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幸福婚姻的秘诀(必读)

这可能是你看过的最重要的一篇文章!因此,给我一点儿时间来证明这一点。

You see, a lot of people got married because they thought they got a “great” deal, after a few years they realized they got a “raw” deal, and now they’re looking for a “new” deal. 

你知道,很多人结婚是因为他们认为从中会得到很多,几年之后他们感觉受到了不公平的待遇,并且现在开始寻找一种更好的待遇了。2

After you finish reading this article, you’ll recognize that you don’t need a “new” deal.  You’ll know that you already have what’s necessary for an amazing marriage with your “current” spouse.  This article will give you the secret to bringing out the “best” in them, as well as the “best” in you, that’s why I wrote it.

读完这篇文章后,你就会认识到自己根本不需要什么更好的待遇。你就会知道,跟现在的配偶在一起就已经具备了美好婚姻的必备因素。这篇文章会告诉你营造最幸福婚姻的秘诀,同时也塑造最佳状态的你,这就是我写这篇文章的原因。1

The Secret to a Happy Marriage

幸福婚姻的秘诀

You may be thinking, if I had married John, or Sally, or “so-and-so,” things would be great, because they’re just like me!  But that’s not the answer at all!  Probably the worse thing you can do is to marry somebody just like yourself, you’d probably drive each other crazy.

你或许正在想,如果我跟约翰,或是萨利,或者某某结婚的话就太好了,因为他们正像我一样!但这根本不是问题的答案!或许你能做的更糟糕的事情就是跟一个和自己一样的人结婚,你们或许会把彼此逼疯。

And another side-point, before we get into the lesson…

在我们开讲之前,还有另一个附带观点……

Some husbands think that it’s time to divorce they’re wife because their wife has put on an extra 30 pounds.  I want to discuss such topics in this article. 

一些丈夫认为是时候跟妻子离婚了,因为他们妻子的体重增长了30磅。我要在这篇文章中探讨一下类似话题。

I also would like to know how that husband’s “six-pack” is coming along.  I hope he’s not walking around looking like he’s “seven-months pregnant,” while giving “weight-loss” advice to his wife.  As the quote goes, be the change you want to see.

我也想知道那位丈夫的六腹肌是怎么出来的。我可不希望他在走路时看上去像是怀有七个月身孕的,但是还建议自己的妻子去减肥。就像那句话说的,欲变世界,先变其身。

Okay, enough side-points, lets get right to it.

好了,附带观点已经说够了,让我们进入正题。

The Problem in Marriage

婚姻中的问题

Here’s the problem: When most people get married, they mistakenly think they’ve finished the race.  Little do they know, the “war” has just begun.

问题是:大多数人在结婚的时候误认为自己已经结束了这场赛跑。他们根本不知道,“战争”才刚刚开始。

What use to excite them about their partner, now bothers them, what they didn’t see before, is now driving them insane! 

曾经令他们对自己的伴侣着迷的事物现在正困扰着他们,他们之前所没见到的状况现在正在使他们疯狂。

One person wants to save, one person wants to spend.  One person wants to eat salad; one person wants to eat cookies.  One person wants it hot, one person wants it cold.  One person wants to go out; one person wants to stay in. 

一人想储蓄,而另一个人想花钱。一人想吃沙拉,而另一个人想吃饼干。一人想要热的,而另一个人想要凉的。一人想出去走走,而另一个人想呆在家里。

The differences!

差异!

But, these “differences” are for our growth, not for our detriment; contrary to popular opinion and public debate.  If nothing else, we should be growing increasingly patient because of these “differences,” but that’s just the beginning of this growth process.

然而,这些“差异”是为了我们的发展,而不是为了伤害,这与现在普遍认同的观点和公众的辩论相反。如果没有别的事情发生,我们应该因为这些“差异”而逐渐变得有耐心,但是那仅仅是这一发展过程的开始。

The Recommendation

建议

How do I recommend you deal with these differences? I think you have to first recognize the purpose of marriage, which is growth and development!  This is why opposites attract.  You were designed by your creator to attract a mate who is opposite of you to help ensure your own growth and development. 

我会如何建议你来解决这些差异呢?我认为你必须首先要认识到结婚的目的,那就是成长和发展!这就是异性相吸的原因所在。命中注定你会吸引一个跟你恰恰相反的伴侣来帮助你实现自己的成长和发展。

The “differences” that you and your spouse possess should serve to challenge you and make you better.  This is why marriage takes work.

你和伴侣之间的“差异”应当用来考验你以使你变得更好。这就是婚姻的作用所在。

When you got married, you really entered a “relationship” boot camp!  You thought you entered a relationship “paradise,” but you were misinformed, it was really a relationship boot camp that you signed-up for, and you did so even unaware.  But that’s okay, because life is about growth.  

当你一结婚,你就真真正正进入到了一个“爱情”训练营!你认为你是进入到了爱情的“天堂”,但是你误解了,实际上那是一个你已经注册加入的爱情训练营,你已经进去了甚至还无所察觉。但是没关系,因为生活就是在成长。

The Boot Camp

训练营

There’s good news:  If you learn the rules of the boot camp, the boot camp won’t break you, it will make you superior, it will make you stronger, it will cause you to grow-up into the person that you were created to be.  It will reveal the best in you; this boot camp will provide you the opportunity to have an “amazing marriage,” if you pass its test.

告诉你个好消息:如果你了解了这个训练营的规章制度,那么训练营并不会摧毁你,它会使你更加优秀,它会使你更加强壮,它会使你成长为你梦寐以求要成为的那个人。它会显示你最优秀的一面;如果你通过了考验,这个训练营会给你提供拥有“美好婚姻”的机会。

But people don’t like boot camp!  That’s why you hear a lot of married people say, “If I was single again…” they say, “Somehow, if I could be single (through some stroke of luck), I wouldn’t get married again; I’d just date.”  What I hear from this is, “I don’t want to go to boot camp,” I don’t want to face the “demons” in my closet!  I don’t want someone confronting my selfishness and putting “pressure” on me to grow-up.

但是人们不喜欢训练营!这就是为什么你听到许多已婚人士说,“如果我再恢复单身……”他们说,“不管怎么着,如果(由于某种机缘巧合)我是单身,我再也不会结婚了;我只会去谈恋爱。”我从中听到的是,“我不想去训练营,”我不想面对衣橱里的那个“恶魔”!我不想有个人来对抗我的自私自利,为使我成长而给我施加“压力”。

That’s what marriage is in the beginning, and maybe forever if you never address the issues.  It’s “pressure,” and if you know anything about building a better body, you know that it takes pressure to cause your muscles to develop.  Pressure has the ability to make you stronger, …so quit running away from the pressure.

这就是婚姻刚开始的模样,如果你一直不解决这些问题,可能婚姻永远都是这个样子。这是“压力”,哪怕你对于塑造更健美的身体懂得一点点,你也就知道锻炼你的肌肉也是需要压力的。压力可以使你变得更强壮,……因此不要再回避压力了。

When problems arise, it’s not time to run out the room; it’s time to deal with the pressure.  I said, “It’s time to deal with the pressure,” if you want to be better, if you want your marriage to be its best, you have to deal with the pressure!  Are you going to pass the test?

当出现问题时,那并不是从屋子里逃走的时候,而是要释放压力的时候。我说,“是时候要释放一下压力了,”如果你想变得更好,如果你希望你的婚姻达到最佳状态,你就必须要解除压力!你还想过关吗?

You think you need a divorce, what you really need is a good argument.  You need to uncover (quit hiding) the expectations that you have of each other, and deal with them, name them one-by-one.  I’m convinced that the number one problem in marriage is unmet expectations.  So you need to uncover and meet the respective expectations that you both have….  If you do this, your marriage will grow stronger.

你认为你必须得离婚,其实你真正需要的是一场辩论。你们需要揭开(别再隐藏)对彼此的期望,处理这些问题,一个一个地提出来。我确信婚姻中的头号问题就是期望未满。因此你们需要表达出自己的期待,分别满足对方……如果你做到了这一点,你的婚姻就变得更稳固了。

Those arguments, debates, heated conversations, what have you, will not cause you to grow apart, if you handle them appropriately and respectfully.  They will become instruments or tools that will bring you together, if you embrace them.

如果你们将那些争吵、辩论、激烈的言辞处理妥当并在这一过程中保持对彼此的尊重,那么这些并不会使你们变得有隔阂。如果你欣然接受,它们会让你们靠得更近。

Don’t run from your opportunity to be better, don’t skip the training period!  You want to be married without training; you want to be married without a merging of your two-worlds.  Sometimes you have to rock the boat, if you want to experience “still” waters.  God-dog-it, rock the boat!

不要丢掉使自己变得更好的机会,不要跳过训练期!你想要不经训练就结婚,你想要不经过两个人的磨合就结婚。如果你想体验一下“静止的”水,有时候你必须捣捣乱。捣乱去吧!

The secret to marriage is to “grow-up,” the purpose of marriage, as is the purpose of life, is to grow-up and become what you were designed to become.  Trying to become single after you’re married is just a way of saying “I don’t want to grow-up.”

婚姻的秘诀就是“成长”,婚姻的目的,跟人生的目的一样,就是去成长为你决意要成为的那个人。结婚后仍想变为单身,只能解释为“我不想成长。”

Some of you are trying to get a new marriage, and you can’t handle the boot camp you’re in right now:  Your spouse has just “two” issues they need to resolve.  You all have worked for ten years to resolve so many issues.  You don’t need a new set of issues; deal with “two” issues you have left.  Don’t run from the test! 

你们中的一些人想拥有一段新的婚姻,你们无法搞定目前所处的训练营:你的伴侣只有“两个”问题需要解决。你们已经用十年的时间解决了很多问题。你们不需要新一轮的问题了,只解决你们遗留的“两个”问题就好。不要逃避这场考验!

If you run that means you didn’t pass the test!  I said, “If you run, that means you didn’t pass the test!”  You’re going to have to repeat the grade.

如果你逃避,这就意味着你没有通过考验!我说了,“如果你逃避,这就意味着你没有通过考验!”你必须要留级。

The key is to pass the test, face the test for what it is, recognize that this is your training for life and the necessary requirement for a great marriage.  If you can unravel this riddle, then you can have a beautiful marriage, say “I want to pass the test!”  Don’t keep going around the mountain, make up your mind to climb the mountain once and for all.

通过考验的关键就在于,面对这场考验,认识到这是对你人生的培训,是幸福婚姻的必要条件。如果你能解开这个结,那么你就能拥有美好的婚姻,说“我想通过这场考验!”不要总是在山上徘徊,下定决心最终爬上山顶。

The Side Note

补充说明

Okay….I mentioned the weight issue in my opening paragraph, so let me address that here….If you’re so unhappy with your spouse being overweight, then go workout with them.  If you’re that concerned, help them.  Use that opportunity as your training ground to make your family better. 

好了……在开篇我提到了体重的问题,所以要在此解决一下……如果你因为伴侣超重而很不开心,那么就跟对方一起进行体育锻炼。如果你如此在意,就要帮助对方。利用这个机会来促使家庭变得更幸福。

If you don’t like the way you’re being treated, don’t lash out at the other person, teach them, patiently train them; become better together, don’t run from your training!

如果你不喜欢伴侣对待你的方式,不要猛烈地抨击对方,要教给对方,耐心地去教;一起去进步,而不是从中逃跑!

The truth is, your spouse isn’t that bad, they married you didn’t they; they can’t be that bad.  You’re not a perfect “10” married to a “2,” if they’re a “2,” you’re probably a “2” as well, otherwise you wouldn’t have attracted them.  Some of you all think you’re a “10” married to a “2,” you crazy; you better be happy with what you got.

事实是,你的伴侣并没有那么糟糕。他/她跟你结了婚,不是吗?他/她不会是那么差劲的。你并不是完美的10分,而对方也不是只得2分,如果对方是2分,那么你大概也就得2分,否则你不会吸引到对方。你们中的大多数总以为身价为10分的自己与一个只得2分的人结婚,你疯了;你最好为你所拥有的而庆幸。

Instead of trying to get a new deal, your challenge is to grow together.  If you’re both “5s,” then your challenge in life is to become “10s” together.  You don’t “need” to be single, being single will only suffocate your personal growth.  When you’re single, you don’t have to mature in a lot of areas, you don’t have to be any better, no one is going to question you.  If you feel like eating a carton of ice-cream for dinner, you’re free to do so, but that won’t make you any better, …and you want to be better.

你的挑战就是和对方一起成长,而不是去寻求新的待遇。如果你们俩人都得5分,那么你们的人生挑战就是共同变为满分10分。你没有必要恢复单身,单身的状态只能阻碍你的个人成长。当你单身的时候,你不必在很多方面都表现成熟,你不必做得更好,没有人会质疑你。如果你想吃一盒冰激凌作晚餐,你可以随心所欲这样做,但是这丝毫不会使你变得更好,……你还是想变得更好的。

Don’t run away from your development, some people have been running for 30 years from their development, it’s time to develop, it’s time to grow.  Tell your spouse that we’re sticking this thing out together, tell them “I’m not going anywhere, and guess what, you’re not going anywhere either, we’re going to work this thing out.”  We’re going to grow, we’re going to develop, and we’re going to become all that we are destined to become.

不要躲避发展,有些人已经躲避发展长达30年了,是时候去发展了,是时候去成长了。告诉你的伴侣“我们会一起坚持下去”,告诉对方“我哪里也不去,你猜怎么着,你也哪里都不能去,我们要一起解决问题。”我们要成长,我们要发展,我们要变成我们注定会变为的样子。

The Conclusion

结语

It’s time to become who you are, as it is written, the twain shall be one.  As “one,” you can do so much more; two people on the same page, moving in the right direction, can change the world.  They’ll be that power couple; they’ll be fulfilled, happy, and living on purpose, they’ll be a sign, pointing the way, to what marriage should be.

是时候做你自己了,正如所写的那样,应该合二为一了。作为“一”,你们可以做到更多,两人目标一致朝着正确的方向前进就可以改变世界。他们会成为强大的一对,他们得到满足,感到愉悦,在有目标的生活中,他们会成为一个标志,为婚姻本来的模样指明方向。

Thank you for reading, and please pass this article along.

感谢您的阅读,请将这篇文章传阅。

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