注：本文图片拍摄自克里希那穆提冥思坊Sue
本文来自克里希那穆提冥思坊 公众号：Krishnamurti_KMS
'I just want to be left alone, undisturbed and at peace; and why am I constantly disturbed?'
“我只是想要独自呆着，不被打扰，太太平平的；但是为什么我不断地被打扰呢？”
You have been defending yourself all your life have you not? What you are really interested in is to find out how to stop up all the openings, and not how to live without fear, without dependence. From what you have said and left unsaid, it is obvious that you have tried to make your life secure against any kind of inward disturbance; you have withdrawn from any relationship that might cause pain. You have managed fairly well to safeguard yourself against all shock, to live behind closed doors and windows. Some are successful in doing this, and if pushed far enough its ultimate end is the asylum; others fail and become cynical, bitter; and still others make themselves rich in things or in knowledge, which is their safeguard. Most people, including the socalled religious, desire abiding peace, a state in which all conflict has come to an end. Then there are those who praise conflictas the only real expression of life, and conflict is their shield against life.
你一辈子都在保护自己，不是吗？你真正感兴趣的是找出如何堵住所有出口的办法，而不是如何没有恐惧、不依赖地生活。从你已经说的和留着没说的话中，很明显你一直试图让你的生活在任何内在打扰面前安全可靠；你从任何可能造成痛苦的关系中撤退。你已经相当成功地在所有冲击面前保护了你自己，生活在关闭的门窗后面。有些人在这种事情上是很成功的，而如果推究得足够远的话，最终的结局将是精神病院；有些人失败变得愤世嫉俗，悲悲惨惨；还有些人用物质或知识充实自己，那是他们的保护伞。大多数人，包括所谓宗教徒，都渴望持久的安宁，一种所有冲突都结束的状态。于是就会有那些将冲突吹捧为生活的唯一真实变现的人，而冲突是他们防御生活的盾牌。
Can you ever have peace by seeking security behind the walls of your fears and hopes? All your life you have withdrawn, because you want to be safe within the walls of a limited relationship which you can dominate. Is this not your problem? Since you depend, you want to possess that upon which you depend. You are afraid of and therefore avoid any relationship whichyou cannot dominate. Isn't that it?
通过在你的恐惧和希望的围墙后面寻求保障，你曾经有过安宁吗？你一生都在退缩，因为你想要在你可以支配的有限关系的围墙后面太平度日。这不就是你的问题吗？因为你必须依靠，所以你想要占有你依靠的东西。你害怕因而躲避任何你无法支配的关系。不是吗？
'That is rather a brutal way of putting it, but perhaps that is it.'
“您这样说相当残忍，但也许就是这样的。”
If you could dominate the cause of your present disturbance, you would be at peace; but since you cannot, you are very concerned. We all want to dominate when we do not understand; we want to possess or be possessed when there is fear of ourselves. Uncertainty of ourselves makes for afeeling of superiority, exclusion and isolation.
如果你能够支配现在让你烦乱的原因，你将处在安宁当中；但是因为你不能支配，所以你非常忧虑。当我们不了解的时候，我们都想要支配；但我们对自身有恐惧的时候，我们都想要占有或者被占有。我们自身的不安定性导致了优越感、排外感和隔绝。
If I may ask, of what are you afraid? Are you afraid of being alone, of being left out, of being made uncertain?
请允许我这样问，你害怕什么呢？你害怕独处、被遗弃、变得心神不宁吗？
'You see, all my life I have lived for others, or so I thought. I have upheld an ideal and been praised for my efficiency in doing the kind of work which is considered good; I have lived a life of self-denial, without security without children, without a home. My sisters are well-married and socially prominent, and my older brothers are high government officials. When I visit them, I feel I have wasted my life. I have become bitter, and I deeply regret all the things that I haven't had. I now dislike the work I was doing, it no longer brings me any happiness, and I have abandoned it to others. I have turned my back upon it all. As you point out, I have become hard in my self-defence. I have anchored myself in a younger brother who is not well off and who considers himself a seeker of God. I have tried to make myself inwardly secure, but it as been a long and painful struggle. '
“您看，我一直为别人或者，或者想为别人或者。我一直赞成某种理想，并因为在某些被认为有益的工作中变现出色而备受赞扬；我过的是自我否定的生活，没有保障，没有孩子，没有家庭。我的姐妹们婚姻幸福，社会地位显赫，而我的哥哥们是政府高官。当我拜访他们的时候，我觉得自己已经浪费了生命。我感到痛苦，而且我深深地后悔我还没有做过许许多多事情。现在我讨厌我曾经从事的工作，它不再带给我任何快乐，我已经把工作交给了别人。我完全背弃了它。正如您指出的，我已经在自我保护中变得坚硬。我把自己寄托在一个不走运的自认是上帝的寻求者的弟弟身上。我一直试图让我的内心无忧无虑，但这却是一场，漫长而痛苦的挣扎。”
'It is this younger brother who brought me toone of your talks, and the house which I had been so carefully building began to tumble down. I wish to God I had never come to hear you, but I cannot rebuild it, I cannot go through all that suffering and anxiety again. You have no idea what it has been
like for me to see my brothers and sisters with position, prestige, andmoney. But I won't go into all that. I have cut myself off from them, and I rarely see them. As you say, I have gradually shut the door upon all relationships except one or two; but as misfortune would have it, you came to this town, and now everything is wide open again, all the old wounds have come to life, and I am deeply miserable. What am I to do?'
“正是这个弟弟把我带到您的演讲会上，而那间我一直在小心营造的藏身之所开始倒塌。我但愿我没来听您演讲，可是我不可能重建它了，我不可能再次经历所有那些痛苦和焦虑。您不知道对我来说看到我的兄弟姐妹们拥有地位、声望和金钱是什么滋味。但是我不会掺和进去。我把自己和他们隔离开，很少见他们。正像您说的，我已经对所有关系关闭了大门，除了一两个人之外；但是就像注定在劫难逃，您来到这个城镇，现在一切都再次被暴露在光天化日之下，所有旧伤都复发了。我深深地感到悲哀。我该怎么办呢？”
The more we defend, the more we are attacked; the more we seek security, the less of it there is; the more we want peace, the greater is our conflict; the more we ask, the less we have. You have tried to make yourself invulnerable, shockproof; you have made yourself inwardly unapproachable except to one or two, and have closed all the doors to life. It is slow suicide. Now, why have you done all this? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Don't you want to know? You have come either to find away to close all the doors, or to discover how to be open, vulnerable to life. Which is it you want - not as a choice, but as a natural, spontaneous thing?
我们越是防卫，越会受到攻击；我们越寻求保障，保障越少；我们越想要安宁，冲突越大；我们要求得越多，拥有得越少。你一直试图让自己不受伤害，岿然不动；除了对一两个人以外，你让自己的内在不可接近，并且对生活关闭所有的门。这是慢性自杀。你为什么做这些事呢？你曾经问过自己这个问题吗？难道你不想要知道吗？你既不是来寻求办法关闭所欲的门的，也不是来发现如何对生活敞开、对生活不设防的。你想要的是什么呢——不是选择答案，而是自然地、自发地回答？
'Of course I see now that it is really impossible to shut all the doors, for there is always an opening. I realize what I have been doing; I see that my own fear of uncertainty has made for dependence and domination. Obviously I could not dominate every situation, however much I might like to, and that is why I limited my contacts to one or two which I could dominate and hold. I see all that. But how am I to be open again, free and without this fear of inward uncertainty?'
“当然我现在已经看到关闭所有的门确实是不可能的，因为总会有个缺口。我明白了我一直在做的事；我看到自己对不安定的恐惧导致了依赖和支配。显而易见我无法支配每一种情况——无论我多么希望这样，而这就是为什么我把我的接触范围局限在一两个我可以支配和把握的人身上。我全都看到了。但我该如何释放并摆脱对内在不安定的恐惧而再次打开呢？”
Do you see the necessity of being open and vulnerable? If you do not see the truth of that then you will again surreptitiously build walls around yourself. To see the truth in the false isthe beginning of wisdom; to see the false as the false is the highest comprehension. To see that what you have been doing all these years can only lead to further strife and sorrow - actually to experience the truth of it, which is not mere verbal acceptance - will put an end to that activity. You cannot voluntarily make yourself open; the action of will cannot make you vulnerable. The very desire to be vulnerable creates resistance. Only by understanding the false as the false is there freedom from it. Be passively watchful of your habitual responses; simply be aware of them without resistance; passively watch them asyou would watch a child, without the pleasure or distaste of identification. Passive watchfulness itself is freedom from defence, from closing the door. To be vulnerable is to live, and to withdraw is to die.
你看到敞开和不设防的必要了吗？如果你没有看到那个真相，那么你将再次悄悄建造起包围你的围墙。看到虚假中的真实就是智慧的开始；看到虚假就是虚假，是最高的领悟。看清你这些年来的所作所为只能导向进一步的挣扎和痛苦——要切实地体验到，而不仅是口头上赞同——将使那种行为画上句号。你不可能自动地打开自己；愿望的行动不可能让你不设防。而就是那个不设防的愿望产生了抗拒。只有通过了解虚假就是虚假才能从中解脱。无为地观照你的习惯性反应；只是觉知它们而不要抗拒；无为地观照，就像照看孩子那样，不带喜欢或厌恶的情绪。无为观照本身就是从防卫、从紧闭心扉中解脱。不设防就是生，退缩就是死。
-----《生命的注释》之 “不设防是生，退缩是死”
----- Commentaries On Living, To Vulnerable Is To Live, To Withdraw Is To Die
注：本文图片拍摄自克里希那穆提冥思坊Sue
本文来自克里希那穆提冥思坊 公众号：Krishnamurti_KMS
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