本文是“成功恋爱”系列的续篇。
Today I want to discuss the “relationship characteristics” you should look for when identifying the person you’re going to marry. I want to specifically talk about 15 characteristics that are signifying factors that you’re marrying the right person.
今天我想探讨一下当你找到将要一同步入婚姻殿堂的人时应从中寻找的“恋爱特质”。我要特别谈论15种特质，这些特质预示着你是否会跟对的人结婚。
Look for these 15 characteristics “before” getting married:
在结婚“之前”寻找以下15种特质：
1. You’re Attracted to The Person Physically and Mentally – I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way. Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent supermodel” (like I did ), but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.
1. 此人在肉体和精神上都对你有吸引力。我不会跟一个在某些重要方面对我没吸引力的人结婚的。当今，并不是人人都会跟一个“聪明的超模”结婚（就像我一样），但是找到一个在肉体和精神上都能吸引你的人将会在你的整个婚姻过程中“使你身心愉悦”。
2. Loyal and Trustworthy – A good partner possess incredible loyalty.
2. 忠贞并值得信赖。一个好伴侣具有极大的忠诚度。
I believe if I was involved in a “fist fight” my wife would jump-in, even if I was winning; she’s that loyal (…not that I would advise this ).
我相信，如果我跟别人有拳脚之争，我的妻子会马上站到我这边，即便是我处于上风。她是那么地忠诚（……当然我并不建议这样做）。
In addition, a good partner is also trustworthy. They earn your trust, and they keep your trust.
此外，一个好伴侣还要值得信赖。他赢得你的信任，并使你将这种信任一直保持下去。
3. They’re Different Yet the Same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together.
3. 他跟你既不相同又有很多相同点。异性相吸的说法有道理，然而物以类聚也是如此。
It’s okay that your partner is “spontaneous” while you’re “boring,” and it’s okay that you’re “disciplined,” while your partner remains a “free spirit.” These differences will bring balance to your relationship.
如果你的伴侣做事常“心血来潮”而你却“循规蹈矩很无聊”，这无妨；如果你“严于律已”而你的伴侣却一直是“无拘无束”，这也无妨。这些差异将会使你们之间的关系保持平衡。
However, your core beliefs should remain the same. If you’re a devout Christian while your partner is a leader in the atheist movement, or if you and your partner have diametrically opposing beliefs on how a “family” should function, these foundational differences can destroy a marriage at the root.
然而，你们的核心信仰应该保持一致。如果你是一个虔诚的基督徒，但你的伴侣确是无神论运动的领导者；或者如果你和你的伴侣在如何构筑“家庭”的问题上有完全相反的信念，那么这些基本的差异就能从根本上摧毁一段婚姻。
4. The Lines of Communication Are Open – Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and at the end of the conversation you knew nothing about them. While this may not be a problem if you’re talking to a stranger, this should not be the norm within a relationship.
4. 沟通无界限。你是否曾在与某个人交谈过后仍对他一无所知？如果这种情况发生在你和一个陌生人之间，那可能也不是什么问题，但是如果在谈恋爱时也如此，这就肯定不正常了。
It’s okay to be private with strangers, but if you can’t be intimate with anyone, then there’s probably a reason why? Intimacy means, In-to-me-see, and it’s requisite to the success of any long-term relationship.
在陌生人面前保护自己的隐私是可以的，但如果你跟谁也无法保持亲密，那么大概就有原因了。为什么？“亲密”意味着“走进我的内心去看看”，这对于将任何一段长久的恋爱关系修成正果来说是必不可少的。
Conversations should lead to deeper understandings of the person you’re with.
交谈应当使你更深刻地了解和你在一起的那个人。
5. They’re Honest – This is an obvious one, I think.
5. 他很诚实。我认为这是明显应具有的一个特质。
It’s not enough to just have open communication; the communication must also be honest. If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong.
仅有敞开心扉的交流是不够的，这种交流必须也是坦诚的。如果你发现一个人总是不诚实，这一定是预示“情况非常糟糕”的危险信号了。
You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true.” Unless you ask them, “Do the jeans make me look fat?”
你应该自信地肯定伴侣所说的任何话都是“真的”。除非你问他，“我穿这条牛仔裤会显胖吗？”
6. They Like Spending Time With You – A couple once told me that they “broke up” because they got tired of being together “all the time,” but they recently decided to get back together, and now they’re getting married. I thought, “…that’s an interesting combination of situations…”
6. 他喜欢花时间和你在一起。一对夫妻曾经告诉我，他们因为厌倦了“总是”粘在一起而“分手”了，但是他们最近又决定和好，并且就要结婚了。我认为，“……这混合了很多场景，很有意思……”
…You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with. Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.” Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.
……你需要去找一个喜欢花时间和你在一起的人，同时你也喜欢花时间和他在一起。一起共度黄金时光就是你要与某个人结婚并开始新的生活的原因，如果你不想一直跟你的伴侣在一起，那么你大概应该保持“单身”状态。坚守那个你喜欢花时间与其在一起并也喜欢和你在一起的那个人吧。
7. They Prize You Above Everyone Else – Marry someone who values you above their friends. If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked.
7. 他将你视为至宝。跟一个认为你比他的朋友们更重要的人结婚。如果你的地位还不及他的朋友，那么他的朋友将会比你更有优先权……当他要做决定的时候，你可能会是最后一个被询问的人。
You always want to be where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
你会总是想被赞美，而不是一直在容忍。
8. Their Life is an Open Book, and You Like What You’re Reading – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life.
8. 你对他的生活一目了然，并且你喜欢他的生活。你应该能够认识到你的伴侣的生活模式。
Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice? What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life? Can you live with these patterns and/or habits?
这个人是一直非常自律、懒惰、争强好胜还是平易近人？这个人的生活中有什么值得肯定和应被否定的习惯和模式吗？你能接受这些生活模式和/或习惯吗？
Has this person previously been involved in 20 relationships, if so, what’s the pattern, what’s changed since the last relationship?
如果这个人之前曾谈过20次恋爱，他的生活模式是什么？上一段恋情结束后又发生了什么改变？
Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.
生活是循环进行的，去发现你的伴侣的生活周期；你要务必对那些生活周期兴奋不已。
9. You Have a Lot in Common – You hang out in the same spots, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction. Why is this important? Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race. You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race.
9. 你们有很多共同点。你们经常在同一些地方出没，你们喜欢相同的事物；你们朝着同一个方向前进。为什么这一点很重要呢？因为结婚并不是目标；这只不过是条起跑线。你和你的伴侣要在这场赛跑中一起朝同一个方向前进。
People often get divorced and say, “we grew apart.”
人们经常在离婚时说，“我们之间产生了隔阂。”
It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going.
明智的做法是，在结婚之前去弄清伴侣的人生方向，并且也要知道自己的人生方向。
If you don’t know where you’re going, and they don’t know where they’re going, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch.
如果你不知道你的人生方向在哪儿，他也不知道他的人生方向在哪儿，那么这就是问道于盲的经典案例，你们会一同陷入沟壑。
Somebody said, “but I don’t know what the future holds”…the future holds what you plan for it to hold…what are your planning?
有人说，“但是我不知道未来会怎样”……未来会朝着你计划的样子发展……你计划的是什么呢？
How many children are you planning, what kind of career are you planning, what kind of spiritual life are you planning, what are your life goals? Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.
你计划要几个孩子，你计划从事怎样的职业，你计划拥有怎样的精神生活，你的人生目标是什么？并不是要你此时此刻知道未来的一切，而是你应该知道大部分重要的事情该如何发展。
10. Your Friends Like Them – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person.
10. 你的朋友喜欢他。换言之，你身边的公正之人喜欢这个人。
If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision. Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.
如果没有一个朋友喜欢将会和你结婚的这个人，你可能就想重新考虑你的决定了。你的朋友们往往看到了你不想去看到的事情。
11. Their Motives are Pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.” Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal. They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give. They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.
11. 他的动机单纯。寻找一个因为你这个人才需要你的配偶。一个动机单纯的人，他并不是想从结婚这件事中得到什么。他并不是指望着榨干你血的吸血鬼；他在寻求付出。他并不会让你的生活失去什么，而是要使你的生活增添光彩。
12. They Express How Much They Love You – Love is seen, love is action. If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words.
12. 他会表达对你的爱有多深。爱是能够看得见的，爱就是行动。如果一个人真的爱你，你会通过他的行为感受到，而不仅仅是他的甜言蜜语。
Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you. Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.
确信你伴侣的行动暗示着他对你的爱。他的话语应该跟行动保持一致，反之亦然。
13. They Don’t Believe in Divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce. As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.
13. 他不相信会离婚。简言之，如果离婚是你们处理彼此关系的一个选择，那么你们离婚的可能性就更大。作为夫妻，你们一定要在解决问题的时候做出清醒的决定。
14. They Give to You – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.
14. 他会为你付出。他会给你买东西，不管是多么地微不足道，或是如果他没什么钱……他会为你做饭，给你做脚部按摩，去迎合你。
15. They’re Not Selfish – They desire to see you fulfilled. A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals.
15. 他不自私。他渴望看到你满足的样子。一个好伴侣会关心你的理想、愿望和目标。
They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!
他会乐意努力工作来保证你渴望实现的一切！
In closing, I’ve written this article as a guide on identifying the signifying factors of an ideal partner, use the list as your gauge. However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are. You must be the first partaker of what you desire to receive. I will expound on this in my next article (which will be the last article of this relationship series).
最后，我写这篇文章是想给寻找理想伴侣的人提供指南，把这份清单当做一种依据。但是，不要花费时间精力去寻找这些特质。如果首先你自身不能具备这些特质，那么你只能吸引和你一样的人。你必须首先具有那些你想要得到的特质。我将在下一篇文章（恋爱系列的最后一篇）中阐述这个问题。
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