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没有原谅,心灵如何起舞?
 

  想想那个误解你的人----或许那个人就是你自己。一提起这个人的名字就让你浑身起鸡皮疙瘩,甚至反胃。心怀这些怨气不仅仅让你深陷过去的痛苦,也让你无法体会到当下的快乐。Ed and Deb Shapiro教你如何释放痛苦,重获新生。

  我们曾经开设了一个学习原谅的工作室,当时乔治是其中的学员之一。他告诉我们他的兄弟一直在不断地虐待他,甚至从孩提时就骚扰他。他言辞激烈地说他永远不会原谅他。在他说完之后,有几分钟大家都因为震惊而沉默了。过了一会另一个学员轻声地说:“如果你无法原谅,你就无法起舞,你无法歌唱也无法微笑。”

Those few words exactly describe the emotional blocking that takes place when there is no forgiveness. Your ability to dance—to move emotionally, to give, to love, to feel alive and free—gets stuck. All the pain, grief and hurt get held in this immovable place. You cannot move forward when a part of you is locked in the past.

  这些言辞非常贴切地描述了原谅缺席时的情感阻滞。你翩然起舞的能力----你情绪上的举动,去给予,去爱,去感受生命和自由的能力-----都会受到阻滞。所有的痛苦、悲伤和伤害都会阻滞在一潭死水之中。当你内心的一部分被死锁在过去时,你将无法前进。

The evidence of a lack of forgiveness is all around you: broken families, self-hate, guilt and shame leading to depression, huge amounts of anger, bitterness and closed-heartedness. You learn to live by ignoring this dark place without realizing how deeply limiting it is, how it holds back your joy and laughter. You point the finger and see the other person as the cause of the suffering, but you don't see how—by holding onto hurt feelings—you're simply creating more grief for yourself.

  原谅缺席的例子比比皆是:破裂的家庭,自我的憎恨,因内疚和羞愧带来的沮丧,满腔的愤怒,痛苦以及封闭的内心。你学会无视这些黑暗的内心角落,意识不到它怎样束缚着你,意识不到它如何妨碍着你的快乐和笑容。你把他人当做你痛苦的源泉,但你不知道痛苦从何而来-----你抓住痛苦死死不放----你只是在为你自己创造更多的痛苦。

Deb used to work with the elderly. As she recalls: "I worked in a nursing home where I saw numerous residents clinging to incidents from the past: words said in anger, distorted memories of how they had been wronged by children who had disagreed with them and left in anger. So much bitterness. They could not let go—even now, so near to dying. Over the years, the hurt and anger had become solid, fixed and immovable, as if they were surrounded by prison bars."

  黛比曾经为老人工作。据她回忆:“我在养老院里工作。在那里,我看到许多人都无法从回忆里摆脱出来:愤怒时脱口而出的言语,因误解发生争执儿女愤而离家的痛苦回忆。太多太多的痛苦他们无法释怀------即使到如今,死亡将至之时依然如此。伤害和痛苦随着岁月变得愈加坚固,他们似乎生活在四面铁窗的牢狱之中。”

How many times have you rerun the tape, gone over the details of who said what to whom, of how it all happened, of the injustice and blame or the guilt and shame? How many times have you done this—and did it ever help you feel healed, more joyful or happier? How often do you have to repeat this before you see that all of it is going nowhere other than prolonging your unhappiness?

  有多少次你重新倒带,回忆那些关于谁对谁说了些什么的细节,回忆那些事是如何发生的,回忆那些不公、责备、愧疚和羞愧。你曾多少次做过这样的事-----它能帮助你伤口愈合,让你更加快乐吗?有多少次你不断回忆再回忆直到你意识到它毫无益处只会延长你痛苦的时间?

We are not trying to be simplistic. From a rational point of view, it can seem impossible to forgive: You are hurt and want revenge and it is the other person's fault—so why should you forgive? But if you want to reach closure, then you have to confront this desire to hold onto the story, because it simply causes further suffering. You are the one feeling the pain, and the longer you hold on, the more suffering you cause yourself.

  我们并不是把问题简单化了。从理性的角度来看,我们似乎无法原谅:你受到了伤害,你想报复,这都是别人的错----所以为什么要原谅呢?你是感受到痛苦的那个人,你越是放不了手,你越是痛苦。

To forgive includes fully acknowledging your feelings: how angry, upset, betrayed, bitter or indignant you are; how unfair life is; how let down and sad you feel...and that it's absolutely okay to be this way. You know and feel the pain, but the desire to no longer continue the suffering is stronger; you care enough about yourself to not want to carry the anger or sadness any longer.

  原谅意味着完全接受你的感觉:接受你的愤怒、不安、被背叛以及痛苦。接受生活的不公,接受你的沮丧和悲伤……接受你现在的状态。你知道并能感受到你的痛苦,但是你更想要结束这些痛苦,你关爱自己因此你不愿意继续承担这些愤怒和悲伤。

If you don't forgive, it's like carrying heavy baggage that weighs you down so you can't go forward, but you can't go without it, because it contains your history, your identity. Or it is like holding onto hot coals, but you're the one getting burned. Letting go of the past—of the story and the details—enables you to open to the present, to who you are now. You don't need to live in the drama, to keep the story alive, to maintain suffering. You can come back to sanity and goodness and bring that sanity into your life.

  如果不去原谅,就好像身上背负了重重的包裹让你裹足不前。但是你却不能卸下这个包袱,因为它包含着你的历史,你的身份。或许这就像手持热炭,你却引火烧身。放手过去-----放手那些故事和细节-------让自己能够接纳眼前,接纳眼前的自己。你不需要生活在那些故事中,不需要让那些故事保鲜,不需要维系痛苦。你可以回复健康和美好,并把这种健康带到你的生活中。

As Gangaji says in our book,Be The Change: "We have all experienced being hurt by someone, such as our parents, lover, or friend. But it is not about denying the hurt; it's actually about opening and meeting the hurt, and then the hurt itself becomes a deepening of our heart. In that moment, it is natural for forgiveness to occur."

  正如Gangaji在他的那本“Be The Change"的书中所说:“我们都有过被某些人伤害的经历:比如我们的父母、情人、或者朋友。这并不意味着要否认这些伤害。相反我们应该打开心胸迎接这些伤害,伤害本身会让我们的心灵成长。在那一刻,原谅会自然而然地到来。”

Sitting in meditation, you can come to forgiveness and bring yourself compassion, making friends with who you are, knowing you can't change the past, but you can change your attitude toward it. As you do this, a remarkable thing begins to happen: the boundaries that normally keep you isolated from intimacy, boundaries that have been maintained over the years to protect you from being hurt, begin to come down, like old walls crumbling and falling.

  坐下来冥想,你就能开始原谅,开始给予自己同情,跟你自己交朋友。你知道你不可能改变过去,但是你可以改变对它的态度。当你开始这样做的时候,了不起的事情就会开始发生:之前你为自己设下的界限,这些年来你因为惧怕伤害而给自己筑起的围墙开始瓦解,就像旧城墙开始动摇并崩塌。

In this way, forgiveness is truly revolutionary. It releases the pain of the past so you are free to live in the present. It changes fear and hate into love and acceptance, just as an oyster uses the irritation from a grain of sand to produce the beauty of a pearl. It enables you to live with kindness and care.

  通过这种方式,原谅会让你生活发生彻底地改变。原谅释放了你过去经受的痛苦,你从中挣脱得以生活在当下。在原谅面前恐惧和愤怒变成了爱和接纳,就如同贝壳因沙粒的刺激将沙粒包裹而产生出美丽的珍珠。原谅让你带着善与爱生活。

Forgiveness Meditation

原谅的冥想

You can develop forgiveness for yourself or another. You may want to meditate on just one of these areas when you do this practice. Find a comfortable place to sit and settle your attention on your breathing.

你可以培养对自己或者他人的原谅。在冥想的过程中你可以只关注其中的一个方面。找一个舒适的地点坐下,关注你的呼吸。

    Focus on memories, feelings or issues you have not forgiven yourself for. Simply observe—without attachment. Hold yourself with care and tenderness, inviting forgiveness. Silently keep repeating: "I forgive myself, for my words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive myself. May I be peaceful and filled with loving kindness." Keep breathing, letting the breath open and soften your heart.

  将意念集中在你无法原谅的记忆、感觉或者事情上面。仅仅只是觉察,不要建立联系。用关怀和温柔关照自己,邀请原谅到来。心中不断默念:“我原谅我自己,原谅我的言语和行为,无论是有意的还是无意的。我原谅我自己。让我内心充满爱意的善良。”保持呼吸,让呼吸打开并且柔软你的心灵。

    Now focus on one person you wish to forgive. Breathe out any resistance or anger, and breathe in forgiveness and gentleness. Silently keep repeating: "I forgive you, for your words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive you. May you be peaceful and filled with loving kindness." Be gentle with yourself. Do not get sidetracked by the details of what happened. Let go of the story and breathe in forgiveness.

Feel the joy of forgiveness throughout your whole being. When you are ready, take a deep breath and slowly let it go.

现在将意念集中在你想原谅的某个人身上。将任何阻滞或者愤怒呼出,将原谅和温柔呼入。心中默念:“我原谅你,原谅你的言语和行为,不论是有意的还是无意的。我原谅你。让你内心平和,充满爱意的善良。”充满温柔地对待自己。不要被事情的细节转移了注意力。放手整件事,呼入原谅。


最后体验原来给你的整个身体内带来的快乐。当你准备好之后,深呼吸,慢慢让往事离开。

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