| 第八章你会发现男人和女人如何给与他们自己需要的爱,而不是异性需要的爱。男人基本上需要信任、接受、感激的爱,女人基本上需要体贴、了解、尊重的爱。你会发现六种你常不知不觉间用来躲避配偶的方法。 In chapter 8, you'll discover how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and respectful. You will discover the six most common ways you may unknowingly be turning off your partner. 第九章将探讨如何避免痛苦的争论。男人会学到若他们老以为自己的做法是对的,会使女人的感觉变得毫无价值;女人会学到她们如何不知不觉地传送失望的讯息来代替她的不同意思,因而引发男人的防卫。我们将解析争论并提供建立支持沟通的许多实用建议。 In chapter 9, we will explore how to avoid painful arguments. Men will learn that by acting as if they are always right they may invalidate a woman's feelings. Women will learn how they unknowingly send messages of disapproval instead of disagreement, thus igniting a man's defenses. The anatomy 解剖学,剖析 of an argument will be explored along with many practical suggestions for establishing supportive communication. 第十章列出男人和女人不同的计分法。男人将学知:对金星人而言,每件代表爱情的礼物不管金额大小,都和其他礼物得到同样的分数。女人注重爱情的小小表现,而非昂贵的礼物。此章列出了女人计分的一百零一种方式。但女人必须学习将她们的精力放在给与男人想要的东西上,以搏得男人的高分评价。 Chapter 10 will show how men and women keep score (keep a record of past events or actions) differently. Men will learn that for Venusians every gift of love scores equally with every other gift, regardless of size. Instead of focusing on one big gift men are reminded that the little expressions of love are just as important; 101 ways to score points with women are listed. Women, however, will learn to redirect their energies into ways that score big with men by giving men what they want. 第十一章你将学习在困难时刻如何彼此沟通。我们会讨论男人与女人隐藏感觉的不同方式及分享感觉的重要。并推荐向另一半书写表达消极感觉的情书技巧,做为发现更美好的爱情与谅解的方法。 In chapter 11, you'll learn ways to communicate with each other during difficult times. The different ways men and women hide feelings are discussed along with the importance of sharing feelings. The Love Letter Technique is recommended for expressing negative feelings to your partner, as a way of finding greater love and forgiveness. 第十二章你会发现金星人为何难以开口请求支持,以及火星人为何抗拒请求。你会学到男人以什么来取代说“你可不可以……”,以及学习鼓励男人说出更多的秘密,你也会发现多种简短、直接的力量及如何使用正确的字眼。 You will understand why Venusians have a more difficult time asking for support in chapter 12, as well as why Martians commonly resist requests. You will learn how the phrases "could you" and "can you" turn off men and what to say instead. You will learn the secrets for encouraging a man to give more and discover in various ways the power of being brief, direct, and using the correct wording. 你会在第十三章发现爱情的四季变化。这个爱情变化与成长的实际观察,将帮助你克服浮现在任何关系中不可避免的障碍。你会学到你或配偶的过去足以影响你们目前的关系,你也会发现保持爱情活力的重要洞察力。 In chapter 13 you'll discover the four seasons of love. This realistic perspective of how love changes and grows will assist you in overcoming the inevitable obstacles that emerge in any relationship. You will learn how your past or your partner's past can affect your relationship in the present and discover other important insights for keeping the magic of love alive. 在本书的每一章中,你都可以发现增进爱情与维持关系的新秘诀。每个新发现都可增加你创造满意关系的能力。 In each chapter of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus you will discover new secrets for creating loving and lasting relationships. Each new discovery will increase your ability to have fulfilling (gratify, satisfy) relationships. 爱情需要用心 GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH 恋爱总是奇异的,它让人感到永恒,好像爱情至死不渝。我们天真地相信自己可以避免父母亲曾有的问题,不会遇上爱情死亡的机会,确信爱情就是两人在一起,注定永远快乐的共同生活。 Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after. 但当日子一天天过去,奇异的感觉减少,男人期待女人以男人的方式思想和行动,女人期待男人以女人的方式感觉和表现的态度就原形毕露了。若没有清楚了解我们的不同,我们就不会花时间彼此了解和尊重,反而会变得不断要求、忿恨、冲动、主观和固执己见。 But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant. 爱情在强烈的爱的意图下继续死亡。问题莫名其妙地爬升,忿恨形成,沟通破裂,不信任增加,导致两人间互相拒绝与压抑——爱情的魔力消失了。 我们自问: 爱情的死亡是怎么发生的? 为何爱情的死亡会发生?为什么让我遇上爱情的死亡? With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost. We ask ourselves: How does it happen? Why does it happen? Why does it happen to us? 为了回答这些问题,我们伟大的心灵必须探究聪慧、复杂的哲学与、心理学模式。但爱情死亡只不过是旧曲重唱,几乎每个人都会碰上。 To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant and complex philosophical and psychological models. Yet still the old patterns return. Love dies. It happens to almost everyone. 每一天,有成千上万的人在寻找配偶共同经历特别的爱情感觉;每一年,成千上万的夫妻以爱结合,然后因失去爱情感觉而痛苦分离。那些能够维持爱情热度到结婚的,只有百分之五十会结婚,另外百分之五十虽仍维持在一起,但可能他们都不满意,基于忠贞与义务地在一起,或者害怕重新开展新恋情。 Each day millions of individuals are searching for a partner to experience that special loving feeling. Each year, millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get married, only 50 percent stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50 percent are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of starting over. 很少人能够真正随着爱情成长,但不容否认,确实有人能够做到。只有当男人和女人能够尊重和接受彼此的不同,爱情才有机会繁盛。 Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom. 经由了解两性之间潜藏的不同,我们可以更成功地给与及接受暗藏于心中的爱情。认知和接受男女的不同可以创造解决问题的答案,而使我们能心想事成。更重要的是,可知悉如何彼此亲爱与如何支持我们在乎的人。 By validating and accepting our differences, creative solutions can be discovered whereby we can succeed in getting what we want. And, more important, we can learn how to best love and support the people we care about.Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully give and receive the love that is in our hearts. 爱情是奇妙的,如果我们记住彼此的不同,爱情是可以长久的。 ve is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences. | |