【Mike Leary】
我见过太多好心办坏事的父母，很多孩子因此自残，自杀，谋杀。我尽量避免夸大其词。
总是给孩子若干个选择。（这样会造成孩子任何时候都有选择机会的错觉，实际上是没有选择余地的。）
不论孩子做什么都大肆褒奖。（我见过连孩子变成瘾君子都要表扬的 -_-!）
努力让孩子变得更开心。（小孩子得学会自己寻开心）
溺爱小孩，觉得不停给予就能让他们高兴。（这会导致他们以后不知满足，很容易对一件事上瘾，沉溺其中。）
让小孩忙于运动，觉得这样可以让他们摆脱很多麻烦。（结果成了一方恶霸，殃及无辜）
认为智商压倒一切，将高智商作为终极目标。（从此小孩变成自恋狂，举手投足全在演，彻头彻尾装逼犯~）
相信信教就可以塑造完美三观。（当他见识到大人世界的虚伪时，玻璃心就碎满地，三观被毁干净。）
对“性”之类的通识教育避之不谈，觉得这样小孩思想更纯洁。（我见过十三四岁就怀孕的少女，她们目的就是向父母炫耀一下。）
对孩子百般挑剔，认为自己的小孩就不该犯错。（造成孩子事事追求完美：外表，吸引力，运动能力，智商水平，不管什么方面都不放过。只要犯一点小错，就会有“生而为人，我很抱歉”的想法，陷入自我厌恶，甚至自残。
羞辱孩子，忽视孩子，威胁孩子“我不会再爱你了”，让他变听话。（短期内会有效果，但是潜在长期阴影。长此以往他就成了“风一样的少年”，什么事情都“I don’t care”。）
让孩子做不符年龄的事。（我有三个患者4岁就自力更生，有的还要照顾其他兄弟姐妹。我遇到的大部分丁克成员都不约而同地表示“我已经养过一个家了……”
不限制孩子在电视，广播，手游，电话，信息上花的时间。（我见过一个妈妈和她青春期的儿子短信飞来飞去，没人能插上话。长期下去现实社会的人际关系就没法得到发展。）
从不让孩子有觉得无聊的时候。（有些家长觉得孩子就该时时刻刻都活力四射，所以想尽办法不让他们闲下来。而这些孩子永远都学不会如何自“嗨”。）
保护孩子不让他们造成过失。（那些初衷良好，规范孩子所有行为希望他们免于法律纠纷的家长，会惊讶地发现他们的孩子目空一切。所有人都要吃一堑才能长一智，吸取教训才知道以后什么不该做。）
不让孩子参与冒险活动。（森林幼儿园<一种对3-6岁孩子实行全部户外教育活动，鼓励孩子在自然中探索学习的幼儿园>的孩子相较于受到监管的传统幼儿园的同龄孩子，明显身体更健康，有更强的适应力和合作能力。）
孩子睡前不询问他今天的活动细节。（“你今天都干了什么？”当父母对孩子的活动表现出兴趣时，他们会有被爱的感觉，睡得更加香甜。这对孩子来说意义重大。）
太小的孩子不必念书给他听。（阅读需要孩子保持安静，运用自身的想象力。这是让孩子为以后的课堂听讲作准备。）
太早地给孩子断奶。（父母都知道吸奶嘴是没有安全感的象征，所以不等孩子不需要奶嘴自动放弃时就抢先给孩子断奶。所以我常看到成年人还偷偷吸自己的大拇指……）
不让孩子规律饮食，只在乎孩子是不是“饱了”，还总是给他们“再来一碗”。（孩子以后只会一味求饱，暴饮暴食，不注意肠胃承受能力控制食量。）
以下为英文原文：
【Mike Leary】
I have seen so many good intentions go horribly wrong over the years including self-harm, suicide and murder springing from it. I will try to avoid a rant:
Giving the child more than two choices. (Then they think they always should have choices when they don't)
Praising the child for everything they do. (I see praise junkies as kids)
Trying to make the child happy. (Their job is to learn to make themselveshappy)
Overindulging the child, believing acquisitions lead to happiness. ( it sets up chasing the never satisfying carrots; addictions and compulsions)
Keeping them busy with sports, believing it will keep them out of trouble. (I've seen so many become bullies or burned out on everything)
Thinking smart will save them. Promoting smart as the end all be all. (They become arrogant or secretly believe that they have to put on an act and are a fraud)
Thinking strict religion will give them perfect values and save them. (The first time they see hypocracy in their parents or touted beloved leaders, the house of cards start to fall)
Thinking withholding common information like sex, will save them. (I've seen thirteen and fourteen year old girls get pregnant, sometimes just to flaunt it at their parent)
Being critical of mistakes assuming they should never fail. (These kids are driven to perfection in everything from looks, likability, sports, smarts, or you name it. When a mistake happens, they are worthless as a human being so start getting angry or self-harm.)
Using shame, shunning, or threats of not loving them, in order to achieve compliance. (It is a short term gain with abandonment lurking in the shadows. Then they don't care either)
Making the kid do things inappropriate for their age. (I have three patients right now who at age four we're having to feed themselves and or being in charge of a sibling too. I've seen many who didn't have children of their own because as they all said, "I've raised my family.")
Not limiting screen time whether TV, video, games, phone or texting. (I know a family where the mom and teen age son text each other constantly and no one else can get into their link; real relationship dynamics are not developed.)
Not letting kids get bored. (Some parents think children are supposed to be stimulated at all times and it's their job to avoid boredom. The kids don't learn to be creative nor find it in themselves.)
Protecting kids from their own consequences and loss. (I see parents with good intentions from plastic everything to buying them out of legal trouble, surprised when the child respects nothing. All of us need to learn losing is just another day to gain wisdom and experience about what not to do.
Not letting kids play dangerously. (The Forest Kindergarten schools have shown the kids get sick less, are more well adjusted, and get along better than their regulated indoor peers)
Not debriefing kids at bed time. "What happened today?" Children sleep better and feel loved when the parent shows interest in what happened that was significant to them in their own lives.
Not reading to very young children. (Reading requires the child to be still, be quiet, and use their imagination. All the things videos don't. It prepares them for listening in school.)
Pulling pacifiers too soon age-wise. (Parents know it is an outward symbol of insecurity so tend to take it away as soon as they can, instead of getting the child secure where it would drop out naturally. I have adults who secretly suck their thumbs.)
Not regulating food and and especially saying "Are you full?" Typically they load the plate again. (Kids then chase a full-filled sensation, not understanding each time you fill yourself, your stomach adapts to that as normal and expands.)
Spanking older children over five thinking it will teach them to mind and be good. (Using corporal punishment never works as well as love. I see all kinds of patients where the concept of 'Spare the rod-spoil the child' was anything but. No spoiling, just oppositional, angry, bullying, deceiving, avoidant, fearful or performing automatons.)
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