13 Fantasies I Had While On Day One Of My Period
我在例假第一天的13个幻想
1. I’m lying in the fetal position on a giant circular bed that is surrounded by lace curtains. It is 63 degrees. The bed is vibrating just slightly, and I am wearing silk pajamas so big that the sleeves and legs of my pants drape over the edges of the bed.
1. 我像胎儿一样躺在一张挂着蕾丝帘子的大圆床上。气温有63度。床在轻微振动，而我穿着过大的丝绸睡衣，袖子和裤腿沿着床边坠了下来。
2. I’m sitting on a throne on an elevated platform. One hot person is holding a heating pad in place over my uterus, and in front of me, a line of 30-50 more hot people wait in line to take a chocolate covered pretzel from the vase and place it on my tongue.
2. 我坐在高高的宝座上。一个火辣的人举着加热垫放在我子宫的位置，我面前还有30到50个火辣的人排着队要把巧克力脆饼从瓶子里拿出来放到我的舌头上。
3. Channing Tatum holds me like a baby and feeds me from a bottle of chocolate milk.
3. 查宁·塔图姆将我像宝宝一样抱在怀中，拿着瓶子喂我巧克力牛奶。
4. I show up at my office to find a sign on the door that reads: “WORK HAS BEEN CANCELED FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK DUE TO ASBESTOS. PLEASE LOOK DOWN. :)” I look down, and on the floor is a box of doughnuts, and when I open it, there is just one left. On my way back outside, I run into several coworkers, whom I inform that work is canceled, and there were doughnuts, but there aren’t anymore.
4. 我到了办公室，却发现门上有张纸，上面写着：“由于石棉的原因，这周剩下几天的工作取消。请看下面。：）”
我向下看，在地板上发现一盒甜甜圈，打开发现只剩一个。出门遇见几个同事，我告诉他们不用上班了，本来还有甜甜圈吃，现在已经没了。
5. [Censored]
5. 限制级。
6. My hair comes all the way down to the ground, and my best friend spends the entire day braiding it as I fall in and out of consciousness.
6. 我的头发一直垂到地上，我最好的朋友花一整天帮我编头发，而我几度忽睡忽醒。
7. I’m lying motionless in a bathtub filled to the brim with gummy worms.
7. 我一动不动地躺在一个盛满了黏黏的蠕虫的浴缸里。
8. I’m wearing a snowsuit inside a sleeping bag that has been secured to a sled being slowly pulled across a large, frozen lake by a pack of four dozen goldendoodle puppies. Above me, there is a plane skywriting Pride and Prejudice line by line.
8. 我穿着防雪服躺在睡袋里，睡袋被绑在雪橇上，48只小金毛贵宾犬慢慢地拉着雪橇经过一个很大的冰冻的湖面。头顶上有一架飞机，正用喷气一句一句地书写《傲慢与偏见》。
9. Everyone who has ever hurt my feelings is squeezed into a McDonald’s PlayPlace together, and I am sitting in a booth below, watching them struggle to get out while eating a Supersize French fries with a medium chocolate shake.
9. 所有伤害过我的感情的人都被一起塞进麦当劳乐园，我坐在下面的座位上，看着他们一边吃超大号炸薯条配中杯巧克力奶昔，一边挣扎着要出来。
10. I faint in the street, and a casting director for Law & Order: SVU hires me on the spot to play a dead girl in the episode they’re shooting that day.
10. 我在大街上晕倒了，被《法律与秩序：特殊受害者》的选角导演当场看中，在他们当天拍的那一集中出演一名受害女孩。
For my scene, I lie on the street while Mariska Hargitay bends over, looks at my face, and says that I am the most beautiful victim she has ever seen, and that whoever did this to me will pay. The director has us do 25 takes to get it just right.
我演的场景是这样的：躺在路上，玛莉丝卡·哈吉塔弯腰看着我的脸，说我是她见过的最美丽的受害者，杀害我的人会付出代价。导演让我们拍了25遍才成功。
11. I am God, and I crumple Earth in my hand like a piece of paper.
11. 我是上帝，我捏碎地球就像撕碎一张纸一样。
12. I have one of those beer-dispensing hats, but it has two tubes instead of one, and instead of beer, it is filled with milk in one compartment, and Reese’s Puffs cereal in the other.
12. 我有一顶类似啤酒桶的帽子，但它有两根而不是一根管子，装的也不是啤酒，而是一边装牛奶，另一边装麦片。
13. [[[Extremely censored]]]
13. 严重限制级。
原文摘自Buzzfeed，作者Katie Heaney
