Maybe he wasn’t too particular about some things before he met you or before things got serious, but one way to know that a guy really cares about you is that he begins to pay attention to the things you care about. You will notice that little things like your wanting to keep the house tidy, have the dishes or maybe that he should take better care of himself will receive attention from him.
While his efforts might be totally satisfactory, a guy who loves you will make significant effort to please you in the areas that he knows you’re picky about even when he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. This doesn’t mean that he’ll become your puppet, doing whatever you want. But if you really look carefully, you should be able to see all the significant ways he has made changes for you, however little.
He loves you and thinks the best of you and because of this, you’ll see him going to great lengths to make sure you know and believe it. Whenever you don’t feel good or beautiful about yourself, you’ll notice that his response is to encourage you and sometimes show his genuine surprise at your negative feelings and thoughts about you.
You will see him making sure to tell you how beautiful you are. You will be able to tell from his comments and behaviour that he genuinely appreciates you.
If he loves you, he can’t be unconcerned about your troubles. Most times, you will find taking on and trying to solve your problems for you. He may talk about it all the time but you see through his actions that your problems have been on his mind and he’s trying to help.
Whenever you have a problem that he can’t help you with, you might see him getting frustrated. One thing you’ll see is that he will always try to offer you assurance.
A man, a real man who loves and cares about you cannot be seen jumping ship and going missing when things get rough. If the relationship is going through a rough patch, his reaction cannot be to walk away and leaving you hanging. Because of his love for you, you will see him trying to work things out, act more mature and understand what you need.
You will find him making adjustments that he may have never accepted all because he wants to be with you. He may not do everything right but you’ll see him putting his best foot forward and he will certainly stick around. Problems will become an opportunity to prove himself as the man for you if he truly loves you.
When a man loves you and has come to the conclusion that you are the one, you will see it in his attitude and in his speech. He’ll no speak in what ifs, he becomes more serious about other life plans so that he contribute his best to the relationship. He will take more interest in other parts of your life like wanting to know your family and friend. He will want you to have more stake and involvement in his life. He will begin to see himself and act like a man with responsibilities not because he thinks you are weak and can’t do anything for yourself but because he loves you and has made the decision that you’re going to be a major part of his life; with your permission, of course。
Couples should have a clear understanding of what the other person’s values are. Each partner should know what things are most important to the other person, what they can compromise and what they cannot. This will help both of them to determine if they are well-suited to each other and help each partner to accept what they will be going into.
All foreseeable expectations should be clearly discussed and understood by intending couples whether it’s finances, children, in-laws, living arrangements and every other concievable issue. this will help to avoid many problems.
This is also important; couples should make their financial situation clear to their intending spouses. Trying to spring surprises or holding back information can back-fire.
A person who wants to get married should understand that his/her intending partner is entitled to important information about them that will feature in their lives- whether is family information, past relationship, past mistake, achievements or any information that will help the other person understand their spouse better. Any information that might also bear on the other person’s decision to go ahead with the marriage should be discussed.
Fighting and disagreements do not mean that a person is not your soul mate. Loving someone comes in many different stages and after the initial stage where the other person seem unable to do anything wrong, you will quickly come to see that your partner is not perfect. In marriage, the proximity and intensity will let you see many things that you don’t agree with your spouse about. This will lead to many disagreements and possibly fights; how you go about handling disagreements is dependent on your expectations, temperaments and level of maturity.
Don’t believe all the always smiling, harmonious front that most married couples like to present. They might not feel the need to tell you this but disagreements are constant feature of marriages. You will have disagreements from time to time, all through your marriage; some may be trivial and others may be more serious.
There will be many times in your marriage when you won’t see your husband or wife in shining light. Sometimes you will be angry and bitter towards your spouse, sometimes you will bored with the routine both of you have settled into, sometimes you’ll become so familiar with them being in your life that you may take them for granted. So many things will happen in the cause of your life that will bring up moments when it seems you are tired or uninterested in your spouse or marriage. As a couple, both of you must do the work of being sensitive to these moment and finding ways of rekindling the love and sense of purpose for your relationship.
That man or woman will surprise you and break your heart in the course of that marriage, probably more than once. It may not be infidelity or some great evil but the truth is that your spouse will spring up many surprises in your relationship and many of them will not be pleasant. He/she will shock you with many unexpected behaviours that will disappoint you and may even be devastating to you. That is why anyone who get married must go in armed with the spirit of forgiveness.
Before you get too self-righteous, you should know that you will disappoint your spouse in many ways too.
Life is full of curve-balls and marriage will never be able to prevent that. You must know that you have many unplanned trials and temptations that will test your love and commitment to each other. Apart from the disappointments that you will encounter, life will bring its own storms and disappointment which will affect your relationship and may determine if you will make it or not.Storms can come in the area of sickness, finances, children, and many other dashed hopes. How you both handle things will make or break your marriage.
Being faithful in marriage is not a magic wand; it takes a lot to maintain that commitment. Love alone will not keep your spouse from cheating on you; many people who are cheating on their spouse do love them.
They are a lot of temptations in life but one of the biggest things that lead people into being unfaithful in marriage is unfulfilled needs. So even though, you might be madly in love with each other, your husband or wife may fall to the temptation of infidelity if they are unmet physical, emotional, and psychological needs among others. And sometimes people cheat because they found themselves in a trying situation where their self-control failed them.
You need to keep in mind that it’s not only wicked, selfish spouses that cheat; everyone is susceptible to infidelity in marriage including you. This is why the work of remaining faithful to each other is something that both of you will need to help each other with.
So you think you’ve found the one and everything seems to be going on smoothly. Marriage seems to be the next thing and you’re already thinking about marriage. Maybe there’s already been a proposal and both of have agreed to get marriage. That’s just great but maybe you need to slow down a little.
A good marriage requires a good foundation and both of you must fully understand what a serious commitment like marriage means to the other person. You simply cannot afford to go into marriage going in different directions or with different expectation. Where there are differences, you must know them, not necessarily because you want to compulsory forge an agreement but so you know if its a difference you can accept or not. A lot marriages could have been prevented and lot of them, if only couples had asked the right questions before stepping. An informed decision leaves less room for regret.While there are whole lot of things to be discussed and questions to be asked before marriage, these twenty questions and the answers you get will give good enough picture that you can base your final decision on. Ask these questions in a relaxed but serious mood so that you can get the most honest answers. Here they are:2. Do you want to have a pre-nuptial [pri?'n?p?(?)l] agreement?
3. What do you believe the role of a husband/wife should be?
4. What do you think the role of a parent should be?
5. Do you want to have children?
6. If yes, how many children?
7. How important are your parents/family to you?
8. How important do you think family is?
9. Do you think couples should know everything about each other finances?
10. Are we making all financial decisions jointly?
11. What do you think about debt?
12. On what grounds would divorce be justified for you?
13. Is there anything you would consider unforgivable?
14. Do you think infidelity is inevitable in a marriage?
15. Do you think we must have the same political/religious views
16.How important is achieving your ambitions/dreams to your happiness and fulfillment?
17. Would you be willing to put your career/desires on hold to support mine if necessary?
18. If you had a challenge, whose opinion would you seek first?
19. If you had to travel for a long time or if you died, would you be comfortable to leave things in my hands?
20. What is the most important legacy you want to leave behind?
Human love has an evolutionary purpose. When we experience feeling loved our brain and nervous system become more relaxed and efficient and we feel happier and are healthier. Feeling loved is nature’s antidote to stress. There is no quicker or more effective way to override too much stress and upset than positive face-to-face communication with someone that makes us feel understood, safe, and valued.
Falling in love is often an experience that seems to just happen to us but preserving the “falling in love” experience takes commitment and effort. Given its rewards, though, it’s well worth the effort. Here are some of things neuroscience has taught us about preserving the falling in love experience—perhaps for a lifetime:
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