Benjamin Franklin, Advice to aYoung Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).
June 25, 1745
My dear Friend,
I know of no Medicine fit todiminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did,I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the properRemedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the Statein which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasonsagainst entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded.The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, arenot only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of theThing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make thecompleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body andStrength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acuteDiscernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. Asingle Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State ofUnion. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of aPair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry inyour Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortunesufficient.
But if you will not take thisCounsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable,then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you shouldprefer old Women to youngones. You call this aParadox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
i. Because as they have moreKnowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd withObservations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastinglyagreable.
2. Because when Women cease to behandsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence overMen, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation ofUtility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and arethe most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thusthey continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to befound as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because there is no hazard ofChildren, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with muchInconvenience.
4. Because thro' more Experience,they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue toprevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer withregard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affairshould happen to be known, considerate People might be ratherinclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a youngMan, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruininghis Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
5. Because in every Animal thatwalks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Musclesappears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank andwrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Partscontinuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all abovewith a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it isimpossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as inthe dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment withan old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knackbeing by Practice capable of Improvement.
6. Because the Sin is less. Thedebauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Lifeunhappy.
7. Because the Compunction isless. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none ofwhich can attend the making an old Woman happy.
8thly and Lastly They areso grateful!!
Thus much for my Paradox. Butstill I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Youraffectionate Friend.
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