原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.com 翻译：翻译加工厂 转载请注明出处
-------------译者：迷你小勇士-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------
Will Taylor former Mad Scientist/Gene Splicer at Umbrella Corporation (1990-2016) upxed Oct 23
“Look dude you can shoot me if you want but I’m just here for the coffee.”
“嘿，小子。如果你想的话你可以对我开枪，但我只是为咖啡而来的。“
I had just gotten finished working a 16-hour open-to-close shift as a video arcade tech at a theme park (8am-midnight). My drive home was about 45 minutes meaning it would be close to 1am when I got home. Dead tired I pulled into the parking lot of a 7–11 (convenience store) went inside and headed straight for the coffee pot. The only other person in there was the female clerk behind the counter.
我是某主题公园一家电子游戏厅的技术人员，那时我刚完成我长达16个小时的轮班工作（从早上8点到午夜12点）。我开车回家大概需要45分钟，也就是说我到家时将近1点。我累得要命，把车停在7-11（便利店）的停车场，走进店里然后直奔咖啡壶。另一个唯一在店里的人是一名站在收银台后的女店员。
I was dressed in a blue polo shirt (nametag still attached) and khaki pants.
我当时穿着蓝色的Polo衫（吊牌还在上面）和卡其裤。
I got a cup set it on the counter and grabbed a couple of creamers (hazelnut) to pour in.
我拿了一杯咖啡放在收银台上，抓了几个奶精（榛子味）放进去。
A kid walked in marched up to the counter whipped out a pistol and told the clerk to hand over all the cash. The clerk dutifully opened the cash register and began yanking out the money.
一个孩子走进店里，在走到收银台前时，突然拿出一把手枪，并叫店员交出所有现金。店员老老实实地打开收银机并开始拿出钱。
I continued fixing my coffee switching my view from the coffee cup to the drama at the counter. At that time they were using actual coffee carafes (as opposed to the insulated jugs they use now) and when I set the carafe back on the warmer it made a thunking sound.
我一直握着我的咖啡，视线从咖啡杯切换到收银台前的闹剧。在那时，他们使用的是真正意义上的咖啡壶（与他们现在用的保温壶截然不同），当我把咖啡壶放回加热处时发出了巨大的声响。
The kid whirled to see me standing on the other side of the store slowly stirring my coffee.
那个孩子转身看到我站在商店的另一边，慢慢地搅拌着我的咖啡。
“Don’t move! Don’t you fucking move! I’ll kill you man!” he yelled.
“别动！尼玛别动！我会杀了你的！”他大喊道。
“Look dude you can shoot me if you want but I’m just here for the coffee. I just worked open to close at that amusement park up the road and all I want is the coffee” I replied raising my hands to my shoulders. “See? My hands are empty.”
“嘿，小子。如果你想的话你可以对我开枪，但我只是为咖啡而来。我在这条路上的一家游乐园里上班，从开始营业一直工作到闭场，我才刚下班，我想要的只是咖啡，“我回道，同时把双手举到肩膀。”看到了吗？我手上什么也没有。“
The clerk finished pulling out the cash and handed it to the kid who ran out the door.
店员把拿出的钱都交给了那个孩子，孩子拿到钱后就夺门而出。
With the kid gone I grabbed my coffee and made my way to the counter whilethe clerk called the cops.
孩子走了之后，在我抓着我的咖啡走向收银台的同时，店员正在报警。
“Would you stay until the police get here?” she asked.
”你可以待到警察来吗？“她问。
Goddammit…I just want to go home and go to bed. I have to get up early for another open-to-close shift…
该死......我只想回家睡觉。明天我的轮班又是从开始营业一直持续到闭场，我必须得早起啊.......
“Sure” I answered. “They’ll want my statement anyway.”
“当然，”我回她。“他们总会需要我的陈述。”
I got home at 3am.
我3点才到家。
Got a free cup of coffee out of the deal though.
不过，我从这笔交易中得到了一杯免费咖啡。
Some of you are wondering if the kid was ever caught. I don’t know and I don’t care.
你们中的一些人一定想知道那个孩子被逮捕到了没。我不知道，我也不在乎。
All I wanted was the coffee.
我想要的只是杯咖啡。
-------------译者：风起云团-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------
Tevin Lynch Amateur drawer painter and writer Answered Nov 26
It was my 16th birthday and my parents were running out of ideas for presents so they decided to give me the money and let me buy whatever I wanted.
在我16岁生日时，我的父母因要送我什么样的生日礼物而感到犯愁，所以他们决定直接给我一笔钱让我自己去买想要的东西。
Being the huge geek that I am I decided that I wanted some comic books. And not just any comic books I wanted the complete story arc of Flashpoint.
鉴于我当时的嗜好（我是个极客），我决定买一些想看的漫画书。而且并不是什么随便的漫画书就可以了，我真正想要的是一套完整的《闪点》。
（Flashpoint：闪点，是2011年的DC漫画大事件。闪电侠巴里·艾伦发现自己无意中改变了历史，使世界陷于战乱之中，为了将历史导回正轨，他再次修正了时间线，并在一个神秘女子“潘多拉”的影响下将DC宇宙重启。）
I went to a really good comic book store a couple of minutes away from my house. The place was big and almost empty. It looked a lot like this:
我去一家真心不错且离我家只有几分钟路程的漫画店。整个店面非常大，而且几乎是空的。看起来就像下面这样：
So there I was looking for all the comics that had the word “Flashpoint' on it when out of nowhere I hear a feminine voice behind me.
之后我开始寻找所有带有“闪点”字样的漫画书。不知过了多久，从我背后突然传来一位女性的声音。
Mysterious voice: Yes can I help you?
神秘的声音：请问有什么能帮到你的呢？
I turn around and see the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Light brown skin really dark long hair blue eyes and glasses. She was even wearing a Batman t-shirt.
我转过身去接着看到了也许是我所见中最漂亮的女孩。浅棕色的皮肤，乌黑的长发，眼镜下那蓝色的眼眸。她甚至还穿着一件印有蝙蝠侠的T恤。
Me: Emmm… yeah. I was looking for the Flashpoint comics.
我：额...是的，我正在找漫画《闪点》。
Girl: Flashpoint? That's a really good choice. I thiiink we have a complete hardcover edition with the 5 issues. Would you like to see it?
女孩：《闪点》？这真是个不错的选择。我好像记得我们有全部5本的完整精装版。你要看看嘛？
Me: (trying to be cool) Yeah sure.
我：（试着装的酷一点）当然。
Girl: Ok. I'll get it for you.
女孩：好的，我这就去帮你拿。
She then goes for about 3 minutes and comes back with a package that reads “Flashpoint” with Flash directly beneath the shiny title letters.
她接着离开了三分钟左右，然后带着一套《闪点》套装本回来了，其中“闪点”的闪字镀上了一层金色。
Girl: So here it is. It contains all of the 5 issues of the main series.
女孩：这就是了。它包含了主系列你所有的5本故事。
Me: Great. And how much it costs?
我：棒极了。一共多少钱？
Girl: 100 pesos.
女孩：一共是100比索（拉丁美洲一些国家和菲律宾的货币单位）。
100 pesos? For those of you who are not familiar with the economy of Argentina not even one comic book could cost 100 pesos they are easily around 250 pesos maybe a little more. And she was selling me a hardcover compilation book with five issues for less than half of one comic.
100比索？给那些不是很熟悉阿根廷经济的人解释一下，在这里100比索哪怕是连一本漫画书也买不到，一本书至少250比索，也许更贵。而她居然以不到一本漫画一半的价格卖给我一套有五本书的精装版。
Me: I'm sorry. How much?
我：抱歉，一共多少？
Girl: 100 pesos.
女孩：100比索。
Me: (without thinking it twice) I want it.
我：（想都不再想）我要了。
We went to the counter I paid she took the money putted in the register placed my new relic inside a plastic bag and gave it to me. After chatting a little bit I went home.
我们去收银台，我把账结了，她收了钱将其放到收银机里，把我的书放到塑料袋里然后递给了我。之后我们聊了一小会然后我就回家了。
A couple of days after that I'm walking with one of my friends and we pass in front of the comic book store. I wanted to say hi to the girl so I went in and ask for her.
几天之后，我跟朋友在外面散步，然后走到了那家漫画店前。我想着要去跟那个女孩打个招呼，所以我就进去找她了。
Here is where it gets really weird. The guy at the counter told me he didn't knew of any girl that worked there. All the staff consisted of guys.
然后奇怪的事发生了。前台的小哥告诉我他从来没听说过有任何女孩子在这里工作过。这里所有的员工都是男的。
Knowing that this couldn't be true I asked for the price of the hardcover edition of Flashpoint.
我觉得这很不可思议，于是问他《闪点》的精装版需要多少钱。
1050 pesos.
1050比索。
-------------译者：风起云团-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------
The weirdest thing that has happened to me in a store is having the girl of my dreams selling me a hardcover compilation book of one of the best comic book stories ever written at an incredible price only to find out days later that neither does the girl work there nor does the book have the price for which I bought it.
我遇到过的最奇葩的事就是在家商店里，一位梦中才有的美少女以一个低得不可思议的价格卖给了我一套店里最好的精编版漫画书，只不过几天后我发现无论是在店里工作的那个女孩还是那套书的价格实际上都是不存在的。
EDIT: 6.5k views and almost 400 upvotes? You guys are amazing. Thank you for them and for your feedback. Many wanted to know if the book was legit if I saw the girl again and what did I do afterwards.
注：6500次浏览和将近400个赞（后面点赞数至几千）？你们大伙太赞了。感谢你们的关注和回复。许多人想知道这书是否合法，以及万一我再遇到那个女孩我会怎么做。
In retrospective I should have returned the books or payed the full price of them my bad. But I was a 16 year old teenager who just got a package containing 5 comic books for almost nothing. Paying more or returning the comics didn't even crossed my mind.
老实说我应该把书还回去或者付清剩下的钱款。但当时我只是个16岁少年，没花多少钱就到手了一套5本漫画书合集。补钱或是还书这种事我根本想都没想过。
Yes the books were legit. All 5 issues of the Flashpoint main series.
没错，这些书是合法的。全套共5本的《闪点》主系列。
No unfortunately I never saw the girl again.
而不幸的是我再也没有见过那女孩。
Thomas Cormen Professor of Computer Science at Dartmouth College coauthor of Introduction to Algorithms author of Algor... Answered Oct 3
It was if I recall correctly in 1984. My wife’s grandmother had just passed away and I realized that I did not own a shirt appropriate for a funeral.
如果我记得没错，那是在1984年。我妻子的奶奶刚刚去世，而我意识到自己竟没有一件适合参加葬礼的衬衫。
I went to the Jordan Marsh store in Downtown Crossing Boston to buy a shirt. I was helped by a salesman an older gentleman (well older to my 28-year-old self at the time) who was quite obviously gay.
我便去位于波士顿市中心的十字路口处的乔丹玛什（Jordan Marsh）商店买衬衫。那里我得到一位售货人员的帮助，他是一位年纪比较大的绅士（至少比当时28岁的我要大），而且很明显他是个同性恋。
Seeing a shirt I liked I wanted to try it on and see how it really fit. In particular not just tuck it in but unzip my fly to tuck it in. I went into a dressing room. The salesman came in with me. (Yes I thought it was odd.) I unzipped my fly to tuck in my shirt.
当我看见一件比较喜欢的衬衫后，我就想试试看是否合身。特别要说明的是，不是那种随便把衬衫塞进去，而是需要解开裤子把衬衫放进去（再系上裤子）的衬衫。我进到更衣室里，而那位售货员也跟着进来了。（嗯，我觉得这就够奇怪了）然后我开始解裤子塞衬衫。
It was then that I heard the salesman mutter “Yummy.”
这时我听到那位售货员小声嘀咕着，“哎呦，真美味啊。”
I did buy the shirt but I got out of there as quick as I could. My wife and I always referred to the shirt as “the yummy shirt.”
我赶紧把衬衫钱给付了，然后尽可能得赶快离开那里。之后我和我的妻子就一直称呼那件衬衫为“美味衬衫”。
Just to be clear: I have no problem with anyone being LGBT etc. As long as they have no problem with me being heterosexual.
先声明一下：我就对LGBT人士没有偏见，只要他们对我是异性恋不存在偏见就行。
-------------译者：roroho-审核者：龙腾翻译总管------------
Alicia Piasecki High School Student upxed Oct 17
When I was 12 years old I was walking down a somewhat “sketchy” street in my city to run an errand when a man who appeared to be in his forties approached me.
当我12岁的时候，我走在一条有点“粗糙”的城市街道上去办点儿事，这时一个差不多四十多岁的男人向我走过来。
Man: “Hey.”
那人说：“嘿。”
Me: “Hi..?”
我说：“嗨.....?“
Man: “Come inside beautiful. Let’s have a chat.”
那男人说:“进来呀美女。让我们小聊一下。”
Holy shit. This is just like the plot of one of those stranger-danger videos I watched as a kid…
真是操蛋。这就像我小时候看过的一个有关危险陌生人视频里的情节…
Wait a second is that a bus coming this way from down the street?
等一下，沿着街道开过来的那是辆公交吧？
Me: “Sorry sir but I need to catch my bus. Have a good day.”
我说：“对不起先生，但是我要的公交车到了。祝你一天愉快。”
I sprinted to the bus stop and got on just in time to make my getaway.
我立马冲向公交车站，正好赶上车顺利溜走了。
Two years later I was in a store getting school supplies for the new school year. I was inspecting a few calculators when I see someone in my peripheral vision. I turn around only to see a store employee that looked somewhat familiar.
两年后，我在一家商店买新学年要用的学习用品。我正翻看着几个计算器的时候，某个人出现在我的视野范围内。我转过身去，只看到一名店员，不知为啥看上去竟有点眼熟。
Man: “Hey there. You’re still lookin’ even more beautiful than before. Do you need any help finding anything?”
店员说:“嘿，美女。你看起来比以前更漂亮了。你需要什么帮助吗?”
Oh my god not this guy again.. Why does he still remember me?!?
哦，我的天啊，又是这个人.....他为什么还记得我? !?
Me: “No thanks…”
我说：“不用，谢谢.....“
I quickly purchased the supplies that I had and left the store.
我赶紧买了我要的东西，迅速离开那家店。
Although he probably no longer works there I don’t plan on finding out. I still haven’t gone back to that store since that day.
虽然他可能不在那里工作了，但我可不想再踫见他。从那天起，我就再也没有去过那家商店。
-------------译者：roroho-审核者：hht288------------
Jon Toner Answered Oct 3
It’s the mid 1980’s. A guy comes in with a busty girl. She’s wearing an extraordinarily low cut shirt with arm holes that literally go halfway down the sides. She compounds this by not wearing a bra. Every bend every movement ensured absolutely NOTHING was left to imagination.
那是在1980年代中期。一个男人带着一个胸部丰满的女孩进来。她穿了一件特别低的低胸装衬衫，衬衫两边的袖子上还满是洞，松松垮垮地挂在她的胳膊上。她没穿胸罩就这样混搭着。她每一弯腰，胸前的风光就完全暴露，让人连一丝遐想的空间都没了。
She kept trying to draw my attention to various areas while he tried to slip away. While I did greatly enjoy the show I finally said to him in the next aisle “Hey buddy I appreciate the show and all but having your girlfriend show off her t*** so you can shoplift? Man that’s pretty low.”
当那个男人想在店里偷东西的时候，她一直不停地在那走来走去想吸引住我的注意力。好吧，我确实很享受他们呈现的“精彩”表演，但最后还是忍不住对在隔壁过道的男人说:“嘿，老兄，我很感谢你们的卖力表演，但是让你的女朋友对我骚首露胸（吸引住我的注意力）好方便你偷东西？？哥们，这招实在是太损太没含量了。”
They both suggested I attempt something anatomically impossible and left.
他们都“建议”我尝试一些解剖学上完全做不到的事（臭骂了我一顿），然后就离开了。
Dilip Vedula Consultant at Wipro (2016-present) Answered Nov 22
I am from India and I traveled to one of the east European countries (Poland) for the first time where not many people speak English. I went into a small grocery store and asked the person. “Excuse me Do you have some Coke?”
我来自印度，我第一次去一个东欧国家(波兰)旅游，那里没有多少人会说英语。我走进一家小杂货店，问一店员：”你好，请问有没有可乐？“
The salesperson reaction was like “WHATTTTTT???!!!”
那销售员的反应就像“（你在说）什么...... ？？！！！”
Me : “Do you have some Coke?”
我问:“有没有可乐？”
Sales person : (In Polish Accent) “we do not sell Coke. who has told you we sell coke here ?”
售货员：（用波兰语口音）“我们不卖可可。谁告诉你我们这里卖可可的？”
Me : I saw a person going out carrying it.
我：我刚看见有人买了可乐呀。
Sales person : “NOOOOOOO. We don’t sell Coke”
售货员：“不不不，我们不卖可可的。”
Me : (pointing the refrigerator) “There it is”
我说：（指着冰箱）“那就是呀。”
Sales person : “Oh. Cola. here it is”
售货员：“哦，可乐呀，给你。”
Lately I have realized that “Coke means Cocaine” . Oops. !!
后面我才意识到“（在那里）coke指的是cocaine可卡因”。哎呀呀! !
-------------译者：roroho-审核者：hht288------------
John Roberts I do woodworking upxed Oct 20
My wife and I were in an import store much like Cost Plus. It was just before closing time and the two employees were 20 something years old.
就在打烊之前，我和老婆走进一家进口商店，类似Cost Plus（成本加价）的那种平价店。当时那里有两名员工，差不多20来岁。
They were playing around chasing each other having a grand time. We were just browsing so it did not bother us.
她们正在互相追闹着，玩得很开心。我们只是在随意浏览商品，所以这并没有打扰到我们。
During one of their escapades they broke a bentwood rocking chair. It had a price of almost one hundred dollars.
就在她们的一次恶作剧中，她们打破了一把弯木制的摇椅。它的价格几乎要100美元。
Both of the girls panicked not knowing what to do.
两个女孩都很惊慌，不知所措。
I went over and looked at the chair and realized that I could easily fix it with the right tools which I had at home.
我走了过去，看了看椅子，意识到有合适的工具我可以很容易修好它，只是我的那些工具都在家里。
One of the girls was close to tears as she thought she would be fired in the morning when their boss came in.
其中一个女孩眼泪都快出来了，因为她觉得她的老板明早回来会把她解雇了。
I said “I will give you ten dollars for it and no one will know what happened.”
我就说：“我用10美元跟你买下这把椅子，没人会知道到底发生了什么。”
They agreed I fixed the chair and kept it for over 20 years; it was one of the most comfortable chairs I have ever owned.
她们同意了。我修好了那把椅子，一用用了20多年；那是我所拥有的最舒适的椅子之一。
EDIT I got a lot of flack for this answer. In my defense I was young. The chair required extensive repairs and was only worth $10 in the condition it was in. I am not sure how I would handle the situation with more maturity
另注：因这个回复好些人严厉谴责了我的行为。我只想辩护说，我当时很年轻。那把椅子需要大修，在那种状况下它只值10美元。我也不知道自己当时该以哪种更成熟的方法去处理那件事。
