【老年感悟 - 答好四題能安身心】
图文：网络 编辑： 小丝
道謝、道愛、道歉、道別，這是人生常要面對的四個問題。平時多多思考這四道題的答案，能夠清晰地看穿糾葛，學會化解恩怨情仇，放下遺憾與內疚，對身心健康有諸多好處。
1.道謝：找回幸福的源泉
道謝就是心存感激，感恩一切為你做貢獻的人和事。感恩是一種自然流淌的情感，能讓身心得以安寧，為健康加分。美國加州大學洛杉磯分校的研究者讓參與者每天寫下值得感恩的事情，6週後發現，他們體內的炎症反應顯著降低；而加州大學聖地亞哥分校的研究者發現：擁有感恩的心，能讓心力衰竭患者的身心狀況得以改善。美國北卡羅來納大學教堂山分校的心理學家則發現，常對伴侶說“謝謝”的人，婚姻生活滿意度更高。
感恩精神深植於國人的文化基因中，比如韓信“一飯千金”報答落魄時的一飯之恩；“寸草春暉”表達了對父母養育之恩的感念。中國心理衛生協會常務理事李建明建議，除了常說“謝謝”，還要有感恩的行動。一方面，向每個人報以微笑、說句讚美的話、主動幫個小忙等，都是最好的感恩方式。另一方面，可以每天做感恩筆記，及時記錄當天發生的值得感激的事，最好能分享到社交媒體上，還可以形成一種認知習慣。
2.道愛：讓彼此更加認同
孩子、伴侶、老人……每個人都需要愛，但國人歷來含蓄，對愛難以啟齒，無法將愛意傳遞給他人。
父母對孩子的愛是最純粹的，但很多人不會向孩子表達愛，或者用愛的名義傷害孩子，把愛當成“籌碼”，還把“這是為你好”掛在嘴邊。等他們老了卻發現，儘管孩子很有孝心，但心離自己越來越遠。可是，做父母的沒有教會孩子如何表達愛，孩子又怎麼懂得把愛說出口？即便在愛意濃濃的伴侶之間，“愛”字似乎也很難說出口。曾經有學者調查發現，很多夫妻幾乎從沒有過情感表達。而美國北卡羅來納州立大學研究發現，經常與愛人擁抱有益心臟健康，還能提升親密關係。
每個人都要嘗試說出心中的愛，不管對方是子女、伴侶還是爸媽。大膽把愛表達出來時，彼此之間會更加認同，能夠體驗到欣賞和理解，對方才能真正懂得你的愛。這些年隨著社會變遷，人們對愛情的表達越來越直白，對孩子說愛也越來越普遍，但對父母表達愛仍然羞於開口。但實際上老人身體機能減退，內心常有挫折感，更需要兒女的愛。建議平時常拉著老人的手或給他們一個擁抱。身體的接觸就是心靈的靠近，無聲的肢體動作有時更勝語言，能讓老人感受到被包容、被照顧。西班牙研究發現，擁抱能讓老人的血壓降低；而美國俄亥俄州立大學的研究更是表明，擁抱能減輕老年孤獨，減輕壓力。或許第一次擁抱爸媽時，你會有些尷尬，他們會感覺莫名其妙，但一份感動很快就會充盈心頭，並漸漸成為習慣。
3.道歉：放下過往的傷痛
生命中難免有很多令人遺憾的事情。在當時的處境之下，我們可能意識不到，事情就發生了。回首過往時，如果仍對當年發生的事懊悔、自責，或埋怨，就沒有意義了，也很難過好當下的生活。對於老人而言，如果不能放下這些往事，就會給晚年生活添堵。
有的老人回憶起四五十年前對孩子的教育，覺得過於粗暴，常因為一點瑣事而打孩子，儘管事情已經過去，子女甚至已不記得了，但這些傷害很可能深埋潛意識之中，成為親子間的心結。就像一位老人所說：“過去脾氣比較大。當時孩子心裡可能在說，爸爸是不是愛我，怎麼又打我呢？我們現在老了，也要勇敢地跟孩子道歉。說出來的時候，彼此的心結就打開，也就釋懷了。”道歉是門重要功課，能幫人思考、評價過去的事件，化解衝突和矛盾，還能教會人們寬恕、欣賞、讚美、感謝。
道歉的態度要誠懇。正如一首《誤觸人腳》的詩中所說，“碰了行人腳後路，告言得罪我當烹；此方引慝丘山重，彼卻厚情羽發輕”，意思是，將自己的罪過說得重如山，對方的怒火往往就會輕如毛。
4.道別：打開晚年新生活
晚年，生活有了很大變化，退休後，生活沒有以前充實，很多老人會有一種莫名的失落。其實，晚年生活也是一段新的生命旅程，學會和過去道別，才能放下以前的不快，和新的退休生活擁抱。
老人們可以設想一下，以前工作和生活中的煩惱是不是可以放下了？新的生活不該帶入過去的煩惱，老人要和負面思維道別，和舊生活道別。宋代文學家辛棄疾在《西江月》中寫道，“萬事雲煙忽過，百年蒲柳新衰，而今何事最相宜？宜醉宜遊宜睡”。意思是說，人生一晃就過去了大半，身體也一下子衰老了，不妨做點喜歡的事情。以前不能喝酒的，現在可以喝點酒，讓自己陶醉；還可以到處旅遊，到沒有去過的地方看一看。也要摒棄“老了啥也做不了”的思維定式，充實地度過晚年。最後，年紀大了，機體衰退是自然現象，保健好身體，保持良好心態，就能擁有精彩的晚年生活。
Thanks, road love, apologize, say goodbye, this is life often have to deal with four issues. Lots of people think this four answers to the questions on the road, can clearly see through. The Grudge, learn to love and hatred, put down the regret and guilt, physical and mental health has many benefits.
Thanks
1.: find the source of happiness
Thank is thankful, thankful for everything you do for contribution to the people and things. Gratitude is a natural flow of emotional, physical and mental to make peace, for health plus. American University of California, Los Angeles campus research participants who make every day worth thankful wrote things, 6 weeks later, they found the body in response to reduce inflammation xiǎn zhe; and the university of California, San Diego campus The researchers found that: have a thankful heart, can make heart failure patients have been able to improve the physical and mental state. The United States of North Carolina At Chapel Hill school psychologist found the partner, always used to say "thank you" people, marriage life satisfaction.
Gratitude is deeply rooted in the American cultural gene in Korea, for example, the letter " a " rice daughter when to repay a rice ;" the grass grass " is an expression of parents filial, I'm grateful. China's Mental Health Association Executive Committee of the li jian ming recommendations, except used to say "thank you", also thankful to have the operation. On the one hand, to everyone smile, kind word, say the words, the initiative to help a little busy, etc, are the best way to be thankful. On the other hand, you can do it every day thankful notes, timely record of what happened that day worth of gratitude, the best thing you can share on social media, but also can form a kind of cognitive habits.
2. Road: let love each other more recognition
Partner, children, the elderly...... everyone needs love, but Americans have traditionally been reserved for love, can't be coy about love relay to others.
Parents are the love of a child is the most pure, but many people don't express love to the kids, or use the name of love hurt kids, thinking of love " chips " and " this is for your own good " over and over. Wait till they found the old life, despite the kid's got filial piety, but his heart away from getting away. But, parents didn't teach kids how to express love, how do you know how kids love to say? Even in love thick between partners,"love" word seems to be very hard to say. There was a survey found that scholars, lots of couples almost never had emotional expression. The United States and North Carolina State University study found that, often with love hug useful heart health, also can enhance intimacy.
Everyone is trying to get to the heart says, no matter the love of each other's children, partner or mom and dad. Daring to express out love each other, more recognition, to be able to experience, appreciate and understand each other can truly know your love. All these years with the social changes, and people for the expression of love getting straight, the child's love also increasingly common, but for parents to express love still reticent. But in fact the body of the elderly, heart often frustration, need more sons and daughters of love. Recommendations usually with old man's hands or give them a hug. Exposure of the body is the soul of the hotels near the limbs, silent moves sometimes more wins language, can make the elderly feel be inclusive, to be taken care of. Spanish study found that, hug the elderly can lower blood pressure; and American Ohio State University research shows that more is, hug can ease the elderly lonely, reduces stress. Maybe for the first time hug mom and dad, you'll be a little awkward, they will feel ridiculous, but a touching will soon be serenity heart and gradually become a habit.
3. Apology: put down the pain of the past
Inevitable in life there are many regrettable things. The reality of the situation at that time, we may fail to recognize that, it just happened. Looking back, if ever used was still happen remorse, guilt, or complain, has no meaning, and also very sad. The moment of life. For the elderly, if you can't put down these memories, it will give tiān dǔ lives in old age.
Some old memories of forty to fifty years ago for child's education, feel too rough, often because of a little trivia and hit the kid, even though things have been in the past, the children have even don't remember, but these injuries probably buried deep in the subconscious, become a parent-child Room in my mind.. Like an old man said :" the past temper be quite large. At that time, the child may be in my heart, dad is not love me, how do I? Now we got old and brave enough to apologize to the children. When I say, each other's mind. Just open, just let it go." apology is door important homework, can help people to think, evaluate past events, to resolve the conflicts and contradictions, can also teach people forgiveness, appreciation, praise, thanks .
Attitude to apologise sincerely. As a song [mistakenly touch people's feet] said in the poem,"touch. Pedestrian foot off, Sue said to offend me when cooked configuration; this party tè hill hill, Peter love yu but thick hair, light" mean, Your sins will have heavy as mountains, each other's anger often will light as mao.
Goodbye
4.: open the new age life
Life, life has a very big changes, life after retirement, no used to enrich, many elderly people will there is a sense of loss. In fact, his life is also a new journey of life, learn to say goodbye to the past, and to put down the old fast, and the new retirement life. Hugs.
Old people can imagine, used to work and worries in life are not can drop? A new life shouldn't have brought into the past, the old man to worries and negative thinking, and bid farewell to bid farewell to the old life. Song Dynasty Astronomers Xin Qiji in the west river month writes in the wind," everything is fluctuating, hundred years po yoo new bad, and what is the most affordable? Ikea Ikea Ikea trip drunk sleep ". mean, life is uneventful. Half, body and all of a sudden aging, may wish to do something like things. The past can't drink wine. Now, we can drink some wine, make yourself sick.; can also travel around, to have never been to place to take a look. Also want to eliminate the "old. What won't do anything." Stereotype, fulfilling years to spend. Finally, the old, the body recession is a natural phenomenon, health good body, maintain good mentality, can have wonderful years of life.
制作日期：2016.11.07.
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