心理学家很少能找到一个统一的答案解释人类行为……但关键问题并不在于“哪个理论是正确的”，而在于“这些观点会怎样帮助我更好地理解人类行为”。这是复试时的参考书，Burger的《人格心理学》，是本好书，即使不是用来专业学习，但依然可以作为一本了解人格的通俗读物来读，甚至从中获益。下面是一些让我有共鸣的句子，和大家分享。我崇尚原创，但不得不承认，当看见一些句子，觉得它们完完全全说出了自己的想法自己的观点的时候，连摘抄都会让人着迷。-psytopic.com
1. 独身生活方式可能有其方便之处，在一段时间里可能令人愉快，但假若一个人不能超越（独身并超越于独身生活方式，这种超越并不有固定的形式，有宗教信仰，甚或结婚也是一种超越－－关键是个体能体验到这点！）这种生活方式，就会导致情绪和个人满足感发展的严重滞后。——埃里克森
2. 人对唯一的一次生命，是将它作为不得不是这个样子而接受的，把它作为必然的，不允许有其他替代物而接受的，是以“人的生活是人自己的责任”这样一个事实而接受的。——埃里克森
3. 简言之，做父母不是一件容易的事，在我们的社会中，尽管养育孩子是我们面临的最重要的事情之一，但在这方面缺乏培训，对什么人能养育儿童、怎样养育儿童都没有规定，其结果是，很多儿童缺少个人价值感，他们对父母感到害怕，不知道怎么与他们相处，他们担心因他们不理解的原因而受到父母不公正的惩罚，他们感到不安全和不适应，他们渴望温暖，他们需要支持，但却得不到。这些儿童感到迷惘、害怕、焦虑。——凯伦.霍尼
4. 现代民主的兴起，使人类不再被禁锢于封建制度的壁垒，我们获得了自由感……我们愿意成为怎样的人都行，高兴做什么就做什么。然而正是这种极端的自由给我们造成了很大的问题。自由可以是可怕的东西，它强迫我们每个人去面对那些我们必须独自承担责任的个人决定……为避免自由带来的焦虑，大多数人接受了社会为我们选定的角色和可预见的生活方式，在某种意义上，我们又回到了我们的祖先在封建制度下所拥有的安全的小牢笼里。我们找到了有保障的职业和常规的生活方式，这样，我们变成了一部大机器上的螺齿。——弗洛姆
5. 拥抱自由的关键是自发性——经历并表达出我们真实的欲望。当我们知道我们自己要做什么而不是别人期望我们做什么的时候，我们表达出了内在的感情。——弗洛姆
6. 我们是单个的个人，对自己的行为要负责，要找到我们人生的意义，正是这样一些观念，使许多人感到恐惧，宗教使他们能逃避这种恐惧。因此，与某些人将自己与有权力的政治和社会力量联系起来的原因一样，焦虑和不安全感使某些人转向宗教……但是，专制主义宗教和人道主义宗教是不同的，前者强调我们在一个强有力的宗教领袖控制之下，而人道主义宗教则为个人成长提供了机会。——弗洛姆
7. 我们处在一个“焦虑时代”，在过去的美好日子里，我们下午在公园漫步，炎炎夏日的晚上在走廊里乘凉，这些日子都已经被日益增大的工作难度、越来越快的工作节奏和比别人干得更好的压力取代了。
8. 成人的依恋类型分为
1)、安全型的成人，他们很容易与人相处及信赖对方（既相信自己，也相信他人）；
2)、回避型的成人，他们怀疑那些说爱他的人，害怕离他们太近会受到伤害。他们也因分离不可避免而害怕付出情感（相信自己，而不相信他人。不怕被抛弃，但害怕亲密）；
这是Psytopic的指纹密码：aHR0cDovL3d3dy5wc3l0b3BpYy5jb20v，您可以凭这个指纹在google搜索到我们的网站。
3)、焦虑—矛盾型的成人，他们对同伴的爱缺少安全感，以致过于苛求对方，他们太希望受到注意以致于吓跑了同伴（相信他人，而不相信自己，需要依靠别人的肯定来证明自己的价值。不怕亲密，但害怕被抛弃）；
4)、恐惧型的成人，这些人认为自己不值得爱……回避与他人的亲密关系，因为他们害怕被拒绝的痛苦（既不相信自己，也不相信他人）。[括号内为个人注解]
依恋类型会影响我们的爱情关系……但我们应该为那些不安全型依恋的人说几句宽心话。当这些人进入一个安全的长期的成人人际关系时，他们要想改变自己的依恋类型也是可能的。
9. 存在主义哲学家认为，人们最终要对所发生的事情负责，这就是人本主义人格理论的基础，它能说明我们为什么经常说“我必须”这句话，例如“我必须去上课”、“我必须去见朋友”等。其实，我们不一定非要干这些事，在某种程度上，我们可以不做任何事。人本主义心理学家指出，在特定的时刻，行为是每个人自己的选择。
10. 只有按生活本来面貌去生活，我们才能成为真正完善的人。对过去和未来的思考虽然有益，但多数人花费过多的时间反省过去、计划未来，这其实是浪费时间，因为只有生活在此时此地，人才能充分享受生活。
11. 好的人生，是一个过程，而不是一个状态；它是一个方向，而不是终点。——罗杰斯
12. 多数人是在有条件的积极关注环境中长大的。小时候，我们的父母或监护人给我们爱和支持，但这些都不是无条件的。就是说，大多数父母都只是在孩子们满足了自己的期望的时候，才会爱他们。当父母对孩子的行为不满意的时候，他们就收回他们的爱。孩子们逐渐懂得，只有做了父母想让他们做的事情，才能得到父母的爱。孩子们需要的积极关注是以他们自己的行为为条件的。这种有条件的积极关注的结果就是，孩子们学会了抛弃他们自己的真实感情和愿望，而只是接受父母赞许的那一部分自我。他们拒绝自己的弱点和错误。最终，孩子变得越来越不了解自己，而且在将来也越来越不可能成为一个心理和谐的人。作为承认，我们也还在继续这这一过程，我们只是把那些最有可能被我们生活中的重要人物赞许、爱和支持的内容纳入自我概念。其实每个人身上都还有另一部分内容，它们不被赞许或有可能被反对，与接受和表达这些思想和情感的做法相反，我们会否认或扭曲它们，把它们从自我概念中剔除出去。那么我们就失去了与自己真实的情感的联系，也不可能成为心理和谐的人……我们需要无条件的积极关注来接受我们人格中的所有方面……一直爱孩子，接受孩子，在这种条件下，孩子就会觉得不需要去隐藏那部分可能会引起爱的撤销的自我，他们就可以自由地体验全部的自我，自由地把错误和弱点都纳入到自己的自我概念中，自由地体验全部生活。——罗杰斯
13. 达到目的可以获得有能力的感觉，但是真正的快乐是在过程中而不是取得成功之后……只有当我们努力在每时每刻发生的体验中寻找生活的意义和乐趣的时候，真正的幸福才能够来临……到达目的并不是终点。奋斗过程才能带来享受。幸福来源于控制自己的生活，而不是屈从于社会准则或他人的要求。
14. 自我表露与主观幸福感间的因果关系是双向的。一个人之所以能够自由地向别人表露自己的信息，是因为他本身是心理健康的人，而心理健康水平的提高也得益于对朋友、爱人的自我表露。成为一个心理健康的人的关键，是使自己更透明。我们要愿意并且能够向生活中的重要他人充分地表露自己。当然，这对于大多数人来说是很难做到的。我们通常会尽力避免别人发现我们身上的许多不被人喜欢的人格特点或者坏习惯。我们害怕会使自己陷入难堪的境地或者失去自己喜欢或崇拜的人的尊重。但是，所有这些欺瞒的结果是使我们更加担心，永远害怕别人发现真正的自己……人只有通过自我表露才能逐渐地真正认识自己。通过把感情转变成文字，我们会更加认识这些情感，仅仅在头脑中思索这些情感是达不到这种认识的……用词汇来表达内心的感觉将使人“看见”自己的情感，并且能更有效地对待它们。——朱拉德（Jourard）
15. 男性和女性只有在适合自己的社会性别角色范围内表露时才被接受。对于男性来说，这通常意味着保留信息（隐忍、沉默，尤其是对于心中的一些细腻感受，听听《男人哭吧不是罪》会更明白）；对于女性来说，则意味着开放和表露，但只是在有关社会认为是适合女性探讨的话题上（比如化妆心得、情感经历，而不是政治新闻、个人野心等）[括号内为个人注解]……或许随着传统性别角色逐渐被弱化，男性和女性和他们的朋友交流时都会感到更加自由。
16. “当一个人的社会关系网比预期的更小或更不满意时，孤独就会出现”——你可以与别人只有很少的接触，但只要你对此满意，就不会觉得孤独。相反，即使你已经有了很多朋友，但只要你仍然感到需要更多更深刻的友谊，你依然会觉得孤独。
17. 在集体主义文化中融入社会和完成自己份内的事是骄傲的源泉，而在个体主义文化中个人成就和独立性最被看重……在个体文化中良好的自我感觉是过上好日子的关键，而符合社会角色是集体文化中通向幸福的法门。
18. 人们以为自己知道自己行为的原因是什么，其实许多行为的原因人们并不知道。——斯金纳
19. 心理学家很少能找到一个统一的答案解释人类行为……但关键问题并不在于“哪个理论是正确的”，而在于“这些观点会怎样帮助我更好地理解人类行为”。
Psytopic成员Microwind摘录作品
Psychologists rarely able to find a unified answer to explain human behavior…… but the key issue is not "which theory is correct," but "how these views will help me to better understand human behavior." This is the re-examinations of reference books, Burger's "personality psychology," is good book, if not used for professional learning, but still can be used as a personal understanding of the popular books to read, or even benefit from it. Here are some I have sympathy for the sentence, and share with you. I respect originality, but have to admit that seeing some of the sentence, they feel completely explained his idea of his views, even Zhaichao people will be fascinated. - psytopic.com
1. Celibacy way of life may have its convenience, in a period of time may be pleasant, but if a person can not go beyond this way of life, it will lead to emotional and personal satisfaction the development of the serious lag. -- Sven-Goran Eriksson
2. The only people on a life, as it is to be like this and accepted, regarded it as inevitable and not allow any other alternative but to accept, on a "human life is the people of their responsibilities" Such a fact acceptable. -- Sven-Goran Eriksson
3. In short, do parents not an easy task, in our society, despite the upbringing of our children are facing one of the most important thing, but the lack of training in this area, what people can raise children, how Rearing children are not required, the result is that many children lack of personal worth, they are afraid of their parents, do not know how to get along with them, they are worried that because they do not understand the reasons for and unfair punishment by their parents, they feel insecure And are not suited, they want warmth, they need support, but are not. These children feel a loss, fear, anxiety. -- Karen. Huoni
4. The rise of modern democracy, human no longer be detained in the feudal system of barriers, we received a sense of freedom…… we are willing to become what people will do, glad to do what to do. However, it is this extreme we have the freedom to create a big problem. Freedom can be a terrible thing, it forced each of us to face those we alone must bear responsibility for the personal decision…… freedom in order to avoid the anxiety, the majority of the community to accept the role and we selected the foreseeable Way of life, in a sense, we are back to our ancestors under the feudal system owned by a small cage in safety. We found a secure job and conventional way of life, so that we become one big machine, the Lo teeth. -- Erich Fromm
5. Embrace freedom, the key is spontaneous - and to experience the true expression of our desire. When we know our own what to do and not what others expect us to do the time, we express the inner feelings. -- Erich Fromm
6. We are a single individual, to be responsible for their actions, we have to find the meaning of life is precisely this kind of concept, many people fear, religion so that they can avoid such a fear. So, some people will have their own power and the political and social forces linked to the same reasons, anxiety and insecurity that certain people to religion…… However, the authoritarian religious and humanitarian religion is different, the former stressed In a powerful religious leaders under the control of religious and humanitarian provided an opportunity for personal growth. -- Erich Fromm
7. We are in a "age of anxiety", a beautiful day in the past, we afternoon stroll in the park, Yanyanxiari night in the corridor and Cheng Liang, these days have been the work of the increasing difficulty of growing fast And the rhythm of the work done better than others replaced the pressure.
8. Attachment types into the adult
1), the security of the adults, they are very easy to get along with people and trust each other (both believe in themselves and also believe that others);
2), avoiding the type of adult, they suspected he Yueai those who fear will be too close to them from harm. They also fear that the inevitable result of separation pay feelings (believe in themselves and not believe others. Not afraid of being abandoned, but the fear of intimacy);
3), anxiety - contradictions of the adults, they love the lack of a sense of security partners that are too demanding each other, they too want to scare away by the attention that the companions (think of others, rather than believe in themselves, need to rely on other people's sure to prove Its value. Is not afraid of intimacy, but fear of being abandoned);
4), fear of adults, these people consider themselves not worthy of love…… avoid intimate relationships with others, because they are afraid of being rejected pain (do not believe in themselves, do not believe in others). [Brackets for personal comments]
Attachment type will affect our relationship of love…… but we should be for those who are insecure attachment of the people say a few words-heart. When these people into a secure long-term adult relationships, their attachment to change their types are also possible.
9. Existentialist philosopher, believes that the people will ultimately be responsible for what happened, and this is one of the theoretical basis of personality, that it why we often say "I must," this sentence, such as "I must go to class" "I must meet a friend." In fact, we do not have to do these things, to some extent, we can do anything. Humanistic psychologists pointed out that in a specific moment, everyone is of their own choice.
10. Only the original outlook of life to live, we can become a real good person. In the past and the future thinking, while beneficial, but most people spend too much time to reflect on the past and plan for the future, this is in fact a waste of time, because only living in the here and now, people can fully enjoy life.
11. Good life, is a process, not a state it is a direction, not the end. -- Rogers
12. The majority of people in the active concern for the environment conditions in the Zhejiang University. When I was small, our parents or guardians to our love and support, but these are not unconditional. In other words, most parents are only in their own children to meet the expectations of the time, will love them. When parents are not satisfied with the conduct of their children when they withdraw their love. The children gradually understand that only do the parents want them to do, to get their parents love. Children need the active interest of their own acts for the conditions. This conditional active interest in the outcome is, the children learned how to abandon their own true feelings and aspirations, but the parents accept that part of self-praise. They refuse to their own weaknesses and errors. Eventually, children become more and more do not understand themselves, but also increasingly in the future can not become a psychological harmony of the people. As recognized, we are continuing this process, we have only to those who are most likely to be important in our lives who praise, love and support of the contents into the self-concept. In fact, each person is there is another part of the contents, they are not praise or is likely to be opposed, and to accept and express these thoughts and feelings to the contrary, we will deny or distort them, they removed from the concept of self-out. Then we will lose their true feelings with the link, it will not become a psychological harmony of people…… we need to unconditionally accept the positive attention to our personality in all aspects…… always love their children, accept the child, under such conditions , The children will feel no need to hide that part may lead to the revocation of self-love, they will be free to experience all of the self, free to the mistakes and weaknesses are integrated into their self-concept, the freedom to experience all of life . -- Rogers
13. Achieve its objective will be capable of feeling, but the real pleasure is in the process rather than after the success of…… only when we work in every moment of experience in the search for the meaning of life and fun, the real Happiness can come…… arrival is not the end. Struggle can bring enjoyment. Happiness comes from control over their own lives, rather than give in to social norms or the demands of others.
14. Self-disclosure and subjective well-being of the causal relationship is a two-way. A person has been able to free others to reveal their own information is that he is psychologically healthy people, and raising the level of mental health also benefited from the friends and loved one's self-disclosure. As a mental health of the key is to make themselves more transparent. We are willing and able to live fully in the significant others to reveal their own. Of course, for most people, it is very difficult to do. We usually do everything possible to avoid others found that many of us are not like the personality characteristics or bad habits. We fear that will embarrass themselves into the situation or lose their love or respect for the worship of the people. However, all these results is to make fool of us more worried, never really afraid of the others found themselves…… people only through self-disclosure can be gradually truly understand their own. Through the feelings into words, we will better understand these feelings, only in the minds of thinking in these feelings is not this understanding of the…… the words used to express inner feelings to people "see" their feelings, and can More effectively treat them. -- Zhu Maillard (Jourard)
15. Men and women only for their own gender roles within the community revealed only to be accepted. For men, this usually means that the retention of information (Yinren, silence, especially for some of the hearts of delicate feelings and listen to "Men Kuba is not crime," will better understand), for women, it means that open and revealing, but Only in the community that are suitable for women on the topic (such as the make-up experience, emotional experience, rather than political news, personal ambition, etc.) [brackets for personal comments]…… perhaps with traditional gender roles have been gradually weakened, the men and Women and their friends, will feel more free.
16. "When a person's social network of relationships, even smaller than expected or is not satisfied with, there will be lonely" - you can with others only a few contacts, but as long as you satisfied with this, they will not feel lonely. On the contrary, even if you have a lot of friends, but as long as you still feel the need to more profound friendship, you will still feel lonely.
17. In the collective culture of social integration and complete its share of thing is a source of pride, and in the individual culture of individual achievement and independence of most value…… in the individual culture of good feeling is the good life of self - The key role of the community and the collective culture to the well-being of the Famen.
18. People think that they know of the reasons for that, in fact, many of the reasons people do not know. -- Skinner
19. Psychologists rarely able to find a unified answer to explain human behavior…… but the key issue is not "which theory is correct," but "how these views will help me to better understand human behavior."
suggest a better translation.
