Loving the Irksome
Loving the Irksome, Part 1
“How to love people who irritate you? Don’tpretend to love them, just understand that they are irritating you. Why arethey irritating you? Simply because, they are not the way you expect them tobe. They are not the way you want them to be. And in the same breath you alsoclaim that you believe in God.”
—Sadhguru
It is quite common that we come acrosspeople in our daily lives who manage to rub us the wrong way. Interacting withpeople who irritate us can be quite tiresome, not to mention stressful. At thesame time, there is no way to avoid them completely.
In the first part of our series onLoving the Irksome, we take a look at what Sadhguru has to say about people whoirritate us and how to deal with them.
Sadhguru:
How to love people who irritate you? Don’tpretend to love them, just understand that they are irritating you. Why arethey irritating you? Simply because, they are not the way you expect them tobe. They are not the way you want them to be. And in the same breath you alsoclaim that you believe in God. If you believe in God, then the person whoirritates you also happens to be a creation of God, and he seems to be such amasterpiece that he can just irritate the hell out of you, isn’t it? So, don’tdeceive yourself. Just see irritation is happening because you have alreadydecided what is right and what is wrong. You have decided, “This is the rightway to be.” If they’re some other way, they will irritate you first, then youwill get angry, then you will hate them, then you will want to kill them. Thisis a natural progression simply because you are expecting everybody in theworld to be like you. If everybody in the world were like you, could you behere? In your own home, if there was one more person like you, could you livein that house? Would it be possible? It’s very good that everybody in the worldis the way they are
Any human being that you take here of thiswhole mass of people, they’re absolutely unique, isn’t it? Yes? They’reabsolutely unique. The person who is sitting next to you right now, if you lookat them, you will see there is no other human being like this person anywherein this planet. There never was one, there never will be one. This is anabsolutely unique human being. If you recognize that there is only one likethis, it is such precious material, how can it irritate you? Just turn aroundand see, people sitting next to you are absolutely unique human beings. Thereisn’t another one like that, and it is such a miracle for you that today youare sitting next to this human being who is absolutely unique. Never before,never again on this planet. Where is the question of irritation? You’re blind,that is why you are irritated. You’re simply blind to life. You have not openedyour eyes and looked at life, that is why you can be irritated. Otherwise howcan anybody irritate you?
In the next part of this series, we willfocus further on the importance of nurturing understanding in the variousrelationships we form with the people around us.
Loving the Irksome, Part II
Loving the Irksome, Part II
“In everyone, there are some positivethings and some negative things. If you embrace all this in your understanding,you can make the relationship the way you want it.”
—Sadhguru
Last week, we saw what Sadhguru had to tellus about falling in love with the very people who irritate us. This week, heexplains to us about how this can be achieved by nurturing proper understandingin all our relationships, professional or personal.
Sadhguru:
When you live in this world, there arevarious types of complex relationships happening. You need to understand thelimitations and the capabilities of people and do what you can. Only then willyou have the power to move the situation the way you want it to go. If you’rewaiting for people to understand you and act, it is only a pipe dream; it’snever going to happen.
The closer the relationship is, the moreeffort you should make to understand them. Once, there was a man who had beenslipping in and out of a coma for several months, with his wife staying at hisbedside night and day. When he came to, in those few moments of consciousness,he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat beside him, he said, “I’ve beenthinking… you have been with me through all the bad times in my life. When Igot fired, you were there to support me. When my business went down the tubes,you were there working overtime and doing night shifts. When I got shot youwere by my side. When we lost the house in that legal clash, you were rightbeside me. Now my health is failing, and you’re still by my side. Now when Iconsider all this, I think you only bring me bad luck!”
See, it’s not that the other person istotally bereft of understanding. With your understanding you can createsituations where the other person would be able to understand you better. Ifyou’re expecting the other to understand and comply with you all the time whenyou don’t understand the limitations, the possibilities, the needs andcapabilities of that person, then conflict is all that will happen; it is boundto happen. This is because your line of understanding and theirs is different.If you cross this L.O.C., this Line of Control, they will get mad. If theycross it, you will get mad.
If you move your understanding beyondtheirs, their understanding also becomes a part of your understanding. You willbe able to embrace their limitations and capabilities. In everyone, there aresome positive things and some negative things. If you embrace all this in yourunderstanding, you can make the relationship the way you want it. If you leaveit to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are verymagnanimous, things will happen well for you; if not, the relationship willbreak up.
All I am asking is: do you want to be theone who decides what happens to your life? Whether they are closerelationships, professional, political, global or whatever, don’t you want tobe the person who decides what happens in your life? If you do, you betterinclude everything and everybody into your understanding. You should enhanceyour understanding to such a point that you can look beyond people’s madnessalso. There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they liketo go crazy for a few minutes. If you don’t understand that, you will losethem. If you don’t understand their madness, you will definitely lose them. Ifyou do, then you know how to handle them.
Life is not always a straight line. Youhave to do many things to keep it going. If you forsake your understanding,your capability will be lost. Whether it’s a question of personal relationshipsor professional management, in both places you need understanding; otherwise,you won’t have fruitful relationships.
Excerpted from the book Mystic’s Musings.
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