莎翁Hold不住：史上最搞笑的情诗

华盛顿邮报搞了一个比赛，要求写两行押韵的诗，第一行能多浪漫就多浪漫，第二行能多不浪漫就多不浪漫，以下是一些入选作品……


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
我这辈子就毁在你手里。

I see your face when I am dreaming.
你的容颜依稀入梦境，
That's why I always wake up screaming.
于是我在尖叫中惊醒。

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
善良、聪慧、多情而性感，
This describes everything you are not.
可惜这些你一条都不占。

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
可我与你同眠只是因为喝高。

I thought that I could love no other
曾以为一生只爱你一个，
-- that is until I met your brother.
直到遇见你的二表哥。

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
娇艳的紫罗兰，鲜红的玫瑰，甜蜜的糖，就像你一样美。
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
但紫罗兰会凋谢，玫瑰会枯黄，糖碗空空如也，和你的脑袋一样。

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
我渴望你温柔的拥抱，
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
但别把你脸上的面具摘掉。

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
我爱你的明眸，你的脸庞，你的微笑，
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
妈的，我真是说谎不打草稿！

My love, you take my breath away.
爱人啊，你简直让我窒息，
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
你在哪沾上的一身臭气？

My feelings for you no words can tell,
我对你的深情无法付诸言语，
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
除了一句“滚一边去”！

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
是什么激发了我多情的诗篇？
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
伏特加两杯，酸柠檬一片。