Incisive pieces of thoughts (3)
1.
Every day some electronic books are sent into WeChat groups, which I often immediately download into my computer, in case I couldn’t find them next time.
So in disks E,F,G of my computer, electronic books are heaped up day by day. But I still feel my computer is so empty on such materials.
I can’t bear boring material sleep on the desk of my computer or in any disk, so I ruthlessly delete them. At this moment, I feel my computer is jammed with so small a memory space.
2.
But then I pull down the curtain and get isolated from the outside world. Sometimes, we need to separate ourselves from the outside world. But there it still is, aware of nothing about its existence and isolation. Solitude doesn’t change this world, only not to be changed by this world.
3.
When in crowd, a surge of loneliness touches my heart immediately, often;
When in solitude, I feel my social contact really begins, as I start my reflections on the people I conversed with, some of whom are my friends, and ever rejected me once or twice.
I told a closest friend that I have social phobia, which seemingly shocked him more or less.
I am a confident and sunny man in his eye, never did he believe that social phobia has something to do with me. But It’s true.
Growing in a circumstance of being denied every hour, it is hard for one not to be infected with social phobia.
My resistance to it was strange: becoming much of a nuisance.
I was simple-minded and the trouble that I made was making progress.
4.
Over a cup of tea, or something like that, I didn’t pay attention to such thing, we conversed.
It was really a flow of consciousness, topic ranging from universalism to Confucianism to wave-particle dualism.
I know all of us only have a half understanding of these themes.
The best and worst thing is that we dared to discuss these topics, despite having only a limited understanding or knowing nothing about them.
That’s the reason why I gradually become more and more silent.
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