为什么分手如此痛苦？

视频：《为什么分手如此痛苦》

Question:Why Is Breaking Up So Painful?

问：为什么分手如此痛苦？

 

Sadhguru: You need to understand this –what you call as myself right now -is a huge volume of memory.Your body is a way it is simply because of the genetic memory that it carries.You have your mother’s nose,your father’s complexion,and something else,your grandfather’s something else,simply because what you call as your body,is a complex amalgamation of memory.A very ancient memory lives in your body.What you call as my mind is one hundred percent memory right now.So you are a huge heap of memory in many ways and memory goes into you in different ways.

萨古鲁：你需要明白，此刻，你所说的“我自己”就是一个巨大的记忆体。你的身体呈现为这个样子，仅仅是因为它所携带的基因记忆。你拥有母亲的鼻子，父亲的肤色，或者其他什么，以及你祖父的其他一些特质，仅仅因为，你所说的“我的身体”就是一个复杂的记忆融合体，非常古老的记忆活在你的身体之中。你所说的“我的头脑”，则100%是记忆。所以在很多层面上，你就是一个巨大的记忆体，记忆以不同的方式进入你。

  

Through all the five senses,you gather memory -what you see,what you hear,what you smell,what you taste,what you touch.Of all these five different ways of gathering memory,what you see and what you touch are the deepest forms of memory.Especially, what you touch creates a certain level of memory in the system.

通过所有的五个感官，你收集记忆——所看、所听、所嗅、所尝、所触。所有五种收集记忆的方式中，你看到的和你触摸到的是最刻骨铭心的记忆形式，尤其是你所触摸到的会在系统中建立某种层次的记忆。

 

So when you say a spouse,you have touched and there is a certain level of memory.Now,your divorce means，in some way you’re trying to rip that memory off and that’s not going to be easy for various reasons.But at the same time,the very fact that you’re going through your divorce means，you want to be finished with that memory in some way.Maybe not erase that memory but someone who was a spouse,someone who was a in many ways a part of your life,slowly, for whatever reason,you have begun to experience them as a baggage that you’re unwilling to carry.So,you want to keep the baggage aside.But you find the baggage is not something that you voluntarily carry,it is something that compulsively sticks to you.So when whatever sticks to you compulsively,if you try to rip it off,there will be pain.See if you can get rid of your mother from your system.You will see it’s impossible.

所以当你谈及伴侣……你们有了触碰，就会留下某种记忆。那么，离异意味着从某种方面讲，你试图抹除那个记忆，这可不会太容易，原因有很多。然而同时，你在经历着离异的事实就表明，在某种层面上，你想与那个记忆有个了结，也许无法完全抹掉那个记忆，但曾作为伴侣的那个人，他/她曾经在许多方面是你生命的一部分。慢慢地，不管什么原因，他们已经开始让你感觉像是你不愿携带的行李，所以你想放下行李。但你发现这个行李不是你自愿背负的东西，而是某种强行粘连于你的东西。那么，当任何东西强行粘连于你时，如果你试图撕掉它，你就会感到痛。试试看你能否从你的系统中清除掉你的母亲，你会看到，那绝无可能。

  

So similarly,memory has built up about your spouse,you can’t just get rid of it just like that.If you do it –even mentally, psychologically,if you’re equipped to do it –you will still see the whole system will go through a certain level of suffering, invariably.Even if emotionally,psychologically, you are in a balanced state that you can deal with it,the system will go through a certain process.You will see that especially when you are taken away from your spouse either through divorce or death,you will see the memory within your system plays up much more strongly when they are not here.Particularly, when death happens,you will see the memory of your spouse works in every cell in your body,if you have lived long enough together.It is not just an emotional and psychological process,it is a very physical process.

同样地，关于你伴侣的记忆已经建立起来，你无法就那么轻易摆脱它。如果你这么做了——即使在精神上，心理上，你可以做到——你仍会看到，你的整个系统难免还是会经历一定程度的痛苦。即使在情感上、心理上，你很平静，你可以面对，但是你的系统还是要经历一定的过程。你会看到，特别是当你从伴侣的身边被带走时，无论是因为离异还是死亡，你会看到，当伴侣不在时，你系统内的记忆会更加汹涌地袭来。尤其是当死亡发生时，你会看到关于你伴侣的记忆，在你体内的每一个细胞里运作着，如果你们共同生活了足够长时间。这不仅仅是情感和心理过程，它是个非常生理性的过程。

 

So divorce is a voluntary death.You have decided to kill something that is a part of you, in some way.It is because of this reason,that having this understanding of the existence and the way the system functions,that they always told you,”Till death do you apart,you will not part.”because there is a physical memory about this and the body doesn’t have the balance of the mind.The mind can decide and turn around,but the body cannot turn around.The more memory you build into it,the more confused it becomes.So, one type of memory,body handles it much better.

所以离异是一种自愿的死亡。从某种程度上，你决定杀死你自己的一部分。正因为如此，出于对这个存在以及系统运作方式的理解，人们总是说:“直至死亡将你们分开。”因为身体带有生理记忆，而身体并没有头脑那种平衡能力。头脑可以做决定，可以转过身，但身体无法做到。你在身体中建立的记忆越多，它就越发困惑。所以，如果是一种类型的记忆，身体就能更好地驾驭。

 

Now that you’ve chosen to divorce –for whatever reasons,which I don’t want to delve into –if it could be avoided, that would be best.But for some reason,you have come to that situation where this is this has to happen -you need to understand this,that divorce essentially means you have chosen to kill something, which is a part of you,because what you call as myself is just a certain volume of memory.

现在你选择了离异——不管出于什么原因，我不想深入探究——如果可以避免，那最好。但出于某种原因事已如此，到了它必须发生的地步。你需要明白：离婚根本上意味着你选择杀死你的一部分，因为你所说的“我自己”只是一定量的记忆。

 

Now, to how to conduct this gracefully?Most people think the best way to conduct a divorce is immediately jump into another relationship and another relationship of the same kind.No,you will cause much more struggle and turmoil within the system by doing that.It’s extremely important the body has enough time to work out the memory,the body has enough time to keep the memory at a certain distance.Otherwise,you will render yourself to a space,where to make yourself peaceful and joyful will become an extremely hard thing to do in your life.So conducting this process gracefully and well is important as it is important to conduct every aspect of your life gracefully and well.

那么如何优雅地做这件事？大多数人认为处理离婚的最佳方式是立即跳入又一段关系，又一段同类的关系。不，你这么做会给系统内部带来更多挣扎和动荡。这一点极其重要：让身体有足够的时间去消耗记忆，让身体有足够的时间，将记忆保持在一定距离之外。否则，你将落入这样的境地，就是要让自己平和、喜悦将成为非常困难的事。因此，优雅地完成这个过程是很重要的，正如，优雅地开展生命的每个方面都很重要。

 

Now,two people,who have shared their emotion,their body,their sensations and their living spaces,ripping it apart is because two memories have merged in many ways,ripping it apart is almost like tearing yourself apart.Even though you might have begun to almost come to a place,where you can’t stand the person anymore,still it hurts,simply because you’re trying to rip out a memory,which is you,because you are a bundle of memory.

现在，两个人共同分享了情感、身体、感官和生活空间，要撕毁它——因为两个人的记忆以多种方式交融了——撕毁它就无异于撕裂你自己。即使你可能已经达到几乎无法再忍受这个人的地步，你还是会感到痛，仅仅因为你在试图撕毁记忆，而这个记忆就是你，因为你就是一堆记忆。

 

If one does the necessary spiritual sadhana,if one does sufficient inner work to establish these energies,which is yourself.You’re only divorcing your spouse,you need not divorce yourself.But you need to understand this,you have already divorced yourself.You’re quite divorced from your own self.Your existence has been nurtured by making a bond,a partnership or a bondage depending upon how you’ve conducted this to make yourself feel whole in some way.Most partnerships of this nature are made because by yourself you would feel insufficient,incomplete.But that’s not how life is.This (Referring to oneself) is a complete life process by itself.It does not need any assistance from outside.

如果一个人做了必要的Sadhana（灵性练习），如果一个人做了足够的内在工作去构建这些能量，也就是去构建“你自己”，那么，你只是与伴侣离异，而无需与自己离异，但你需要明白你已经与自己离异了。你与你自己已经相当脱离了。你是通过建立连结、寻找伙伴（或者束缚——取决于你如何处理）来滋养你的存在，让自己感觉完整。你们建立这样的伙伴关系，大多是因为独自一人会让你感到匮乏、不圆满。但生命本身并非如此，这个（自己）就是一个完整的生命过程，不需要任何外界的帮助。

 

So now that you’ve come to such a situation,it is time to turn inward and see.It is time that you find the completeness of what this life (Referring to oneself) is. It is time you discover that this being (Referring to oneself) is a complete being.It does not need any external assistance to be the way it is.To conduct our life in a society,we may need，we are interdependent.But the fundamental existence of this (Referring to oneself),the balance of what this is,the space of what this is,the possibility of what this is,is a complete process by itself.Our interdependence is only according to our external requirements but our inner existence is complete by itself.You’re divorcing your spouse, which is bad enough –do not divorce yourself from yourself.

那么现在事已至此，是时候转向内去看，是时候去发现这个生命的完整性了，是时候去发现这个存在是一个完整的存在了。作为这个生命本身，不需要任何外部协助。为了在社会中生活，我们可能需要相互依存。但是这个生命的根本存在，它的平衡，它的空间，它的可能性，本身就是一个完整的过程。我们的相互依赖仅依外部需要而定，但我们的内在存在本身就是完整的。你和你的伴侣分离了，这已经够糟了，别将自己与自己分离。

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁