The fear of being rejected leads the decisions-making process of most people. Now, who wants to lose a job or a significant relationship? Of course we don't, yet if we are afraid of being rejected by our community to such an extent that we lose the battle with our principles and we let the pressures of others take the best of our actions, it is a matter of time until we end up defeated anyway. Where did rejection come from?
God created humankind in His image, and people were created to be totally accepted by Him. God also intended that we as humans should unconditionally accept each other to live in peace and harmony with one another as well as with God.
It was Satan who planted the seeds of sin, thus bringing rejection because he was rejected from Heaven, and then starting his destructive work making Eve doubt of her being accepted by God. This way Satan planted the seed of his evil work and Adam as well as Eve rejected God. When God inquires about their new situation, Adam rejects Eve and thus the unconditional acceptance is now replaced by rejection.
The consequences for us today are clear: we lost our peace with God (as a result we lost the peace with one another as well) and we lost that safety environment of unconditioned love Adam and Eve first had. The whole Earth was affected by this curse of having rejected God, and all the generations are born with the seed of sin ever since.
Another tricky consequence is that being accepted becomes the very motivation for our lives, and for fear of being rejected, we adopt certain types of behavior that affect ourselves as well as our relationships.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you lied just a little to get yourself out of some trouble? Or have you ever avoided a certain person for fear of being hurt by his words?
You see, this lack of safety and peace leads to all kinds of destructive behavior in search for acceptance. We all long for that unconditional acceptance, but if we don't know how to get it back, we try our own ways. This is why people use drugs, live in immorality, trying to pose something they are not because the real picture of a person's mind and heart may be a little too painful. But if drugs, sex, and drinking don't solve the problem, what is then the solution?
First, it is very important to identify the roots of your rejection. The roots can be very deep, can go back to the moment of your conception, to the time of pregnancy. Maybe you were not a wanted child, maybe you were abandoned or given for adoption.
There are deep wounds of rejection that go back in your childhood due to situations in your family when you felt rejected, or maybe your teachers and colleagues rejected you; low self-esteem can also lead to self rejection and this is because of your own attitude. There can be many causes in adolescence as well, and regardless of where these wounds have first appeared, they produce specific fruits.
Among the fruits of rejection are the following:
Aggressive Reactions
rejecting others
the refuse of being comforted
cursing
toughness
unbelief
stubbornness
skepticism
aggressive attitudes
harshness
Self-rejection
low self-esteem
inferiority
lack of safety
sadness, self pity,
the refusal to communicate
fear of failure, fear of other's opinion and other fears
anxiety, worry, depression, pessimism, lack of hope, etc.
Defense Mechanisms
fight for independence, performance, competition
isolation
self-protection
criticism, judgmental
manipulation and control
possessiveness
pride, arrogance
perfectionism
emotional immaturity
envy
egoism
Sad consequences and bitter fruits, but there is a way out, a way to be healed!
Just go back as long as you can remember, search your own soul, and see when and how you were wounded, God will bring to your mind those memories not to hurt you again, but to heal those memories and to take the pain out of them. God will do that when you ask Him to heal your heart, and for that, you need to give your heart to Him first; once you've made Jesus Christ Lord and Redeemer of your life, He will start the restoration process.
That's why I found it very helpful to make a list with all the people/situations that have hurt me up to the present day. Then just take each one of them, tell God what they have done to you, ask God to give you power to forgive them and give up your 'right' to revenge. Let God deal with them, pray that God would bless them and free them in your forgiveness. Do that with everyone on your list, ask God to remind you of all the people you need to forgive, and He is there to assist you and guide you in the restoration process.
It is God who heals the wounds and takes the pain away! However, we must do our part, we must forgive, it is not optional. Yes, it is difficult, many of the wounds are deep, but we are not to worry about God's power of healing, we just need to bring it to Him in prayer and He is faithful to do what we cannot do.
The only solution is to know the truth, is to know that only God can fill that deep inner cry for acceptance, love, and peace. Nothing else can! All temporary solutions will not be able to quench this huge thirst of our souls from healing those wounds of rejection.
Yield your heart to God, let Him heal your wounds of rejection, and be free and experience His unconditional love and acceptance!
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