their life is the sentence “I think…”. Compared with western thinking mode, Chinese thinking mode is obviously general and vague. Essentially, thinking formulary often ignores individual differences, accompany with emotion and creed. In all the thinking formulary, some are right and some are wrong, which will directly lead to the misunderstanding of intercultural communication.
The outlook on life in western culture is individualism, but in Chinese culture is collectivism. Westerners’ life purpose is to fully meet individual rights and desires. As for Chinese, their life purpose is not only to consider individual needs, but the universe, nature and general people are the premise of goals of life.
3.2.1 Self-centeredness and Selfless Contribution
Westerners have strong self-centeredness and independent consciousness which mainly display in their own responsibility for themselves. They think everyone’s living style and quality of life depends on his ability. So everyone must struggle for themselves and put personal interests first. They have no habit to help others and care about the affairs of others, because being initiative to help others or accepting help from others is often embarrassed for westerners. In the west, most of the time, accepting others’ help is regarded to be incapable, and being initiative to help others is thought to interfere with others’ business.
Chinese culture values a noble sentiment that is Selfless Contribution. In
3.2.2 Spirit of Innovation and the Golden Mean
Westerners pay attention to individual indulgence, innovation development and honor publicity. Chinese pay attention to modesty, cautiousness and unbiasedness. Western culture advocates individual innovation and encourages people to do some extraordinary career that predecessors had never done. Chinese culture do not advocate showing out individual honor in personal achievement but humbleness and cautiousness. In westerners’ opinion, this kind of modesty not only denies people themselves, but also denies others’ percipient. Chinese traditional culture requests people to choose the Golden Mean. Chinese usually worry about innovation risk, and are always overcautious and indecisive before doing something. They hope everything is safe, and prefer maintaining current situation and harmony. Of course, in recent years,
The westerners pay more attention to individual freedom and independence. They are not willing to be subjected to any limitation. They advocate showing their own personality. The more show their character, the more value they reflect. So there is strong competition consciousness among people. They get their interests by competition. The realization of one’s interests and the meaning of value are perfect combination in one’s life.
Chinese culture emphasizes on collective interests. Personal interests should be subject to the overall social interests, only the overall society obtains the development, individuals can get their interests. They advocate unity, cooperation and unison.
After 2000 years of Chinese feudal despotism, imperial authority is more powerful than theocratic authority. Generally speaking,
The concept of hierarchy in
In the west, most of countries advocate equality except for British and very a few other countries which have strict hierarchy. Especially in
In modern society, the westerners gradually accept oriental culture, and Chinese also accept advanced western civilization and communicative mode. A lot of people realize the Chinese and western social etiquette will surely penetrate each other and continuously develop. It seems that the world is getting smaller and smaller, people are very active with frequent exchanges. Many countries are paying great attention to combining international etiquette creatively. Here the paper will give out some manifestation of fusion in Chinese and western etiquette.
With the development of globalization, Chinese and westerners have accepted parts of other countries’ daily communicative etiquette. Now, most Chinese no longer ask “Have you eaten yet?” when they meet friends, they are used to greet directly with “Hi, Hello, Nice to meet you” and so on. Americans also simplify Chinese greetings “好久不见，一切还好吧” to “Long time no see, how are you”. In addition, “Thank you” and “Sorry” can be blurted out at any time in China now, even for a very little trifle. Besides, in some Chinese family, people begin to stress equality, so family members sometimes will call name directly. Westerners pay more attention to independence. For example, in winter, if you tell a westerner, “It is rather cold, you had better put on more clothes”, the westerner may be unhappy. They do not like others tell them what should do because they think they can decide it. If you say, “It is rather cold, take care, please”, the westerner will feel the warmness in your words.
Now in
In
In some western countries, people will make their wedding invitation card with Chinese paper-cutting style. Most of time they use two white swans to replace Chinese style two mandarin duck.
After wedding party, most of bride and bridegroom will step on the journey of honeymoon.
Chinese and westerners have different concept on time and space, but some of other aspects have been combined to some extent.
Clothing is the second skin for human. The first impression, especially the clothing, is quite important in business communication. In business occasions, good dressing can reflect a person's identity, status, taste and accomplishment, and also can reflect that if you pay attention to etiquette. Now in
Now “Lady First” is an international etiquette. Most Chinese men are willing to be a gentle man and accept this etiquette. For example, in business occasion, if a lady reaches out her hand first, handshaking will be done then. Women's status has improved a lot.
Conclusion
Etiquette is a kind of culture, so if it is culture, it will have longitudinal inheritance and horizontal reference and fusion. It cannot be denied that today's international etiquette is mainly from western etiquette. The reason of this phenomenon is not because western countries are powerful, but is the unification of western values. Because of the religious beliefs, westerners accept the etiquette when they are young and use the etiquette naturally in communication. High combination of spirit, material, politics and culture make people get high self-confidence and superiority, which endows with western culture strong appeal and make people regard western etiquette as world standard.
From the current situation of research, there is not much study on fusion of Chinese and western etiquette. Based on comparing Chinese and western etiquette, the thesis is mainly to find the conjunction point of the two kinds of etiquette, to face the challenges and opportunities of fusion, and to avoid accepting western etiquette or abandoning Chinese tradition blindly. Finally, for the terms of fusion, the paper list some examples and some suggestions, which has showed out the globalization phenomenon.
Now
Etiquette is the foundation and direct reflection of entire social civilization. A society that lacks of etiquette is not a mature society. A society that has no standard of etiquette is not a harmonious society. Today
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Acknowledgement
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