My Uncle's Secret Life
叔父鲜为人知的生活
By Sheila Aliee
Uncle and I are standing in line at the hamburger kiosk.
我和叔叔排队站在汉堡包摊前。
Me, tall, blonde and fair with my hand on Uncle Melrose's bent back.
我，高高的个子，金黄色的头发，白皙的肤色，一只手搭在叔父麦罗斯的驼背上。
He is fair, too, but very small.
他也肤色白皙，但个子矮小。
Uncle Melrose is bent nearly double from scoliosis and his clear blue eyes are crossed.
他的背因脊椎侧凸而弯得厉害，身子差不多要对摺起来，一双明亮的蓝眼睛是斜视的。
He points at the people in the queue and speaks so unintelligibly that only I can understand him.
他指着排队的人嘴里说些含混不清的话，只有我才明白他的意思。
[2] Before I know it, my seventy something-mentally-retarded uncle has his arms round a tall young man ahead of us. Since his arms are about waist-high on the young man, Uncle gently hugs him round his midriff.
稍不留神我那70岁的有些智障的叔父就已经用双臂抱住了前面的一个高个子青年。由于他的手臂刚好触到青年的腰，他只能轻轻地抱住他的腹部。
[3] " Let go!" I say, apologizing to the man as Uncle releases his grip.
“放开!”我大声说，他松手时我向那高个子道歉。
"It's OK," the man says, smiling, much to my relief.
“没什么，”那人微笑着说，这使我松了口气。
[4] Not everyone is so understanding when Uncle Melrose and I are out together. He not only points at people, he waves at them when they are right next to him. Sometimes the target of his greeting says hello or waves back. But mostly they look away or stare in disbelief.
我和麦罗斯叔叔一同出去时，并不是每个人都如此宽容理解的。叔父不仅用手指点人们，他还向站在他身边的人招手。有时他招呼的对象也向他打招呼，或挥挥手，但他们大多是眼看别处或不解地盯着他。
[5] I consider myself lucky to know Uncle Melrose. I learned of his existence by accident when I was 15 years old. One afternoon I was going through some old family photos when I ran across one of three little boys on the front veranda of their modest house.
认识麦罗斯叔叔我觉得自已很幸运。我15岁那年偶然得知他还活着的消息。一天下午，我翻看家里的旧照片时，突然看见一张站在自家简陋房子前廊上的三个小男孩的照片。
[6] The photo must have been taken when my dad, the oldest boy in it, was about nine years old. His brother Tracy must have been eight. The third boy looked about a year younger, but I did not know who he was.
这张照片一定是我父亲 (照片上最大的男孩)9岁时拍的。他的大弟特拉希一定只有8岁，那第3个男孩子看上去大约还小一岁，但我不知他是谁。
[7] "That's Pie," said my mum. "Your dad's brother."
“那是‘馅儿饼’，”妈妈说：“你爸爸的弟弟。”
"What happened to him?" I asked. "He's been living in the special school since he was 16."
“他怎么啦?”我问道。“他16岁起就一直住在特殊学校里。”
[8] Mother told me that Dad, the eldest of five children, had practically raised his mentally retarded brother. As a youngster, Melrose, who was nicknamed Pie, couldn't talk very well and his head was smaller than normal. He needed help going to the toilet and tying his shoelaces. He needed a lot of looking after, and it fell to my father to do the job.
妈妈告诉我，父亲是当时5个孩子中年龄最大的，实际上是他把有智障的弟弟领大的。麦罗斯小时候小名叫“馅儿饼”，他说话不清楚，脑袋比正常人的小，上厕所、系鞋带都需要别人帮忙。他需要很多照顾，这个任务就落到我父亲头上。
[9] Sometimes, frustrated with a world he could not understand or manage, Melrose would throw himself on the floor and kick, punching the air with his fists. He would curse and yell.
有时，麦罗斯因对世事不能理解和驾驭而大感恼火，他会扑倒在地，用脚乱踢，向空中挥舞拳头。他还大喊大叫诅咒骂人。
[10] When they didn't know what else to do with Melrose, Grandmother would tell Dad to take him for a drive in the family car. That usually calmed Uncle Melrose down. Sometimes Dad would drive his brother to town for a milkshake, or a "Mocha", as Melrose called it. A "mocha" was guaranteed to make him happy.
他们不知对麦罗斯怎么办时，祖母就让父亲开自家的车带他出去转转，那样会使麦罗斯叔叔平静下来。父亲时不时地驾车带他去镇上喝杯奶昔或喝一杯麦罗斯称之为“摩加”的咖啡。一杯“摩加”保证使他开心。
[11] By the time he was a teenager, Uncle Melrose had become unmanageable. There seemed no alternative but to put him in a special school for the retarded in Austin, Texas, about 130 kilometers from the family home.
到叔父十几岁时，家人管不住他，他们别无他法只好将他送到离家130公里外的得克萨斯州奥斯汀一所为智障患者开办的特殊学校。
[12] Granddad and Grandmother brought him home for periodic visits. But the good-byes were heartbreaking. Melrose would rage and thrash on the return trips.
祖父母定期接他回家。可是每次送他回学校时的分别都令人心碎。在回校的路上，麦罗斯都会大发脾气、扑打闹腾。
[13] Eventually, the school staff advised the family not to come back. It would be much better for everyone, they said, if there were no more painful good-byes.
最后校方劝导家人不要再让他回家。他们说，如果不再有痛苦的告别，对大家都要好得多。
[14] Once, however, Mum and Dad brought Melrose home for a visit, shortly after they were married. He and Dad had always slept together as kids and he could not understand why Dad did not join him in bed. Melrose fumed and stamped his foot.
可是有一次，结婚不久的父母专门去把他接回家看看他和我爸爸小时候总是睡在一起的。因此那次他不明白父亲为何不与他睡在一起，他火冒三丈，气得直跺脚。
[15] "Get that man in here!" he yelled.
“把那人弄过来!”他大声嚷道。
Dad cajoled his brother out of his tantrum by pointing at his own shoulder and urging Melrose to hit him. Melrose reared his arm back to strike, then burst into laughter.
父亲哄他不要发脾气，指着自己的肩，要麦罗斯用力捶。麦罗斯向后挥着手臂猛击，然后哈哈大笑起来。
[16] I tucked these stories into a mental filing cabinet and went on with my life. But I always wondered what he looked like as a grown man. When I moved to Austin in 1991 to work for the Texas Department of Mental Health and Mental Retardation, I decided to look him up.
我把这些故事塞进一个精神病档案柜里，继续过自己的日子。但是我总想知道成年后的麦罗斯是什么样子。当 1991年我搬到了奥斯汀为得克萨斯心理健康及智力障碍部工作时，我决心去看看他。
[17] On a crisp October afternoon, I drove up to the school. The caseworker assigned to Uncle Melrose told me that at the age of 70 he had a healthy appetite, was walking, hearing and seeing reasonably well. But with an IQ of 16, he was in the most limited range of mental retardation.
十月一个秋高气爽的下午，我开车去那所学校。分管麦罗斯叔叔的工作人员告诉我，以他70岁的年龄采说他的胃口很好，走路、听觉、视觉都相当好，但是智商仅为16，他患有最严重的智力障碍症。
[18] The caseworker escorted me into the day room to meet Uncle Melrose. There were a few men sitting at a table in the middle of the room, one of them a tiny man whose face barely showed above the table. My uncle Melrose.
那个管理人员陪我走进日间活动室去看望麦罗斯叔叔。屋子中央有几个人围着桌子坐着，其中有一个小个子，脸刚露出桌面，那就是我的叔叔麦罗斯。
[19] He was very small, perhaps only about 165 centimeters with skinny arms and legs and almost no hair save for a ring of blondish remnants from ear to ear.
他人很矮小，也许只有大约1．65米，手脚枯瘦如柴，除了两耳之间有一圈稀稀落落的黄发之外，几乎没有头发。
[20] He looked at me with open and vulnerable blue eyes that only a member of Dad's family could have. When the case-worker introduced us, Uncle Melrose stretched a large bony hand across the table and grasped mine tightly.
他那双蓝眼睛一只有父亲家的人才有的那种蓝眼睛——睁得大大的，迷茫无助地看着我。管理人员介绍我们时，麦罗斯叔叔从桌对面伸出一只瘦削的大手紧紧地抓住我的手。
[21] "Do you remember Dub?" I asked, using my father's nickname. "Yeah,"' he muttered.
“你记得达布吗?”我用父亲的小名试问。“是，”他咕哝着。
[22] "Is he your brother?"
“他是你的哥哥吗?”
"Yeah."
“是。”
[23] I'm your niece, Uncle Melrose." "All right."
“我是你的侄儿，麦罗斯叔叔。”“好啊。”
[24] "Do you like it here?" "Yeah."
“你喜欢这儿吗?”“是。”
He said "Yeah" to everything.
他对任何话都说“是”。
[25] I sat at the table holding his hand, tears in my eyes, not knowing what to say. The caseworker tried to help.
我握住他的手坐在桌旁，眼里含着泪花，不知该说什么才好。那个管理人员试图帮忙。
[26] "Melrose, isn't it nice to have your niece visit you? '
“麦罗斯，你侄儿来看你，是不是好高兴啊?”
"Yeah."
“是!”
[27] He couldn't know what a niece might be. But I guessed that at some level, he knew we were connected.
他可能不知道侄儿是什么不过我猜想从某种程度上讲，他知道我们是有关系的。
[28] "Melrose, here comes Willie," the caseworker said as one of the aides approached us. My uncle released his grip on my hand and wrapped his arms round Willie's hips.
“麦罗斯，威利来了!”那个管理人员说，一位助理向我们走来。叔叔松开抓住我的手，双臂抱住威利的屁股。
[29] "Hey, my man," Willie said, stroking his back. Willie joined us at the table and told me that Melrose was a real gentleman, very considerate of the other fellows in the dormitory.
“喂，你好，”威利拍拍他的背说。威利过来一同坐在桌边，他告诉我麦罗斯很有绅士风度，对同宿舍的其他伙伴很关心。
[30] The highlight of his day was emptying the rubbish. Every morning he would go to all the men's cubicles and pick up the rubbish bins.
他白天最主要的任务就是倒垃圾，每天上午他总是去所有的男士宿舍里收拾垃圾。
[31] At the end of my visit, the case-worker urged Uncle Melrose to hug me and he did, his thin arms stretching around me just below my waist. His head rested on my stomach. I told him I would come back.
探望结束时，那个管理人员鼓励麦罗斯叔叔抱抱我。那瘦削的双臂刚刚搂在我的腰下，头靠在我的肚子上。我告诉他我会回来看他的。
[32] In the months ahead, I visited my uncle many times. He loved to walk, even though he stumbled and held tightly to my arm. We walked in the grounds of the school because I wasn't brave enough to take him on an outing. He still had tantrums and I felt unsure of what he might do.
接下来数月里，我多次去看望他。他喜欢散步，尽管他走路跌跌撞撞、还使劲抓住我的手臂。我们只在学校运动场里走走而已，因为我不敢带他到外面去。他仍不时地要发病，我拿不准他可能会干什么。
[33] Then, one Saturday, I decided to take him to a cafe for a soft drink. As soon as I walked in the door to pick him up, he began stomping his foot and shouting "No!" I asked him if he wanted to go for a drive. "No!" I asked again; he said, "OK", and we stumbled out of the door. Once we got in the car, Uncle Melrose was in heaven. He looked out of the window and pointed at other cars. I stroked his bald head and asked him how he was.
后来有一个礼拜六，我决定带他去咖啡店喝点饮料。我刚跨进门去接他，他就开始跺脚大声嚷道“不去!”。我刚跨进门去接他，他就开始跺脚大声嚷道“不去!”。他说：“不!”我再次问他，他说：“行。”然后我们磕磕绊绊地出了门。一上车，麦罗斯叔叔就乐上了天。他望着车窗外，指着其它来来往往的车辆。我用手轻轻地摸着他光秃秃的头，问他感觉如何?
[34] "All right," he answered. "Where are we going?"
“行，”他回答说，“我们要去哪儿?”
"To get a soft drink," I said.
“喝饮料，”我说。
[35] "Where are we going?" "To get a soft drink." "OK." And he held my hand with amazing strength.
“我们要去哪儿?”“喝饮料，”“行。”他握住我的手，力气大得出奇。
[36] I reported often about my uncle to Dad, who said he was glad I was visiting his brother, but never offered to join me. I think it was just too painful for him. In the early years of his marriage, Dad wanted to buy some land so they could bring Melrose home to live and he could have "a place to roam . But when Mum became pregnant with their first child, her doctor advised against such a plan. Uncle Melrose could unintentionally hurt a child when he was in one of his rages, the doctor warned. It broke my father's heart that he was powerless to take care of Pie, and I think he believed that, somehow, he was responsible for his brother's situation.
我经常把叔叔的情况报告给父亲，他说，我去看望他弟弟他很高兴，但从来没说要和我一起去。我想这对他太痛苦了。他结婚头几年，就想买片地以便他们可以把麦罗斯带回家住，让他有块“闲逛的地方”。但当母亲怀上头个孩子时，医生不赞成这个计划。他警告说，麦罗斯叔叔发病时可能无意中会伤及孩子。父亲无力照顾“馅儿饼”，这使他大为伤心，我想他本人认为他对弟弟的处境要负一定的责任。
[37] A reunion of the two brothers seemed unlikely. Then, in early 1992, the government decided to close the special school. Since Uncle would have to be moved, a meeting was called to discuss his placement. To my amazement, Dad said he would be there.
兄弟俩团聚似乎不可能了。后来在1992年初，政府决定关闭那所特殊学校。由于叔父必须搬出，于是开会讨论他的安置问题。出乎我意料的是，父亲说他要去参加会议。
[38] The meeting was on a breezy, sunny April afternoon at the school. When Mum, Dad and I arrived the caseworker was already there, as were the other professionals who worked with my uncle. When Willie brought Uncle Melrose in, Dad jumped up and walked to his brother. Uncle Melrose's face lit up, and he smiled for the first time in my memory.
四月里一个风和日丽的下午，会议在学校举行。我与父母亲赶到时，那个管理人员以及其他帮助照顾叔叔的专业人员都已等候在那儿。当威利把麦罗斯叔叔带进来时，父亲一下子跳起来向他弟弟走去。麦罗斯叔叔面露喜色，在我记忆中这是他第一次笑。
[39] "Daddy! Daddy!" he called out, laughing and encircling Dad's waist with his bony arms. He couldn't conceal his joy.
“爸爸!爸爸!”他叫了起来，大声笑着，用枯瘦的手抱着父亲的腰。他掩饰不住自己的喜悦。
"No. I'm not Daddy," Dad said, red-faced . He was laughing as he put his arms round his stooped brother. "I'm Dub."
“不，我不是爸爸。”父亲红着脸说。他双手搂着驼背弟弟，笑了。“我是达布。”
[40] As Dad walked Uncle Melrose to a chair, I cried. Mum cried. Everyone except for Dad and Uncle Melrose was crying. It was the first time in more than 50 years that the brothers had seen each other.
父亲扶着麦罗斯叔叔向椅子走去时，我哭了，母亲哭了，除了他们俩，在场的人都哭了。这是50多年来兄弟俩第一次见面。
[41] In a perfect world, my dad and his brother would have been truly reunited after that first meeting. But that did not happen. The visits were quite hard for my elderly father, who assumed his long-ago role of caretaker, escorting his brother to the toilet and helping him to eat. There was sadness and guilt, but also the harsh reality of Dad's age and fragile health. There were a few more meetings between them before Dad died in 1997.
在一个美好的世界里，父亲和他弟弟本应在第一次见面后真正团聚。可是事情并未遂愿。那些探视对我年迈的父亲来说是很困难的，但他仍旧充当以前看护他的角色，扶他上厕所，给他喂食。这里有悲哀，有愧疚，但也有父亲年迈体弱的严酷现实。父亲1997年去世前，他们还见过几次面。
[42] Since my father died, my uncle is all I have of him--his silences, his quiet loving. But there's more to it than that. Uncle Melrose and I have become friends.
父亲去世后，叔父就是我从他那里所得到的一切了——他的沉默不语，他默默的爱意关怀。不仅仅如此，我和麦罗斯叔叔已成了朋友。
[43] We started going out for lunch. He gets the works --burger, chips, drinks. I cut his burger into four sections and teach him to dip the chips in tomato sauce. He eats it all, but it takes a long time--usually an hour. Uncle doesn't have many teeth and has to chew a lot. But he loves munching his chips and waving at people.
我们开始出去吃午餐。汉堡包、土豆片、饮料——够他吃一通的。我把汉堡包切成四块，还教他用薯条蘸番茄酱吃。他能全都吃光，但要很长时间——通常一个小时。叔父牙齿不多，要嚼好半天。但他喜欢大嚼薯条，对别人招手。
[44] Occasionally we speak on the phone. He tells me he is "All right", then asks a dozen times, "Where you at? I answer a dozen times, and he finally stops.
我们有时也通通电话，他告诉我说他“很好’。接着要问十多遍“你在哪里?”我也回答十多遍，最后他才停下来。
[45] Sometimes two months will pass before I venture the 66 kilometers to the group home where he now lives. We go through the foot-stomping, shouting ritual, and then we get in the car so he can go to eat a burger or drink a "mocha", as he did nearly 70 years ago with my father.
有时两个月快过去了，我才不辞辛劳开车6公里去他现在住的那个集体户。我们先要跺跺脚，大叫上几声，然后上车，他便可以去吃汉堡包或喝杯“摩加”什么的，就像他将近70年前与我父亲在一起时那样。
[46] There's never much conversation, just a peaceful togetherness. Sometimes we hold hands. When we say goodbye, we hug each other tightly, Uncle Melrose pressing his tiny head against my stomach.
我们从来没有很多话好说，就是平静地呆在一块儿。有时我们也牵着手。告别时，我们彼此紧紧拥抱，叔父的小脑袋紧贴在我的腹部。
[47] When people ask me why I go to see him, I tell them time stands still when Uncle and I are together. I forget myself and focus completely on this childlike, wounded little man who needs so much. There is a divine irony in these encounters: in finding Uncle Melrose, I found my best and truest self.
告别时，我们彼此紧紧拥抱，叔父的小脑袋紧贴在我的腹部。我会忘却自己，注意力全部放在这个天真、残疾而又太需要关爱的小老头身上。在与他多次的见面中竟有上天的嘲弄——我在了解麦罗斯叔叔的同时，发现丁最优秀和最真实的自我。
