好的思维就是客观地、实事求是地思维。人类的大脑天生就会肯定自己; 我们被设定为寻找证据来支持我们最想相信的东西。除非我们的潜意识是清晰的，否则这就是我们创造最令人信服的信念的方式。如果我们从小就被认为是社会弃儿，那么我们总是在寻找证据，证明我们实际上不被同龄人喜欢。
像大多数事情一样，扭曲的思维倾向于以模式发生。 我们并不孤单，在那些深深困扰着我们、让我们着迷或让我们恐慌的事情上，事实上，你可能会从这些事情有专门的术语中找到安慰。1981年，马修·麦凯博士、玛莎·戴维斯博士和帕特里克·范宁博士准确地描述了这些是什么，以及它们是如何表现的。以下是17种最显著的扭曲思维:
01. 过滤（戴有色眼镜看）。过滤是选择有选择性的视角和观点。它是把一种情况的消极细节放大，同时过滤掉积极的方面。挑出一个细节，并通过它将“好”和“坏”的体验彼此隔离开来，因此，它们会比现实中更大、更可怕(或更好)。
02. 极化（非此即彼的两极看问题）。扭曲的标志是对二分法的过度依赖。事情不是好就是坏，不是对就是错，没有介于两者之间。它是在极端中感知一切，并接近于中间地带。这往往在自我认知中表现得最强烈: 你要么完美，要么失败。
03. 过度泛化（以偏概全）。你会根据一项证据或一项经验得出结论。如果不好的事情发生了一次，出于对它会再次发生的恐惧，你期待它，这样你就可以“准备”它。这种思维通常需要使用“总是”或“从不”来说明问题。这种扭曲会导致受限的生活，因为你会避免经历，因为你会根据单个事件或实例来衡量失败。
04. 读心术（先入为主的偏见）。你假设知道别人的感受，以及他们为什么会这样做，尤其是当涉及到他们对你的感觉时。这通常是由于你自己的预测和偏见。你只能理解，人们在某些情况下的感受和反应方式和你一样，只是因为你不熟悉其他任何事情。
05. 小题大作（放大灾难）。你总是假设最坏的事情会发生。它是把随机的情况想象成最灾难性的结果。这是一种不相信自己、不相信自己有能力适应变化的症状。如果你想象最坏的情况总是发生，那么没有什么能让你感到震惊或惊讶。
06. 怀疑人格。你要在它如何影响和应用于你的上下文中解释发生的每件事。你认为人们所说的，所做的，所推断的都是对你有利或不利的。它是你无法意识到一个世界存在于你与它接触的方式之外。其他症状是试图将自己与他人进行比较，好像别人的智慧或魅力对你来说意味着什么。最基本的思维错误是，你把每一次经历、每一次对话、每一次眼神都解读为你的价值所在。
07. 控制谬误。控制谬误有两种发挥作用的方式: 要么你觉得自己受外部控制(你认为自己是无助的或命运的受害者)，要么你觉得自己受内部控制，这意味着你认为自己要为周围所有人的痛苦和快乐负责。这两种情况通常都是没有以一种健康、有效的方式控制你的生活的症状。
08. 公平的谬论。你相信你知道什么是公平、正确和公正的，而唯一的问题是其他人不同意你的观点。你不明白，真理是可以共存的，通过把你自己的观点视为有效的(经验已经证明了它们是有效的)，你认为它们对其他人也是有效的，如果他们只接受它们，他们的问题就会得到解决。
09. 无端指责。姐妹问题的投影。当你责备时，你认为每个人、每件事都要为你的痛苦负责。另一方面，你会为出现的每一个问题责备自己。无论如何，这是一种让某人或某事对某一问题负责的扭曲的方式。
10. 理所当然。关于人们应该做什么和不应该做什么，你有一列规则，这些规则在你的成长过程中被认为是绝对正确的。这些是通过文化、家庭、宗教、学校教育等强加给你的。违反这些规则的人会让你生气，你自己也会尽一切努力避免这样做。因为你相信这些规则是无可争议的，你把自己放在能够判断和发现你周围其他人的错误的位置上。
11. 情绪化。你相信你的感觉一定是真实的，而根本没有评估它。如果你觉得无聊、不被爱、不聪明、不成功，即使只是一瞬间——你会认为这是真的，因为你已经有了这种感觉。很多内部冲突都是由于无法调和我们的情绪和我们的思维过程。
12. 变化的谬论。你期望别人会改变，而且他们必须改变，因为你对幸福的希望依赖于此。这导致你给别人很多压力，而在现实中，你只是在腐蚀你和他们的关系。这种思维方式的基本假设是，你的幸福取决于别人的行动。你的幸福实际上取决于你在生活中做出的成千上万或大或小的选择。
13. 贴标签。你将你在你的直接社交圈中看到的一两个品质概括为对整个人类的判断。全球标签创造了一个刻板和单一的世界。用这种方式给自己贴上标签是对自尊的一种阻碍;这样给别人贴标签会导致感情问题和偏见。
14. 自以为是。你觉得自己似乎总是在受审，以证明你的观点、行动和选择是正确的，或者至少比其他选择更正确。错误与“坏”或不值得联系在一起。你对正确的需求经常导致封闭的思想，因为防御没有留下空间去考虑另一个想法，也许是一个比你自己更知情的想法。
15. 天上的奖赏谬误。你想象有人在记录你生活中所有的对错。你期望你的牺牲、善行或自我否定会有回报，即使没有明确的、合乎逻辑的方式。你一直在做“正确的事情”，即使你不喜欢这样做。这将导致身体和情感上的消耗，因为在牺牲和拒绝中并没有真正的奖励。
THE 15 MOST
COMMON
types of
DISTORTED
THINKING
To think well is to think objectively and factually. The human brain is wired to affirm itself; we are programmed to find evidence that supports what we most want to believe. Unless our subconscious is clear, it’s how we create our most compelling convictions. If we were raised believing we are social outcasts, we’re always seeking out evidence that we are, in fact, disliked by peers.
Like most things, distorted thinking tends to happen in patterns. We aren’t alone in the things that most deeply plague or fascinate or panic us, and in fact, you’ll probably find comfort in the fact that there are terms for them. In 1981, Dr. Matthew McKay, Dr. Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning outlined exactly what these are17 and how they tend to manifest.
Here, 17 of the most prominent types of distorted thinking:
Filtering. Filtering is choosing to have a selectively informed perspective. It is to take the negative details of a situation and magnify them while filtering the positive aspects out. Picking out a single detail and coloring entire events by it isolates “good” and “bad” experiences from one another, and therefore, they become larger and more awful (or better) than they are in reality.
Polarization. The hallmark of distortion is a hyper-reliance on dichotomies. Things are either good or bad, right or wrong, and no in-between. It is to perceive everything within extremes and be closed to a middle ground. This tends to manifest most strongly in self-perceptions: You’re either perfect or you’re a failure.
Overgeneralization. You come to conclusions based on a single piece of evidence or a single experience. If something bad happens once, out of fear that it will happen again, you expect it so you can “prepare” for it. The language this kind of thinking usually entails is the use of “always” or “never” to illustrate a problem. This kind of distortion can lead to a restricted life, as you avoid experiences because you gauge failure on a single event or instance.
Mind-reading. You assume to know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do, especially when it comes to how they feel about you. This is usually due to your own projections and biases. You can only comprehend that people feel the way you would and respond the way you do to certain situations, simply because you aren’t familiar with anything else.
Catastrophizing. You always assume that the absolute worst will happen. It is to take random circumstances and to imagine they are indicative of the most disastrous outcome. It is a symptom of not trusting oneself and not believing you have the capacity to adapt to change. If you imagine the worst is always happening, nothing can shock or surprise you.
Personalization. You interpret everything that happens within the context of how it affects and applies to you. You think that everything people say or do or infer is for or against you. It is the inability to realize that a world exists outside of how you engage with it. Other symptoms are trying to compare yourself to others, as though someone else’s intelligence or attractiveness means something about your own. The basic thinking error is that you interpret each experience, each conversation, each look as a clue to your worth and value.
Control fallacies. There are two ways control fallacies work: Either you feel externally controlled (you see yourself as helpless or a victim of fate) or you feel internally controlled, which means you think of yourself as responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you. Both are usually symptomatic of not taking control of your life in a healthy, productive way.
Fallacy of fairness. You believe that you know what’s fair, right, and just, and that the only problem is other people don’t agree with you. You do not understand that truths can coexist, and by virtue of seeing your own opinions as valid (experience has proved them to be), you assume they are valid for everyone else as well, and if they would only adopt them, their problems would be solved.
Blaming. The sister issue of projection. When you blame, you hold everyone and everything responsible for your pain. On the flip side, you blame yourself for every problem that comes up. Regardless, it’s a distorted way of holding someone or something accountable for an issue.
Shoulds. You have a list of rules about what people should and shouldn’t do that you grew up believing were unquestionably true. These were imposed on you through culture, family, religion, schooling, etc. People who break these rules anger you, and you do everything to avoid doing so yourself. Because you believe the rules are indisputable, you put yourself in the position of being able to judge and find fault in everyone else around you.
Emotional reasoning. You believe that what you feel must be true, without evaluating it at all. If you feel bored, unloved, unintelligent, unsuccessful—even momentarily—you assume it’s true just because you have felt it. A lot of internal conflict arises out of the inability to reconcile our emotions with our thinking processes.
Fallacy of change. You expect that other people can change and that they must, because your hopes for happiness depend on it. This leads to you putting a lot of pressure on people, when in reality, you are simply corroding your relationship with them. The underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of large and small choices you make in your life.
Global labeling. You generalize one or two qualities that you see in your immediate social circle as being a judgment about all of humanity. Global labeling creates a world that’s stereotypical and one-dimensional. Labeling yourself in such a way is an impediment to self-esteem; labeling others in such a way results in relationship problems and prejudice.
Being right. You feel as though you are always on trial to prove that your opinions, actions, and choices are correct, or at least, more correct than an alternative. Being wrong is associated with being “bad” or unworthy. Your need to be right often results in closed-mindedness, as defensiveness does not leave room to consider another idea, perhaps one that is more informed than your own.
Heaven’s reward fallacy. You imagine that someone is keeping score of all the wrong and right doings in your life. You expect that your sacrifice, good-doing, or self-denial will pay off, even if there is no clear, logical way that it will. You are constantly doing the “right thing,” even if you don’t feel like it. This leads to feeling physically and emotionally depleted, because there is no actual reward in the sacrifice and denial.
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