You are a people pleaser. You are someone that doesn’t know how to speak your mind. You are someone that is afraid that your opinion isn’t important.
You are a people pleaser. You are someone that doesn’t know how to speak your mind. You are someone that is afraid that your opinion isn’t important. You let people treat you however they want and don’t give them consequences for their actions.
This is the exact same way that I felt six years ago. I couldn’t overcome the debilitating fear that I wasn’t worth anything. I had no confidence. Over the years I did develop confidence and a realistic view of what I am capable of, but I didn’t want to go the opposite way – becoming cocky and full of myself instead of being “sure” of myself.
Here is how you can become confident without becoming cocky. Know your strengths
This is the exact thing I didn’t know that led me to believe that I wasn’t worth anything. It’s important to be able to identify what you are good at in your life, if only to choose that something as the thing that you devote your time to. When you find your strengths you can accomplish things in your life with much more confidence.
There are a few good ways to find your strengths. A simple way would be to find the things that you like to do and the things that make you feel “strong”; that is, find the tasks and actions you do on a regular basis that make you feel good about yourself. These tend to be your strengths. More importantly, know your limitations
While knowing your strengths is important, to make sure that you are only confident and not cocky, you have to know what your limitations are.
If you scoff at the notion that you have any limitations, you need more than ever to realize that you do. Everyone sucks as something. In fact, everyone sucks at most things. The thing is that we need to know which ones they are to avoid the “Superman Syndrome” or the idea that everything you do or can do you are instantly good at. Get a crew
Nothing is better than having people around that can keep you accountable and can speak up when you are becoming too full of yourself. Having people that are honest and not afraid to show you the reality of any situation are some of the best people to have as friends and confidants.
Having others around that only support you and lift you up and don’t show you where you are misstepping is certainly a good way to become cocky. I’m not saying to have people around you that make you feel like crap; you need people around you that aren’t afraid to tell you the truth about yourself and your situations. Log your successes and failures
A good way to gain instant confidence is to take a look at all of the important things you have accomplished over the weeks, months, and years in some kind of log format. Doing so will further solidify the idea that you are by no means worthless and that you can truly give something to society. On the opposite end, reviewing your past failures will keep your cockiness at bay and show you that you actually can screw up, no matter how awesome your past accomplishments are.
A good way to log these would be in a simple spreadsheet or even two text files (successes and failures). Be mindful and stay grounded
Being mindful is one of the best ways to stay grounded in reality. The practice of mindfulness will help you see yourself (as well as others around) for who and what they truly are; no more and no less.
You don’t have to be a meditation guru to do this, simply stop every so often and take stock of your current situation by becoming aware of your surroundings, your feelings, and your actions. In fact you could set up small reminders to do this throughtout the day to keep yourself on track. Although that isn’t very “buddha-like”, it will definitely help you to remember to be mindful throughout your day. Review and repeat
To make sure that you are confident without being cocky in the long run you have to consistently “check yourself”. Take out your success/failure log and look it over, ask your “crew” if you are being overly-confident (or even if you are not being confident enough), and stop every so often to become mindful of reality.
如何变的自信却不自大
你是一个要取悦别人的人。你是一个不知道如何表达自己的人。你是一个害怕自己的观点不够有分量的人。你让别人按照他们自己想要的方式去对待你，过后他们却不用为自己的行为负责。
这就是我六年前的感觉。当时，我不能克服“我没有存在价值”这种想法带来的恐惧，我没有自信。一路走来，我增强了自信心，并且清楚地知道了我的能力范围，但是我不想往相反的方向走——变的自大，眼中只有自己而不是相信自己。
以下是教你如何变的自己却不自大的方法。 了解你自己的能力
以前正是因为我不了解自己的能力，我才认为自己没有存在价值。如果你要选择把时间花在什么事情上，意识到你擅长什么是十分重要的。当你了解自己的能力之后，你能带着更多的自信去完成你生命中的一些事情。
这里有些好方法帮助你了解自己的能力。一个简单的方法就是找到你喜欢做的事情和能让你感到精力充沛的事情。也就是说，找到一些你按照一定的规律去做，而且能让你自我感觉良好的事情。这些有可能就是你的能力。但更重要的是，要清楚你自己的底线。
了解自己的能力是重要的，但为了确保你是自信的而不是自大的，你必须要知道你的底线是什么。
如果你嘲笑你有底线的想法时，你更加需要意识到你确实是。所有人都不能做好一些特定的事情。事实上，所有人都不能做好大多数事情。我们需要知道他们在什么事情上会避免“超人综合征”，或者任何你做过的事或你能做的事的想法。 找到一个合适的朋友
没有比有能在你太自大的时候提醒你，让你保持清醒的朋友更好的了。那些诚实，而且能在任何情况下都不害怕告诉你真相的人是最适合做朋友和知己的人之一了。
与那些只知道一味支持你，捧着你，却不告诉你你走错了路的人做朋友会很容易让你变的自大。我的意思不是要你与一群让你感觉自己很没用的人结交，你知道需要那些在你生命中能告诉你真相的朋友。 记下你的成功与失败
一个瞬间能让你变的自信的方法就是回顾你在过去几周，几个月，或者几年中完成的重要的事情。这样做会坚定你认为自己绝不是没有存在价值，你可以为社会做贡献的信念。对立的来说，不管你以前有多大的成就，回顾你过去的失败会让你意识到你在一些事情上仍没有做好，这能防止你变的自大。
一个记下你的成功与失败的好方法就是做 一个简单的数据表或者两个文件夹（成功与失败）。 要留心身边的事物和保持脚踏实地。
留心身边的事情是在现实中保持脚踏实地的最好的一个方法之一。留心身边的事物会帮助你了解你自己（同时了解你身边的人）；不多也不少。
为此，你不必成为一个冥想专家，你只要不时地停下，通过了解你的周围环境，你的感觉，你的行为来看清你现在的处境。事实上你可以为此写一个小提醒条。虽然这不像佛做的事情，这绝对会提醒你要留心你周围的事物。 复习和重复
从长期来看，为了确保你变的自信却不自大，你需要一直反省自己。拿出你的成功/失败记事本，然后看一遍，问你的朋友你是不是变的过于自信（或者是不是不够自信），还要不时地停下来留心周围的事物。
跟着以上这些原则走，你可以确保你自己变的自信却不自大。
本文由由译言网sharlene提供
