今天看了很多关于鹿道森的新闻，微博里的“拯救身边鹿道森”的话题让我看了泪目。围绕在他身上的一个词：缺爱。他没有得到父母的爱，得到的却是棍棒相加；没有得到同龄人的爱，得到的却是嘲笑霸凌；更没有得到社会的爱，得到的却是偏见和讽刺。也许后来的一切，都源自他从小缺失的那份父母之爱吧。童年的创伤需要一辈子来治愈创伤。我记得读《乔布斯传记》时提到从小被抛弃的阴影让乔布斯始终在寻找自我。所以他去了印度，想从大师那里寻找到自我。所以他后来成功了，却又很自卑。悲惨的童年需要用尽万分努力才能疗愈。可能有的人中途放弃了，让这童年的悲哀随他而去。父母是我们来到世界的领路人，可有些被带来的孩子却没有得到该有的关爱。收起那些所谓的父母权威，收起那些所谓的“为你好”的说辞，真正把每个孩子当成一个值得尊重，有思想和灵魂的个体。如果无法得到他人的爱，那就全心爱自己吧。今天分享一篇来自Psychology Today网站上的文章 How to love yourself。
How to Love YourselfDiscover science-based ways to love yourself moreHave you ever struggled to love yourself? If so, you’re not alone. When we love ourselves, we have an appreciation for our own worth or value. We don’t need affirmation from others and we don’t need them to tell us that we are good enough, smart enough, attractive enough—we simply know. As a result, we tend to have higher levels of self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence.When we don’t love ourselves we have more negative feelings and self-focused emotions. For example, we may feel:InadequacyShameAngryDriven (to prove ourselves to others)LonelyGuiltyWe might also compulsively use things that make us feel better in the short term but hurt us in the longer term. For example, we might use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping, or work aholism to reduce our negative emotions.Why Loving Yourself Is ImportantIf you don’t love yourself, you might be more critical of yourself. You might engage in behaviors like negative self-talk—for example, “I’m worthless,” “I couldnever succeed at this,” or “I’m not smart enough.” These thought patterns cangenerate feelings of anxiety, sadness, or hopelessness.On the flip side, studies have shown that having positive feelings about yourself maybe a crucial ingredient for happiness, success, and popularity. So self-love may be key to living a good life.Luckily, self-love is something we can improve over time.How to Love YourselfAlthough increasing our self-esteem and learning to love ourselves is not the easiest thing to do, we do have the power to increase the number of positive feelings we have about ourselves. There are many science-backed strategies that you canuse to start loving yourself more. But keep in mind that these may be hard atfirst. You may not feel comfortable treating yourself with the level of kindness and respect you deserve. So take your time and ease into self-love strategies slowly if you need to. Here are some ways to get started:1.Be Self-CompassionateSelf-compassion involves being compassionate (showing sympathy and concern) towards yourself. According to self-compassion expert, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion includesself-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.2.Practice Loving Kindness Towards Yourself and OthersLoving-kindness meditation is a type of meditation that is used to help cultivate unconditional kind attitudes toward ourselves and others. It involves repeating phrases, such as “may you be happy” or “may you be free from suffering” toward specific others and yourself. To start loving yourself more, focus especially on the part of the meditation that has you imagine love coming towards you.3.Forgive YourselfA study showed that adults who completed six weeks of forgiveness training reported lower stress, anger, and hurt than people who didn’t undergo the training. They also felt more optimism immediately after the training and four months later.4. Practice Self-GratitudeOne type of gratitude involves feeling grateful for who we are and the things we’ve done. For example, we might tell ourselves "thanks" for taking care of our health. Or, we might give ourselves a pat on the back for making someone else smile. Or, we might be grateful for our cute cheeks, our calm demeanor,our ability to cook the best cookies. So, try taking a moment each day to notice the things about yourself that you’re grateful for.5.Show Yourself That You Love YourselfTaking actions to show ourselves that we love ourselves is super important. It’s just like if we were in a relationship. Our partner might say they love us, but if they don’t show us, then we might not believe them. So show yourself that “you love you.” You might do this by taking the afternoon off from work, buying yourself something that helps you achieve your goals, or standing up for yourself against a workplace bully. Any kind action you take that shows self-love canhelp you start to see that you love yourself.In Sum Many of us struggle to just love ourselves for who really are. Luckily, we can do things to build up this love and create a life where we’re truly happy. Hopefully, these ideas will help you get started.
