5 Toxic Beliefs That Can End Any Relationship
终结任何恋情的5种有害恋爱观
Want to maximize the chances that your relationship will last? If you do, take an inventory of your relationship belief system. If you have a habit of carrying negative thought patterns into your romance, you could be sabotaging your prospects at everlasting love.
想要尽最大可能让爱情之花常开？如果是的话，需要盘点一下你的爱情信仰体系了。如果你习惯在爱情中融入消极的思维方式，你可能正在破坏你的恋情。
Here are the top five toxic beliefs that can end any relationship:
下面这五种有害的想法会导致任何恋情夭折：
1. Believing your happiness is the responsibility of the of the other person.
认为你的幸福是对方的责任。
When your partner does something hurtful, it is natural to want to blame them for your feelings of shock, anger and disappointment. Expressing and working through these emotions is the one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and your relationship. However, if days, months, and years go on with you continuing to be miserable because you just can’t “let go” of what the other person did, your relationship is at serious risk.
当你的恋人做了一些伤害性的事情，想要指责他们是很自然的。因为他们让你感到震惊，愤怒和失望。你能够为自己和你们的恋情所做的最有益的事情之一是表达并克服这些情绪。然而，如果日复一日，年复一年你仍然难以释怀，仍然因对方做过的事情而痛苦，那么你们的恋情就处于危险的边缘。
While someone may have acted unkindly, disrespectfully or even abusively, ultimately, there is only one person responsible for your happiness. That person is you. There is power in taking responsibility for your own life’s happiness.
尽管有人的行为不友好，不尊重甚至是侮辱性的，最终，为你的幸福负责的只有一个人，那就是你。为自己生活中的幸福负责是你的权利。
Don’t give that power away to someone else, even your lover!
不要把这项权利移交给任何人，哪怕是你的恋人！
2. Believing your relationship should always be struggle and drama-free.
认为你们的恋情没有困难，没有波折。
As a human, you are here to learn and grow so you can become fulfilled in your life. Growth, however, just isn’t possible without the occasional struggle. Your partner is one of the best people to help you work through your personal and relationship limits to realize the fullness of who you really are.
作为人类，你降临人世是为了学习和成长，从而在生活中获得充实和满足感。然而，没有偶尔的艰难是不可能成长的。你的恋人是帮助你突破个人和恋情的限制，让你充分实现自我的最佳人选。
Why? Because that person loves you!
为什么呢？因为这个人爱你！
When things feel hopeless because of the relationship conflict you are experiencing, before you throw in the towel, consider these possibilities: (a) YOU could be wrong; (b) if you are right, the principle of the matter isn’t worth hanging onto for the sake of peace; (c) your partner’s behavior is a reflection of the way in which you have been treating them; and (d) just like you, your partner wants validation, security and love.
当你经历恋情矛盾而感到无望时，放弃之前先考虑下面的可能性：(a) 你是错的；(b)如果你是对的，为了和平考虑，不值得你坚持这样的原则；(c) 你的伴侣的行为反映了你对待他们的方式；(d)就像你一样，你的伴侣也希望得到肯定，安全和爱。
By reframing your relationship growing pains, you will see conflict as the gift that it truly is.
重新认识恋情发展之痛，你会把矛盾视为一份真正的礼物。
3. Believing that once your trust has been broken, all hope is lost for your relationship.
认为一旦信任破裂，你们的恋情就毫无希望。
At some point in your relationship, your partner will break their word to you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you will break your word to your partner, as well. These things do not make either of you “bad” people. They do not make you poor relationship material.
在恋情的某个时候，你的恋人可能会对你食言。无论你是否承认，你也会对你的恋人食言。这些事情不会让任何一方成为“坏人”，也不会让你成为不良恋爱对象。
They simply make you human.
它们只会让你成为真正的人。
You will undoubtedly feel devastated when your life’s partner has broken your trust. While you should allow yourself to experience the range of emotions that you will, if you love the other person and want to save the relationship, you will do one thing for certain: have a conversation to try to comprehend what lead your partner to do what they did.
毫无疑问，当你生活的伴侣辜负了你的信任时，你会感觉到震惊和难过。你可以放纵自己宣泄情绪。然而，如果你爱对方，希望挽救这段恋情，你一定要做的一件事就是：进行对话，试着了解你的伴侣为何会做出这种事。
There will be some situations where your partner doesn’t understand their own actions. In most cases, however, with honest communication, it is possible to comprehend the reasons “why” (although you may not agree with the behavior itself). Once you grasp the cause for your partner’s conduct, ask yourself how or whether you contributed to those actions.
有时你的伴侣也不能理解自己的行为。然而，大部分情况下，通过真诚的沟通，是有可能理解事情的原因的（尽管你或许不赞同这种行为）。一旦你了解了造成对方行为的原因，问一下自己，你是否或如何促成了这种行为的发生。
If your own behavior was a contributing factor, consider whether the relationship is important enough to you (and it would be healthy for you) to consider changing your behavior…for the sake of love.
如果你自己的行为也是一个促成因素，考虑一下这段恋情对你来说是否足够重要（对你来说比较健康），为了爱情，改变自己的行为。
4. Believing that keeping secrets from your partner is lying or breaking their trust.
认为向你的伴侣保密是撒谎或不信任的行为。
Do you hate being around your in-laws? If so, in the name of relationship integrity, do you need to share that fact with your partner every time you think about it? Absolutely not!
你是否讨厌和亲家相处？如果是的话，为了恋情的完好考虑，你是否每次这样想的时候都需要告诉你的恋人？千万不要！
Sometimes saving your relationship actually depends on you not telling your lover about every thought that crosses your mind; not having a filter could subject your partner to thoughts which are fleeting and insignificant. However, in many cases, when constantly spoken, these unimportant thoughts permanently poison the soil from which contentment and trust bloom.
有时挽救恋情取决于不要把你脑海中的每一个想法都告诉你的恋人。不经大脑脱口而出的想法可能只是一闪而过又无关紧要的。然而，许多情况下，如果经常说的话，这些不重要的想法会永久性地毒害满足和信任生长的土壤。
When you are inclined to share something that could be hurtful to your partner, ask yourself whether the disclosure is necessary to preserve the continued well-being of the relationship. If it isn’t, consider keeping the secret to yourself.
当你倾向于分享可能伤害你的恋人的想法时，问一下自己，显露内心的想法对于维护你们的恋情是否必要。如果不是，考虑把这个秘密埋藏心底。
5. Believing that work, children and friends are all more important than time spent on your relationship.
认为工作，孩子和朋友都比花费时间经营恋情更加重要
Once the hormone-infused “honeymoon” is over, for individuals in a relationship, they get back to the business of life. For you, that could mean immersing yourself in your work, your children, your hobbies and your friends. It is all too easy to allow your partner to sink to the lowest priority in trying to juggle these competing interests. The sustained lack of focus on a relationship causes many people to wake up one day (after the kids are gone, for example) and realize they are in a committed relationship with a stranger.
一旦荷尔蒙滋养的“蜜月期”结束，恋爱中的个人就会重回生活琐事。对你来说，可能意味着沉迷于工作，孩子，爱好和朋友。你的恋人很容易就会下降到最不重要的地位，从而与你的诸多爱好相竞争。恋情中持续缺乏关注会导致许多人有一天醒来时（例如孩子离开后）意识到他们的恋人就像是陌生人。
Don’t let this happen to you. Just like you do with your job supervisor, schedule a regular time to sit and explore how each of you are feeling, whether your respective needs are being met, and what can be done to improve the areas in which a need isn’t being met. Aside from this regular relationship evaluation, spend time with your partner, away from everyone else, enjoying their company, learning new things and creating a vision for your shared future.
不要让这种情况发生在你的身上。就像与你的主管一样，经常安排时间坐下来相互了解对方的感受，相互是否受到了尊重，对于没有得到满足的方面，应该怎样来改善。除了经常进行恋情评估外，远离他人，与恋人共度二人世界，享受他们的陪伴，学习新事物，共同展望你们的未来。
With regular and consistent communication, you and your partner will give each other the chance to discover and end these toxic beliefs that could threaten to end any relationship – even yours.
经常始终如一地进行沟通，你和恋人都会给予对方机会来发现和终止这些可能会威胁你们的恋情的有害思想。
