《老爸老妈浪漫史》经典台词：浪漫稍纵即逝 现实总不愿请辞
（How I Met Your Mother）
车厘子/编译
本剧以回忆闪回的方式，用主角特德（Ted）孩子们讲述自己和妻子相遇的故事，描述了特德、罗宾（Robin）、马修（Marshall）、莉莉（Lily）、巴尼（Barney）5个生活在美国纽约的年轻人寻找真爱的故事，以及他们对生活的态度和对人生的认识。
爱是该剧的主题，恋人之爱婉转曲折地盘旋在友人之爱之中。他们珍惜每一个可能的真命天子，却又容易在一点点误会中放弃。他们追寻然后失恋，失恋接着再追寻。对他们而言，爱情只有过程没有终点，而在体会爱情的过程中，人生百味也在笑声中温馨上演。
Ted: Kids, every story in a man’s life is like a dot in an impressionist painting.
特德：孩子们，一个人一生中的每个故事就好比一个印象派画家作品中的一个色点。
Ted: Kids, when you are single, all you’re looking for is happily all after. But only one of your stories can end that way, the rest ended with somebody get hurt.
特德：孩子们，你们单身时，致力寻找的是终身幸福，但在你经历的所有爱情故事里只有一段的结局是圆满的，其它的则最终以某一方受伤而结束。
Ted: Kids, before I met your mother, when I was still out there searching, I learned something valuable. That love is not a science. You see, sometimes in life you just have to accept that certain things can’t be explained. And that’s kind of scary.
特德：孩子们，遇见你们老妈之前，当我还在寻找另一半时，我学到了一点，那就是爱情不是科学。你们瞧，有时候，你们必须接受，生活中有些事情是解释不了的，而且会让人感到震惊。
Ted: Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments. And they make life worth living. But here’s the problem: moments pass, and lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality.
特德：孩子们，人生中有很多非常浪漫的时刻，正是这些时刻让生活变得有意义。不过，问题在于，浪漫时刻转瞬即逝，而在浪漫时刻的角落里却潜伏着一个残酷不仁而又胡子啦喳的混蛋，他的名字叫现实。
Barney: [on Robin’s crush on Ted] That’s the bro code. A bro doesn’t tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn’t tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It’s quid pro bro.
巴尼：[谈起罗宾暗恋特德的事]“哥们”法典上说：一个哥们不能告诉一个共同的哥们，有第三个哥们喜欢他，就好像第三个哥们不会告诉那个共同的哥们第一个哥们曾在她面前出过丑一样，这是哥们平等原则。
Barney: For the first time, ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I’ve dreamed about this day, boys, and it’s going to be legendary. Together, we will own this city. Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends, we’ll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues through binge drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof shouting, “What’s up, new york?” We will be what is up new york.
巴尼：有史以来第一次，我们三个人同时都单身了。我一直梦想着这么一天，哥们，这将成为一个传奇。我们一起联手将会得到这座城市。每当有女孩想要报复她的前任男友时，我们就会出现；每当有女孩想要一醉解父愁时，我们就会出现；每当一个载着告别单身派对女郎的豪华轿车驶过城市街道，女郎们把头伸出天窗外大叫：“纽约，这是怎么了？”的时候，我们就是纽约的精髓所在。
Ted: The early bloom of romantics is a wonderful thing. you meet someone, you have a connection, and that person becomes sheer perfection in your eyes. You just can’t find anything wrong with them. You can’t wait to tell the world about it.
特德：爱情初绽时十分美好。你们遇见一个人，对她有了好感，那个人在你眼中就会变得完美无瑕。你就是找不到她们的缺点，并迫不及待地要告诉全世界。
Ted: What are you doing here?
Barney: The Lord’s work.
Ted: But you’re Satan!
特德：你在干什么？
巴尼：干上帝的工作。
特德：可你是撒旦！
Marshall: Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It’s like shopping in Barney’s mind.
马修：这里的一切既黑暗又粗糙还有点违法，这就好像在巴尼的脑子里血拼一样。
Ted: [On being dumped by his bride-to-be] Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face. There’s a third option: you can just let it go, and only when you do that it is really gone, and you can move forward. And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine. Mine was still out there waiting for me.
特德：[在婚礼上被新娘甩了之后]孩子们，也许你们认为只有两种选择：忍气吞声或者把气撒在别人身上。其实还有第三种选择：让它过去，也只有这样做了，一切才会消失，你才可以开始新的生活。孩子们，这才是完美爱情的完美结局。只是爱人不是她，我的爱还在某个地方等着我。
Barney: The Cheerleader Effect is when group of women seems hot but only as a group. Just like with cheerleaders. They seem hot, but take each one of them individually? Take a good, hard look at each one of those girls. Individually. Sleddogs. And that, my friends, is “The Cheerleader Effect.” Also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, Sorority Girl Syndrome, and for a brief window in the mid-’90s, the Spice Girls Conspiracy. Scary Spice indeed.
巴尼：所谓“啦啦队效应”就是一群女人只有在一起以群体形式出现的时候，你才会觉得她们火辣，就好像啦啦队队员一样，她们乍一看很火辣，但挨个单独打量一下试试？仔仔细细好好打量一下每一个女孩，逐个细看，雪橇狗而已。看到了吧，朋友们，那就是的“啦啦队效应”。也可以叫做“伴娘悖论”、“联谊会女生综合症”，还有——90年代中期的最红的——“辣妹联盟”，她们可真是辣得恐怖啊。
Ted: While baseball, strippers, and guns can’t help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.
特德：棒球、脱衣舞娘、手枪都不起作用，惟一可以真正治愈那颗破碎的心的只有时间。
Ted: Kids, sometimes your relationship goes so smoothly for so long that you think it will be that way forever. It never is.
特德：孩子们，有时你们的恋情发展得太顺利了，让你们以为以后都会一帆风顺。但生活从来都不是这样的。
Ted: Kids, when you reach your late 20s you might be surprised to discover you still don’t have life quite figured out.
特德：孩子们，当你们快30岁的时候，你们会惊奇地发现，原来你们还是没有真正地理解生活。
Ted: Learn about relationships is that you’re never done getting to know someone. Everyone has secrets. Some are nice. Some aren’t as nice.
特德：关于爱情，你们要学习的一点就是，你永远都不会完完全全了解一个人。人人都有秘密。有些是好的，有些不是。
Ted: First there’s the moment when you think you think it. There’s the moment you think you know it. There’s the moment where you know you know it, but you can’t yet say it. And then there’s the moment where you know you know it, and you can’t keep it in any longer.
特德：开始的时候，你意识到自己开始思考这事，之后你意识到你确实爱他，再后来你知道你爱他，但你说不出口，再再后来，你知道你爱他，但你再也忍不住想说出来。
Marshall: [every time before an interview he told himself in the mirror] You are confident. You are energetic. You are focused! [A lot of interviews] You are flexible on salary. You’re willing to compromise. You’re not gonna cry this time. [Too many interviews] You are sad. You are beaten down. You will get through this, come home, get in your big underpants and take a nap.
马修：[参加了很多场面试，每次他都对着镜子说]你胸有成竹，你精力旺盛，你万众瞩目！[多场面试过后]对于薪水你能屈能伸，你愿意妥协，你这次打死也不哭！[太多场面试过后]你真可悲，你一败涂地，你会挺过去的，回家吧，穿上你的大裤衩打个盹吧！
Robin: Guys are like subway really, you miss one, the next will come in 5 minites.
罗宾：男人就像地铁，你错过了一班，下一班会在5分钟内到达。
[Ted wants to get back together with one of his ex girlfriends]
Ex Girlfriend: You must think I have absolutely no self-respect.
Ted: Come on, just a cup of coffe. Give the guy a chance. Self-respect is overrated.
前女友：你一定认为我完全没有自尊。
特德：拜托，只是一杯咖啡而已，给我一个机会。自尊这个词用得太滥了。
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