如果回到大学时光，我会好好安抚那颗破碎的心

要是可以回到大学时光，我会好好安抚那颗破碎的心。“如果可以回到大学时光……”这类话题都是围绕着大学生活展开的。人人都会事后诸葛亮，但即使是这样我们也不能根据那些让我们自己想想都后怕的经验给出好的建议。

Someone once told me that every romantic relationship in our lives will fail until one doesn’t. It sounds harsh, and perhaps a little narrow-minded (can we really succeed or fail in love?), but there is truth to it. Most of us, especially those of us under 25, will enter into relationships that will someday end.

有人曾跟我说每一段浪漫的恋情终将化为泡影，除非它不浪漫。这听上去可真悲催，还有点儿小心眼（恋爱真的是不成则败么？），不过这是有根据的。大多数人，尤其是25岁以下的都会展开没有结果的恋情

There’s something about going through the end of a relationship in college that tends to make everything more intense. Maybe it’s the added stress of keeping up with schoolwork when all you want to do is curl up into a ball or go for a long walk that lasts all day. Maybe it’s the task of telling tons of people who used to know you as “together” that you’re no longer together. Or maybe it’s just because at such a young age, we haven’t had much practice in the art of dealing with a broken heart. Whatever the case, the end of young love (or even young infatuation) is not easy. In fact, it can be downright hellish.

处于失恋阴影的时候似乎所有事情都一团糟。可能你只是想要一整天都一个人呆着或者不停地走路，而这却加重了学业的负担。也可能是要告诉很多那些知道你们曾经在一起的人你们已经分手了。又或者是因为太年轻，还没有学会怎样去安抚那颗破碎的心。不论是什么情况，要结束那段稚爱（抑或是年少时的迷恋）并不容易。事实上，可能还会遍体鳞伤。

But there are ways to survive it. And then, grow from it.

但始终都有方法痊愈。而最后，我们也会因此成长。
  

Because everyone heals in their own way and on their own time, and because the Internet is littered with articles about getting over a breakup, I’m going to stay away from all of it and instead focus on one essential starting point: The most important thing in any uncomfortable situation, even before you “get over it,” is to separate yourself.

每个人都习惯独自疗伤，而且网络上还充斥着些教人摆脱分手痛苦的，五花八门的文章。对于我来说，我不会去看那些东西，而是去注意更关键的一点：不论在什么情况下，在“走出来”之前，先隔离自己

Separate yourself from the actions and the emotions connected to the breakup. Separate yourself from your dormmates’ opinions, from the rumors, and most important, from negative self-talk.

不表现出与分手有关的行为和情绪。不听室友的观点和那些流言蜚语，最重要的是，不消极地自我催眠

One of the main factors in my extremely difficult college breakup was my constant preoccupation with who the breakup turned me into. I was the girl who had just been dumped, the girl who had to duck her head every time someone asked “oh, aren’t you so-and-so’s girlfriend?” I was a lonely loser, half of the person I once was. It’s like the chemicals in my body changed the moment he said, “this isn’t working,” turning me into a broken science experiment.

我分手时最令我难过的就是会去不断注意与我分手的人。我是被甩的那个，是那个一听到别人问“哎，你不就是那谁谁的女朋友”的时候就低下头的女孩。我是个孤独的失败者，早已不是原来那个我 。当他说“我们合不来”的那一刻身体好像发生了什么变化，我就像一项失败的科学实验

If there’s one thing I wish I could tell the college version of me, it would be that the breakup was an occurrence, not an identity. No matter what my ex thought, what other people whispered about, what the media tried to feed me… I was not The Girl Who Got Dumped. I was a girl, who in addition to going to school and working part-time and building friendships, was also dealing with the pain of an expired relationship.

要是有机会和大学的那个我谈谈，我会告诉她，分手是世间常事，不是只有你才会遇到。不论前男友怎么想，其他人怎么说，或者外界怎么影响我……我不是被甩的女孩！我是那个除了学习还会努力打工，拓宽人际的女孩，我也是可以好好处理这段感情的女孩。

In the incubated bubble of college, we can often lose sight of the fact that our life will go way beyond these four years; way beyond the grades and the achievements and even the mistakes. Events that seem monumental, scars that seems like they will never fade, everything will eventually dissipate. It’s just a truth of time. Holding fast to that certainly is the first step in realizing that a broken relationship is not the be-all and end-all of who we are.

大学充满了美丽的幻想，我们常常没有意识到我们的生活原本可以不止如此，我们可以得到更高的分数，取得更大的成就，甚至犯更高明的错误。但对于我们来说，似乎有很多事都难以释怀，而创伤也似乎会永不消散，事实上，任何事终将淡去，只是时间问题罢了。能很快把握这一点就意味着你已经意识到感情破裂并不代表世界末日。

It may be difficult at first, but spending just a few minutes each day explaining patiently to yourself that you are not your breakup will most definitely give you the clarity you need to move through the various stages of grief.

刚开始或许很困难，但是每天花几分钟告诉自己 “ 你并没有因为分手而丧失什么”，这会让你明白你所经历的只是各种悲伤中的一种

You are NOT your breakup. You are an individual, connected to millions of other individuals, all of whom have experienced the kind of pain you’re experiencing. Heartbreak happens, and then it fades. Remaining steady in the face of – and staying separated from — the all-consuming ache will be the journey that allows you to grow from this cyclical human occurrence.

你不会因为分手损失什么。你是与其他千万人相连的个体，他们也都曾经历过你现在的痛苦。每分钟都有人心碎，每分钟也有人痊愈。冷静地面对痛苦或者从痛苦走出来的都会让你在这种人之常情中成长。

Even if you only grow the teeniest, tiniest bit – it’s still growth. And growth is beautiful.

成长是缓慢的，尽管只是一点点，但也是成长，而成长，都是美好的。