原文：
Stop asking kids what they want to be when they grow up.
@The New York Times
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
When I was a kid, I dreaded the question. I never had a good answer. Adults always seemed terribly disappointed that I wasn’t dreaming of becoming something grand or heroic, like a filmmaker or an astronaut.
In college, I finally realized that I didn’t want to be one thing. I wanted to do many things. So I found a workaround: I became an organizational psychologist. My job is to fix other people’s jobs. I get to experience them vicariously — I’ve gotten to explore how filmmakers blaze new trails and how astronauts build trust. And I’ve become convinced that asking youngsters what they want to be does them a disservice.
My first beef with the question is that it forces kids to define themselves in terms of work. When you’re asked what you want to be when you grow up, it’s not socially acceptable to say, “A father,” or, “A mother,” let alone, “A person of integrity.” This might be one of the reasons many parents say their most important value for their children is to care about others, yet their kids believe that top value is success. When we define ourselves by our jobs, our worth depends on what we achieve.
The second problem is the implication that there is one calling out there for everyone. Although having a calling can be a source of joy, research shows that searching for one leaves students feeling lost and confused. And even if you’re lucky enough to stumble onto a calling, it might not be a viable career. My colleagues and I have found that callings often go unanswered: Many career passions don’t pay the bills, and many of us just don’t have the talent. After the comedian Chris Rock heard an administrator tell entering high schoolers they could be anything they want to be, he asked, “Lady, why are you lying to these children?” Maybe four of them could be anything they want to be. But the other 2,000 had better learn how to weld. He added: “Tell the kids the truth. You can be anything you’re good at — as long as they’re hiring.”
If you manage to overcome those obstacles, there is a third hurdle: Careers rarely live up to your childhood dreams. In one study, looking for the ideal job left college seniors feeling more anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and depressed throughout the process — and less satisfied with the outcome. As Tim Urban writes, happiness is reality minus expectations. If you’re looking for bliss, you’re bound to be disappointed. This explains research showing that people who graduate from college during a recession are more satisfied with their work three decades later: They don’t take it for granted that they have a job.
The upside of low expectations is that they erase the gap between what we wanted and what we got. Extensive evidence shows that instead of painting a rosy picture of a job, you’re better off going in with a realistic preview of what it’s really like, warts and all. Sure, you might be a little less excited to take it, but on average you end up more productive and less likely to quit. Oprah said it best: “Your job is not always going to fulfill you.”
I’m all for encouraging youngsters to aim high and dream big. But take it from someone who studies work for a living: those aspirations should be bigger than work. Asking kids what they want to be leads them to claim a career identity they might never want to earn. Instead, invite them to think about what kind of person they want to be — and about all the different things they might want to do.
2020 The New York Times
百度翻译：
别再问孩子们长大后想做什么。
@纽约时报
“你长大后想做什么？”
当我还是个孩子的时候，我害怕这个问题。我从来没有一个好的答案。成年人似乎总是对我没有梦想成为一个伟大或英雄的人感到非常失望，比如电影制作人或宇航员。
在大学里，我终于意识到我不想成为一回事。我想做很多事情。所以我找到了一个解决办法：我成为了一名组织心理学家。我的工作是帮别人解决工作。我可以间接地体验他们——我已经开始探索电影制作人是如何开拓创新的，宇航员是如何建立信任的。我已经确信，问年轻人他们想成为什么样的人对他们是一种伤害。
我对这个问题的第一个不满是，它迫使孩子们从工作的角度来定义自己。当你被问到你长大后想成为什么样的人时，说“父亲”或“母亲”，更不用说“正直的人”是不被社会接受的。这可能是许多父母说他们对孩子最重要的价值是关心他人的原因之一，然而他们的孩子却认为，最重要的价值是成功。当我们以工作来定义自己时，我们的价值取决于我们的成就。
第二个问题是暗示着每个人都需要一个。尽管打电话是一种快乐的来源，但研究表明，寻找一个电话会让学生感到迷茫和困惑。即使你很幸运偶然找到了一个职业，这可能不是一个可行的职业。我和我的同事们发现，打电话常常是没有人接的：很多职业激情付不起账单，而我们中的许多人就是没有天分。喜剧演员克里斯·洛克（chrisrock）听到一位管理人员告诉进入高中的学生，他们可以成为他们想成为的任何人后，他问道：“女士，你为什么对这些孩子撒谎？“也许他们中的四个可以成为他们想成为的任何人。但另外2000人最好学会焊接。他还说：“告诉孩子们真相。你可以成为任何你擅长的人，只要他们在招聘你。”
如果你能克服这些障碍，还有第三个障碍：职业生涯很少能实现你童年的梦想。在一项研究中，寻找理想的工作会让大学毕业生在整个过程中感到更加焦虑、压力、不知所措和沮丧，而对结果却不太满意。正如蒂姆·厄本所写，幸福就是现实减去期望。如果你在寻找幸福，你一定会失望的。这就解释了一项研究表明，在经济衰退时期大学毕业的人在三十年后对自己的工作更满意：他们不认为自己有工作是理所当然的。
低期望的好处是，它们消除了我们想要的和我们得到的之间的差距。大量的证据表明，与其描绘一幅美好的工作图景，不如先现实地预告一下工作的真实情况，疣状物等等。当然，你可能不会那么兴奋地接受它，但平均来说，你最终会更有效率，也不太可能辞职。奥普拉说得最好：“你的工作并不总是能满足你。”
我完全赞成鼓励年轻人志存高远，梦想远大。但从一个以工作为生的人身上可以看出：这些抱负应该比工作更重要。问孩子们他们想成为什么样的人会让他们声称自己可能永远都不想获得的职业身份。相反，邀请他们思考他们想要成为什么样的人，以及他们可能想做的所有不同的事情。
2020年纽约时报
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