找个人聊聊, 好吗？

生活的本质是变化，而人类的本性是抗拒变化。

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大家好，我是Evelyne，爱码字的90后语言老师。

 

最近刚看完一本书，从2月中旬一直看到4月初。每天早餐时间，拿出kindle，看上一两个章节，虽耗时长，但看这本书的每分每秒都很享受，真的沉浸其中，非常喜欢这本书！

 

这本书荣登《纽约时报》《时代》《人物》《综艺》等媒体年度必读书榜单；

美国亚马逊当年度销售TOP10图书；

哈佛商学院年度推荐图书；

有声书版本荣获当年Audible非虚构类有声书第一名；

出版两年来，已经在全球授权了四十多个语言版本，总销量超过七十万册...

 

它就是Lori Gottlieb 的《Maybe you should talk to someone 》（洛莉·戈特利布《也许你该找个人聊聊》！）

 

这本书是作者，作为一名心理治疗师的回忆录，讲述了在诊室里不同来访者的故事。书中四位来访者：

有一位20多岁的年轻女子，原生家庭创伤、酗酒，爱情受挫；

有一位30多岁的大学女教师，新婚不久，却被诊断癌症；

有一位40多岁的好莱坞制片人，事业成功，却认为身边的人都是蠢货，丧子；

有一位即将迈入70岁的老太太，离过三次婚，想着70岁生日当天自杀；

最后一位是四十多岁的单身妈妈，也是治疗师自己，遭遇失恋，寻求另外一位治疗师的帮助。

看这本书，很容易看到自己的影子，就如书中所说，这“既是巧合，也不是巧合。” 阅读中，刚看前一两章就马上被故事情节牢牢吸引，很上瘾，真是binge-reading！起初，对于不同来访者，我有点混淆，但读着读着，因为人物个性特征鲜明，故事独特，就能区分了。这本书我爱不释手，五星好评，一定会再读。不仅书本身叙述内容丰富，让我们产生共鸣。语言上来说，除了极个别的专业性医学词汇，也没很多晦涩的词汇，容易理解。用做英语原版阅读，也不错。

每个人的一生，会遇到各种各样的问题，会有各种各样的伤痛，职场失意，失去挚爱，老年丧子…面对问题，面对痛苦，可能会因难以接受，而选择逃避，选择隐藏伤痛。但我从这本书学到，对于生活中的苦难，伤痛，唯有诚实面对才是出路。你心中的痛和悲伤，你的朋友、家人，甚至是专业的治疗师都无法帮你解决，最终全靠自己。别人给到的是建议，是慰藉，是方法，但最终都是自己面对和处理。就像书中说到：

The eminent Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jungsaid this: “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facingtheir own souls.” But he also said this: “Who looks inside, awakes.”

瑞士著名心理学家卡尔·荣格说过：“人们会想尽办法，各种荒谬的办法，来避免面对自己的灵魂。”但他还说过：“只有直面灵魂的人，才会觉醒。”

No one will come to save you. This is what Wendell told me before. He didn't save me, but he helped me save myself.

没有人会来救你。这是温德尔之前对我说的话。他并没有救我，但他帮助我拯救了自己。

看完本书后，在网上搜索了关于作者和书籍的信息，看了作者的一些专访和一个Ted演讲视频。这个TED视频给我启发很大。往往别人跟我们讲述一件事时，我们听到的是这件事的一面，却很少会去思考事情的另一面，也很难听到事件中其它人物对此事的叙述。你知道吗？处于极度抑郁的人，描述他们自己的事时都会陷入一个很狭窄的范围，认知也十分有限。确实如此，当我们情绪低落时，就容易陷入死胡同，感觉一切都崩塌了。像视频中提到：当我们还活着的时候，我们可以书写自己的人生故事，我们可以是故事中的英雄而不是受害者；我们可以选择页面上的内容，让它活在脑海中并塑造我们的现实。

 

-Life is about choosing which stories to listen to, and which ones need an edit.

-There’s nothing more important to the quality of our lives than the stories we tell ourselves about them.

-Stories are the way we make sense of our lives.

-The way we narrate our lives shapes what they become.

-Change, even really positive change, involves a surprising amount of loss.

-What would happen if you looked at your story and wrote it from anotherperson’s point of view?

下面是书中语录，这本书的中文版，大家可以在“微信读书”上阅读，也给大家分享下这本书的相关资源，请尽快保存哦。

1.Therapists don’t perform personality transplants; they just help to take the sharp edges off. 

2.Fallingin love never gets old. No matter how jaded you are, how much suffering love has caused you, a new love can’t help but make you feel hopeful and alive, like that very first time.

3. I’ve told her about the many relationships I’ve seen implode simply because one person was terrified of being abandoned and so did everything in his or herpower to push the other person away.

4.FAILUREIS PART OF BEING HUMAN.

5.Irvin Yalom, the psychiatrist, wrote that it was “far better that [a patient make progress but] forget what we talked about than the opposite possibility (a more popular choice for patients)—to remember precisely what was talked about but to remain unchanged.”

6.Maybe we all need to doubt, rail against, and question before we can really let go.

7.I wrote about how no matter our external circumstances, we have choices about how to live our lives and that, regardless of what has happened, what we’ve lost,or how old we are, as Rita put it, it ain’t over till it’s over.

8.Therapy is about understanding the self that you are. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.

9.Relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to liveson somewhere inside you. Your past lovers, your parents, your friends, people both alive and dead (symbolically or literally)—all of them evoke memories, conscious or not.

10.You can have compassion without forgiving.

 

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本文作者：Eveline静