芳香园里花芬芳，公子佳人色中忙，世间什么人最爱， 倒凤颠鸾魂飞杨。
漂浮的人生，流逝的岁月，漫长时光里，谁不曾为谁等待；
红尘路上，又有谁不曾为爱痴狂 ？
那一世，好想在花开时，陪你看细水长流；
这一季，好想执子之手，谱一生柔情，融一世温馨。
Love is mostly tender and quiet.Love is a light that allows people to see things that are not seen by others.Romantic love is a deep emotional, sexual and spiritual recognition and regard for the value of another person and relationship.爱情大多是温柔和宁静的。爱是一盏灯，让人们看到别人看不到的东西。浪漫爱情是一种深刻的情感、性和精神认识，是对他人价值和关系的尊重。
Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational. Romantic love can seem like an emotional storm. 浪漫的爱情可以产生许多强烈的情感。它可以提供一种深刻的狂喜，以及沮丧时的深重痛苦。对有些人说，浪漫的爱情是非理性的。浪漫的爱情似乎是一场情感风暴。
This paper is really a collection of experiences, thoughts, readings, and the result of my discussions with people falling in and out of love. I began writing on this topic in 1989. I was first inspired to write "About Romantic Love" when I first read a book by Nathanial Brandon on the topic of romantic love. I revise or add something to this collection of thoughts several times a year. I am most inspired to write when I meet someone in love or someone feeling crushed when their love was lost. 本文实际上是经验、思想、阅读的集合，也是我与坠入爱河的人讨论的结果。我从1989年开始写这个话题。当我第一次读纳撒尼尔·布兰登关于浪漫爱情的书时，我第一次受到启发去写《关于浪漫爱情》。 我每年多次修改或添加一些想法。当我遇到恋爱中的人或在失去爱时感到崩溃的人时， 我最有灵感地写作。
I have had countless experiences talking to people who believe romantic is followed by disillusionment. These people come to believe that romantic love is a false hope. They began their relationship with romantic feelings. They had dreams for their future. They felt that life was finally rewarding and worthwhile. But eventually the relationship began to fall apart. It was a painful experience. They remember when they were in love. They feel tortured by their inability to see how or why their love was lost.我和那些相信浪漫之后是幻灭的人交谈过无数次。这些人开始相信浪漫爱情是一种虚假的希望。他们以浪漫的感情开始他们的关系。他们对自己的未来有梦想。他们觉得生活终于有回报和价值了。但最终关系开始破裂。那是一次痛苦的经历。他们记得他们恋爱的时候。他们感到折磨，因为他们无法看到他们的爱是如何或为什么失去的。
Despite these experiences, people are still drawn to something they seldom reach. It is a profound longing. A desire that is difficult to extinguish. Romantic love is not something that must crumble when faced with practical realities. Romantic love is not something just for youth.尽管有这些经历，人们仍然被他们很少能达到的东西所吸引。这是一种深刻的渴望。难以熄灭的欲望。浪漫的爱情不是面对现实时必须崩溃的东西。浪漫的爱情不仅仅是年青人的事。
Before going further, I should talk about the institution of marriage. One kind of marriage is the utilitarian marriage. In this type of marriage there is an absence of mutual involvement or passion. This type of marriage is usually held together by social, financial or family considerations. In a utilitarian marriage the relationship is made tolerable by long separations, community activities and usually infidelity.在更进一步之前，我应该谈谈婚姻制度。一种婚姻是功利婚姻。在这类婚姻中，没有相互参与或激情。这类婚姻通常由社会、经济或家庭考虑而举行。在功利婚姻中，这种关系由于长时间的分离、社区活动和通常的不忠而变得可以容忍。
The other kind of a marriage is the intrinsic marriage. In this type of marriage there is passionate emotional and sexual involvement. The experience of life is shared. The relationship is considered more fulfilling and interesting than any social activity. In this relationship there is a tendency to avoid activities resulting in separations.另一种婚姻是内在的婚姻。在这类婚姻中，有充满激情的情感和性参与。分享生活的经验。这种关系被认为比任何社交活动都更充实、更有趣。在这种关系中，有一种倾向，即避免导致分离的活动。
Marriage itself does not create or sustain romantic love. To love someone, and for that love to endure, requires the ability to see that person with clarity. For example, we have all seen how some people will idealize or glamorize their partners. They exaggerate their good qualities, and they ignore and avoid considering significant differences and potential problems. Why do they do this? Many reasons, but mostly because they need to see the person in this idealized way. People can fall in love with the idea of a person who doesn’t really exist and then hope the relationship will endure.婚姻本身并不能创造或维持浪漫的爱情。爱一个人，要让爱持续下去，需要能够清楚地看到那个人。例如，我们都看到了有些人将如何理想化或美化他们的伴侣。他们夸大了他们的优秀品质，他们忽视并避免考虑重大差异和潜在问题。他们为什么要这么做？原因有很多，但主要是因为他们需要以这种理想化的方式看待这个人。 人们可以爱上一个并不真正存在的人的想法， 然后希望这种关系会持续下去。
Most people never learn how to sustain a loving relationship. The reason is simple. Nobody showed them. The mere fact that a man and woman feel love toward each other does not guarantee they will be able to create a joyful and rewarding life. Love does not automatically teach a person communication skills. Love does not teach a person how to resolve a conflict. Love does not teach people how to weave their love into the rest of their life.大多数人从来没有学会如何维持一段充满爱的关系。原因很简单。没人告诉他们，男人和女人对彼此有爱，这并不能保证他们能够创造快乐和有益的生活。爱不会自动教一个人沟通技巧。爱不能教一个人如何解决冲突。爱不能教人们如何把他们的爱编织到余生中。
For most people who fall in love, a time will come when they sense the beginning of problems. They know that romantic love can produce great joy and happiness. But with time, they begin to feel more alone. They experience self-doubt and they feel the consequence of their unmet needs. They begin to see the other person more like they truly are and not what they needed them to be. They usually begin to find faults in others and they may become jealous, angry, bitter, sarcastic or cynical. Many will separate or remain together in misery. They will often have children and try to raise a family in an effort to revive the relationship or to feel better. Many will have an affair. When they separate or divorce, some will get involved in another relationship too quickly. They try to find some way to ease the pain. They idealize this new person in their life and the cycle starts over. They say to themselves, "I'll never be hurt like that again.对大多数坠入爱恋的人来说，一个他们感觉到问题开始的时候就会到来。他们知道浪漫的爱情可以带来巨大的快乐和幸福。但随着时间的推移，他们开始感到更加孤独。他们经历自我怀疑，他们感到自己未满足需求的后果。他们开始看到对方更像他们真正的，而不是他们需要他们是什么。他们通常开始发现别人的缺点，他们可能会变得嫉妒，愤怒，痛苦，讽刺或愤世嫉俗。许多人将分开或在痛苦中在一起。他们经常会有孩子，并试图养家，以努力恢复关系或感觉更好。许多人会有外遇。当他们分居或离婚时，有些人会很快卷入另一段关系。他们试图找到某种方法来减轻疼痛。他们理想化这个新人在他们的生活中和周期重新开始。他们对自己说，"我再也不会受到那样的伤害了。
The exact origin of the desire to love is difficult to comprehend, but can be appreciated in many ways.爱情欲望的确切起源是难以理解的，但可以在很多方面得到欣赏。
When a man and woman encounter each other in midst of love they seek intimate contact. In a general sense, love is a response to something we intimately value. Romantic love is the experience of joy in the presence of a loved one, joy in being close to a loved one, and joy in our interaction with a loved one.当一个男人和一个女人在爱情中相遇时，他们寻求亲密的接触。从一般意义上说，爱是对一些我们非常看重的东西的回应。浪漫的爱情是当着所爱的人的面享受快乐的经历，在接近所爱的人时，在与所爱的人交往时，在互动中体验快乐。
Someone we love enters the room. Our eyes and heart light up. We look at this person. We feel a growing feeling of joy within us. We reach out and touch their hand. We feel happy and fulfilled.我们爱的人进入房间。我们的眼睛和心都亮了起来。我们看着这个人我们感到内心越来越快乐。我们伸出手来摸摸他们的手。我们感到快乐和满足。
I believe we all have a profound need to find things in the world we care about and feel inspired by.我相信我们都非常需要在世界上找到我们关心和感受到启发的东西。
Life is worthwhile - at any age - when we find something worth pursuing.
Psychologists have long recognized that both children and adults need something in their environment that is a source of "pleasure." Maybe pleasure is a not the best word, but we do have a need to explore those things which are interesting and exciting. We search for that which will charm us and bring us in touch with the awe and wonder we experienced when we were children. 在任何年龄，当我们发现值得追求的东西时，生命是有价值的。心理学家早就认识到，儿童和成人都需要一些"快乐"的来源。也许快乐不是最好的词，但我们确实需要探索那些有趣和令人兴奋的事物。 我们寻找那些能吸引我们的东西，让我们接触到我们小时候所经历的敬畏和惊奇。 We know that children are curious and adventurous. But the most important need of children and adults seems to be the expression of their true nature -- Being who we truly are is important. I first learned about who were are from my friend and mentor Sterling Ellsworth. He called it our Real Self, our identity and our true nature.我们知道孩子们好奇和冒险。但是，儿童和成人最重要的需要似乎是表达他们的真实本性 -- -- 做我们真正的人很重要。我第一次知道谁是我的朋友和导师斯特林埃尔斯沃思。 他称之为我们真正的自我，我们的身份和我们的真实本性。
Our Real Self and the nature of people is quit clear when we observe children. Any parent can readily see that children are inherently lovable and capable. And for children to grow into healthy adjusted adults, they need to be treated as lovable and capable beings. They also need to express their lovable and capable nature.
From the moment of birth we begin looking for lights that will brighten our journey, provide us with purpose and meaning, and make our struggle worthwhile.
It is here that we can begin to understand another important expression of romantic love.当我们观察孩子时，我们真正的自我和人的本质是明确的。任何父母都很容易看到孩子天生可爱和有能力。儿童要成长为健康适应的成年人，就需要被当作可爱和有能力的人来对待。他们还需要表达他们可爱和有能力的天性。从出生那一刻起，我们就开始寻找能够照亮我们旅程的灯光，为我们提供目的和意义，使我们的斗争变得有价值。正是在这里，我们可以开始理解浪漫爱情的另一个重要表达方式。
Romantic love is a powerful way to express our capacity to love and to be loved. It is a way to focus our energy, our curiosity, and our desire for adventure. Romantic love is a source of pleasure and inspiration and is worth pursuing. Romantic love is a blessing of life. Romantic love confirms our lovable and capable nature.
At the very core of Romantic Love I have observed and discovered a number of important dynamics at work.浪漫的爱是表达我们爱和被爱的能力的有力方式。这是一种集中精力、好奇心和冒险欲望的方法。浪漫的爱情是快乐和灵感的源泉，值得追求。浪漫的爱情是生命的福气。浪漫的爱证实了我们可爱和有能力的天性。在浪漫爱情的核心，我观察并发现了一些重要的动态在工作。
Visibility (the desire to be seen)To live successfully is to put ourselves into the world; to give expression to our thoughts, our values, and our goals. Whenever we express our personality, we make known our values, our intelligence, our sense of life, our rhythm and temperament. Each of us express ourselves in our behavior - - how we act and what we say. Whatever we express in our behavior can be reflected back by the response and the behavior expressed by others. We see how others respond if we are paying attention. The way they act, how they look at us, the way they speak to us, and especially the ways in which they don't respond.能见度（被看见的愿望）成功生活就是把自己放到世界中去：表达我们的想法，我们的价值观和我们的目标。每当我们表达个性时，我们都会了解我们的价值观、智慧、生活感、节奏和气质。我们每个人都在行为上表达自己——我们的行为方式和言行。 无论我们在行为中表达什么，都可以通过他人的反应和行为来反映。如果我们注意，我们可以看到其他人的反应。他们的行为方式，他们如何看待我们，他们和我们说话的方式，尤其是他们不回应的方式。
When we encounter a person who thinks as we do, and notices what we do, and values what we do, we experience a strong feeling of contact with that person.
In loving you, I see in you a part of me that is also you.. I also see in you something that is really me. And there is you, a person of many qualities-- a person who is a mystery-- a person I am drawn to.当我们遇到一个人，谁认为我们这样做，并注意到我们做什么，并重视我们做什么，我们体验到与那个人的强烈接触的感觉。
在爱你中，我从你看到了我的一部分，也是你。我也从你看到了真正是我的东西。还有你，一个具有许多品质的人——一个神秘的人——一个我被吸引的人。All life - by it's very nature - entails a possibility of defeat. Because of this, we find pleasure and reassurance in the expression of life. Sharing our life and participating in life is reassuring that life is possible. Romantic love is an intense sharing and reassurance that life is possible.所有的生命——从本质上讲——都蕴含着失败的可能性。正因为这样，我们在生命的表达中找到了快乐和安慰。分享我们的生活和参与生活是令人放心的，生活是可能的。浪漫的爱情是一种强烈的分享和保证，生活是可能的。
So we find pleasure in the experience of life which endure. We take comfort in the experience of this. This comfort is a greater gift than any explicit words or advice: The sight of a lovable person. The awareness of a capable child. There is something in each of us that finds pleasure in watching the healthy assertiveness in a child make his way into the world. Finding ourselves romantically in love is always associated with a hope that it will endure.因此，我们在持续的生活体验中找到了快乐。我们对此感到欣慰。这种安慰比任何明确的言语或建议都更令人欣慰：看到一个可爱的人。有能力的孩子的意识。我们每个人都觉得看着孩子的健康自信进入这个世界是一件令人高兴的事。发现自己浪漫地相爱总是与希望它会长久
The agony of not being recognized or seen by others is a source of many problems and insecurities. When we are seen by others, there is always some element of self-discovery available to us. The first time we feel loved, there is an enormous pleasure and excitement in finding someone who sees and values us. A sustained experience of visibility in any relationship that goes to any significant depth will generate self-discovery and expanded awareness.别人不承认或看不到这种痛苦是许多问题和不安全感的根源。当我们被别人看到时，我们总会有一些自我发现的内容。我们第一次感到被爱时，发现一个看到和珍视我们的人是一种极大的快乐和兴奋。在任何深度的关系中持续的可见性体验将产生自我发现和扩大意识。Visibility and Understanding可见性和理解性
The desire to be seen and understood are inseparable. When we are told we are loved, there is something in us that feels joy. And there is something in us that wants to know what others see. The desire for visibility is related to our desire to be understood. For any individual, blind love may help numb or settle anxiety, but it will not answer our hunger to be seen and understood. People who feel misunderstood will often go to great lengths to be seen.被看到和理解的愿望是分不开的。当我们被告知我们被爱时，我们中有些东西能感受到快乐。我们有些事想知道别人看到了什么。对能见度的渴望与我们被理解的愿望有关。对于任何个人来说，盲目的爱可能有助于麻木或解决焦虑，但它不能满足我们的渴望被看到和理解。感到被误解的人往往会竭尽全力去看。
Being visible does not always lead to love. But love devoid of visibility is an illusion.
可见并不总是导致爱。但是没有能见度的爱是一种幻觉。
Visibility and Validation可见性和验证
People often confuse the desire to be validated with a desire to be seen. Visibility and validation are not the same.人们常常把被验证的愿望和被人看见的欲望混为一解。可见性和验证不一样。
We have all known people with low self-esteem. In every case there is an excessive preoccupation with gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. There is an excessive desire for validation and support. People naturally confuse the need to feel good about themselves (self-esteem) with a need to be seen (visibility). The desire to be validated is not healthy when it becomes more important than honesty, integrity, or any expression of our lovable and capable nature.我们都认识自尊心低的人。在每种情况下，都过分关注获得批准和避免不赞成。人们过分渴望得到验证和支持。人们自然而然地把自我感觉良好（自尊）的需要与需要被看到（能见度）混为一谈。当这种愿望变得比诚实、正直或任何表达我们可爱和有能力的天性更重要时，被验证的愿望是不健康的。
The desire to be validated is not a sign of low self-esteem. But people with good self-esteem do not run around acting super normal, hiding their faults, showing off, or trying to impress people just to be validated. The more they take pride in who they are, and the more they act in a way that makes them proud, the more eager they are to be seen for who we are. Self-esteem means confidence in our capable nature, and it means confidence in a loveable identity.被验证的愿望不是自卑的表现。但是，自尊心好的人不会到处乱跑，行为超正常，隐藏自己的缺点，炫耀，或试图打动人们只是为了得到验证。 他们越是为自己是谁而自豪，他们的行为方式就越让他们感到骄傲，他们就越渴望被人看到我们是谁。自尊意味着对我们有能力的天性的信心，它意味着对可爱身份的信心。
We are not mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We are all inherently loveable and capable. We may not be treated that way. We may even come to believe we are not lovable and capable because of the way people treat us. All love endures between people who recognize their lovable and capable nature and that nature in the others.
When we feel lovable and capable we want others to see us as we truly are -- not who we pretend to be. We look to see if they can see and communicate to us their discovery of who we really are. We want people to see and value the identity we were born with and what we have grown to become. We want people to see us and treat us as lovable and capable.我们不是错误。错误是我们学习方式。我们天生都是可爱的，有能力的。我们可能不会受到那样的对待。我们甚至可能开始相信，由于人们对待我们的方式，我们并不可爱和有能力。所有的爱都发生在那些认识到自己可爱而能干的天性的人和其他人的天性之间。当我们感到可爱和有能力时，我们希望别人看到我们的真实身份，而不是我们假装的自己。我们期待看看他们是否能看到并告诉我们他们发现了我们的真实是谁。我们希望人们看到并珍惜我们与生俱来的身份和我们成长为什么样的人。我们希望人们看到我们，把我们视为可爱和有能力的人。
In romantic love, two people see each other in a unique way.. And they experience each other in a deeper and more complete way than any other relationship.在浪漫的爱情中，两个人以独特的方式相见。他们以比任何其他关系更深刻、更完整的方式体验彼此。
Visibility and Sexuality能见度和性
We are more than human. We are beings of a specific gender. Contained in every human is the awareness of being male or female. It is an integral and intimate part of our self-concept and our identity. We are not merely human beings. We also experience ourselves as male and female. Our sexual identity is rooted in the reality of our biological nature. Our sexuality is not simply our physical maleness or femaleness. Our sexual identity is the experience of our maleness and our femaleness.我们不仅仅是人类。我们是特定性别的人。每个人中都包含着男性或女性的意识。它是我们自我概念和身份不可分割和亲密的一部分。我们不仅仅是人。我们也体验自己作为男性和女性。我们的性认同植根于我们生物本性的现实。我们的性不仅仅是我们身体上的男性或女性。我们的性认同是我们的男性和女性的经验。
The polarity of male and female generates a dynamic tension. These differences can be complementary and provide a window into aspects of ourselves that were never known..男性和女性的极性产生动态紧张。这些差异可以是互补的，为了解我们自己从未了解的方面提供了一个窗口。
Our sexual identity is central to who we are. We not only want to be seen by others as a certain kind of human being. We want to be seen as a man or woman. Despite the many differences between men and women, we can compliment each other in many basic, mysterious and wonderful ways.我们的性认同是我们的核心。我们不仅希望被别人视为某种人。我们希望被视为一个男人或女人。尽管男女之间有许多差异，我们还是可以用许多基本、神秘和奇妙的方式互相赞美。
As far as I can tell, masculinity is the expression of man's belief that the creation of a woman was natures most brilliant idea. And femininity is the expression of women's belief that the creation of man is natures most brilliant idea.就我所知，阳刚之气是男人的信念的表达，即创造一个女人是大自然中最辉煌的主意。女性气质是女性信仰的表达，即创造男人是大自然中最辉煌的理念。
We all carry some male and female aspects within us. In men, the male principle is usually predominate. In women, the female principle is usually predominate. A man knows what it feels like to be a man in a way that no woman can fully understand. The same principle applies for women. The difference in perspective available to men and women when encountering each other represents, at least potentially, a deeper range of knowing our self and another person. In other words, a wider range of possibilities exists between men and women than between members of the same sex. The deepest level of self-understanding for a man requires interaction with the opposite sex. In relating to people who are different, especially the opposite sex, we can potentially experience the fullest range of who we are, who we aren’t, and aspects of ourselves we deny or never realized. The polarity between man and woman generates and accentuates self-discovery and self-understanding.我们都携带一些男性和女性方面在我们里面。在男性中，男性原则通常占主导地位。在妇女中，妇女原则通常占多数。男人知道做男人的感觉，这是没有女人能完全理解的。同样的原则也适用于妇女。男人和女人在相遇时在视角上的差异至少可能代表着更深层次的了解我们自己和另一个人。换言之，男女之间存在着比同性成员之间更广泛的可能性。男人最深刻的自我理解需要与异性互动。在与不同的人，特别是异性的人，我们有可能体验到我们是谁，我们不是，以及我们否认或从未意识到的一些方面。男人和女人之间的两极性产生并突出了自我发现和自我理解。
We have all heard how some people can meet someone for the first time and then experience a sudden shock of recognition. There is an odd sense of familiarity, a mysterious sense of having encountered the person before - as if the person was already known. These people experience a sense of fascination over this mysterious familiarity and strangeness. Something is known about this person in a powerful way.
In romantic love we perceive the other as a real or potential source of happiness. Desire is born. And desire leads to actions which result in pleasure and joy. If we are frightened or angered by our differences, love withers.我们都听说过有些人如何能第一次见到某人，然后经历突然的认知冲击。 有一种奇怪的熟悉感，一种神秘的感觉，以前遇到过这个人——好像这个人已经知道了。这些人对这种神秘的熟悉和陌生感感到着迷。 关于这个人，人们以一种强有力的方式知道了一些事情。在浪漫的爱情中，我们认为对方是幸福的真正或潜在的源泉。欲望诞生了。欲望导致快乐和快乐的行动。如果我们被我们的分歧所吓倒或激怒，爱情就枯萎了。
Fascination, attraction, or passion may be born "at first sight". But love requires curiosity, patience, acceptance and seeing people for who they truly are. This usually takes time.魅力、吸引力或激情可能"一见钟情"。但是爱需要好奇心、耐心、接受和看到人们的真实存在。这通常需要时间。
Our Sense of Life and Romantic Love我们的生活感和浪漫的爱
A soul mate is a person who shares our sense of life. When we encounter another person, we encounter the presence of that person's sense of life. Sometimes we can quickly sense something about the other person's sense of life, how he or she feels about himself or herself, the joyfulness in their approach to life, or the defensiveness and fearfulness they endure. We can sense in people their level of enthusiasm, optimism, excitement or even their dread with life.灵魂伴侣是一个与我们有着一样生活感的人。当我们遇到另一个人时，我们就会遇到那个人的生命感的存在。有时，我们可以很快地感觉到一些关于对方的生活感，他或她对自己的感觉，他们的生活方式的快乐，或他们忍受的防御和恐惧。我们可以在人们中感受到他们的热情、乐观、兴奋，甚至他们对生活的恐惧。
Our sense of life reflects many conscious and unconscious values. It reflects our broadest and deepest attitudes, and is grounded in our conclusions about the world, about life and about ourselves. When we are not allowed to express our lovable and capable nature, and when we are treated as unlovable and incapable beings, we develop a sense of life in which the world is not open to our thoughts, is unconcerned about our feelings, and unaffected by our actions.我们的生活感反映了许多有意识和无意识的价值观。它反映了我们最广泛和最深刻的态度，并植根于我们对世界、生活和我们自己的结论。当我们不能表达我们可爱和有能力的天性，当我们被当作不可爱和无能的人对待时，我们就会产生一种生活感，即世界不对我们的思想开放不关心我们的感情不受我们行动的影响。
Our sense of life can also reflect a strong and healthy self-esteem, a clear sense of value in our life, and a conviction that our world is open to our lovable and capable nature. Or it can reflect the torture of self-doubt, embittered resentment, tragic defiance, complaining resignation, aggressive impotence, a perverse sense of martyrdom, a view of the world that is sordid and senseless, or the anxiety that we may live in a world were we are unlovable and incapable.我们的生命感也可以反映一种强烈而健康的自尊、一种清晰的人生价值感，以及一种信念，即我们的世界对我们可爱和有能力的本性是开放的。或者，它可以反映自我怀疑、痛苦的怨恨、悲惨的蔑视、抱怨辞职、咄咄逼人的无能、反常的殉难感、对一个肮暗和毫无意义的世界的看法，或者我们可能生活在一个我们不可爱和无能的世界中的焦虑。
There are potential problems whenever a couple have a different sense of life. It is essential that people in love fully recognize, appreciate and accept differences in their sense of life. Even when they don't, things can still go well initially - - especially when people put their "best foot" forward. Eventually the difference in your sense of life will surface with unexpected results. People eventually stop pretending or begin to notice with time how you really are.每当一对夫妇对生活有不同的感觉时，就会有潜在的问题。 恋爱中的人必须充分认识、欣赏和接受生活意识的差异。 即使他们不这样做， 事情仍然可以顺利最初 - 尤其是当人们把他们的 "最好的脚" 向前。 最终，你生命感的差异会以意想不到的结果浮出水面。 人们最终不再假装或开始注意到你的真实存在。
Our sense of life and our approach to life develops with the first expression of our Real Self. It matters how our parents respond and it matter how other people treat us. It matters if parents treat us as unlovable or incapable. It matters if our parents treat each other as lovable and capable. When people treat us like we are unlovable and incapable, and when they treat each other that way, life can become a grudging responsibility where people may become no more than objects or a means to an end, and new relationships are formed on the basis of social economics. We may begin to value ourselves not for who we are, but for how we look, what we can do and what we have or own. We may develop a sense of life where we shrink our awareness, blame others, give up their responsibilities, or we may come to believe that life is no longer an adventure in which every moment offers the opportunity to learn. When two people who respond to life in radically opposing ways meet, a potential barrier to romantic love may be formed.我们的生活感和我们的生活方式发展与我们真正的自我的第一个表达。 父母的反应很重要，别人怎么对待我们也很重要。 父母是否把我们视为不可爱或无能，这一点很重要。 我们的父母是否把对方视为可爱和有能力，这一点很重要。 当人们像对待我们不可爱和无能的人一样对待我们时，当他们这样对待对方时，生活就可能成为一种勉强的责任，人们可能变成目的或手段，新的关系是在社会经济的基础上形成的。我们可能开始看重的不是我们是谁，而是看我们的样子，我们能做什么，我们拥有什么或拥有什么。我们可能会发展出一种生活意识，在那里我们缩小意识，责怪他人，放弃他们的责任，或者我们可能开始相信，生活不再是每时每刻都提供学习机会的冒险。当两个以截然相反的方式回应生活的人相遇时，可能会形成浪漫爱情的潜在障碍。
Complementary Differences and Similarities互补差异和相似性
The second principle involves the "similarities and differences" between people. The most basic similarity is that a man and a woman are both are human. The most basic difference is that people are male or female.第二个原则涉及人与人之间的"相似性和差异性"。最基本的相似之处是，男人和女人都是人。最基本的区别是人是男性或女性。
In romantic love, a man and woman must experience their differences, at least to some degree, as mutually enriching, and as capable of drawing out untapped awareness and potential in each other. Their intimacy is an adventure resulting in expanded consciousness and the profound sense of being alive. The key is whether the couple experience their differences as complementary or antagonistic. This will depend on the willingness and ability of both people to appreciate and find value in the other person.在浪漫的爱情中，男人和女人必须经历他们的差异，至少在某种程度上，作为相互丰富，并能够在彼此中汲取未开发的意识和潜力。他们的亲密是一次冒险，导致意识的扩大和深刻的活着的感觉。关键是这对夫妇是体验他们的差异作为互补还是对抗。这将取决于两个人欣赏和发现对方价值的意愿和能力。
Romantic love offers us the possibility self-discovery through deep contact with another.浪漫的爱为我们提供了通过与另一个人的深度接触自我发现的可能性。
If you are in love, you might ask yourself, What part of myself does my lover bring me into fresh contact with? How do I experience myself in this relationship? When I am with my lover, what feels most alive within me?如果你恋爱了，你可能会问自己，我的爱人让我重新接触了什么部分？在这段关系中，我该如何体验自己？当我和爱人在一起时，我内心最活跃的感觉是什么？
Rhythm and Energy节奏和能量
Most people possess an inherent biological rhythm that is easy to feel but difficult to describe when you don't know what to look for. This rhythm and energy is deeply connected to whether or not romantic love actually ignites or endures.大多数人拥有一种固有的生物节奏，当你不知道该找什么时，这种节奏很容易感觉，但很难描述。这种节奏和能量与浪漫爱情是否真的点燃或延续有着深厚的联系。
Rhythm and energy can be observed in our speech patterns, emotional responses and body language. Closely related is the observation that some people are naturally more or lessenergetic than others - -physically, emotionally or intellectually. Some people move, feel, think faster or slower depending on the circumstance and their environment. Some people are impulsive or impatient. They may even experience a different sense and relationship to time.在我们的言语模式、情绪反应和肢体语言中可以观察到节奏和能量。密切相关的是观察到，有些人自然比其他人更自然或更缺乏活力——身体上、情感上或智力上。有些人会根据环境和环境来移动、感觉、思考得更快或更慢。有些人冲动或不耐烦。他们甚至可能体验到与时间不同的感觉和关系。
Sometimes two people meet and are on the verge of falling in love. They may have a lot in common and they may be physically attracted on the basis of their appearances. Yet they can feel strangely out-of-sync with each other. They may even feel irritated and have difficulty accounting for these feelings. The person who is naturally fast and eagerly explore's life may feel chronically impatient with a person who savors life at a slower pace. The person with a less fevered pace may feel chronically pressured. The person who interprets these differences as personal or intentional by the other will feel frustrated and even angry in the relationship.
Failure to understand the importance of our rhythm and energy, and the effect on relationships, will lead to quarrels and disagreements. These difference can become antagonistic even though they have the potential to become complimentary. When couples don't recognize or appreciate their differences, many will become extreme or try to change the other person in order to create a balance. When this fails couples begin to look for faults in each other. As the relationship begins to fail, they may begin to explain their problems in terms of the alleged faults. They remain unaware of a deeper reasons for their discomfort and acceptance of differences.有时两个人相遇，即将坠入爱河。他们可能有很多共同点，他们可能会根据自己的外表被身体吸引。 然而，他们可能会感到奇怪的不同步。他们甚至可能感到恼火，难以考虑这些感觉。自然而然地快速而急切地探索生活的人可能会对一个以较慢的速度品味生活的人感到长期不耐烦。速度较轻的人可能会感到长期的压力。 将这些差异解释为他人个人或故意差异的人会在关系中感到沮丧甚至愤怒。不理解我们的节奏和能量的重要性，以及对人际关系的影响，将导致争吵和分歧。 这些差异可能会变得敌对，即使他们有可能成为免费的。 当夫妻不承认或欣赏他们的差异时，许多人会变得极端或试图改变对方，以创造平衡。当这失败时，夫妻开始寻找彼此的过错。随着关系开始失败，他们可能会开始解释他们的问题，在所谓的故障。他们仍然不知道他们感到不适和接受差异的更深层次的原因。
When a man and woman meet and feel "in sync", there can be an exhilarating experience of harmony and that their relationship is right. Being "in sync" is an experience of knowing the other in a very special sense. Both may resonate to a marvelous kind of rhythm.当一个男人和女人相遇，感觉"同步"时，会有一种令人振奋的和谐体验，他们的关系是正确的。"同步"是一种在非常特殊意义上认识对方的经历。两者都可能与一种奇妙的节奏产生共鸣。
Once you are aware of this phenomena, and notice it in your relationships, you can better understand why people are attracted and irritated by each another. Rhythm and energy are the means to explore difference and similarities and to gain a deeper harmony and compatibility.一旦你意识到这种现象，并注意到它在你的关系，你可以更好地理解为什么人们被对方吸引和激怒。节奏和能量是探索差异和相似性，获得更深层次的和谐和兼容性的手段。
The Private Universe Of Romantic Love浪漫爱情的私人世界
Another essential principle to understanding romantic love is the concept of "A private universe." Two people in love can create a private universe out of their sense of individuality, their similar sense of life, their differences and similarities, their rhythm and energy, and the capacity to make meaningful contact with each other. This universe can be shared with silent understandings, unspoken words, humorous signals, and focused glances. Conversations and physical contact become wondrous, exciting and safe.理解浪漫爱情的另一个基本原则是"私人宇宙"的概念。恋爱中的两个人可以通过他们的个性、相似的生活感、他们的差异和相似性、他们的节奏和能量以及彼此进行有意义的接触的能力来创造一个私人宇宙。这个宇宙可以通过无声的理解、不言自明的话语、幽默的信号和专注的目光来分享。 对话和身体接触变得奇妙，令人兴奋和安全。
Romantic love is based on shared sight and is shaped by happiness. Immature love is based on shared blindness, and is merely a fortress against pain.
浪漫的爱情是建立在共同的视觉基础上的，是由幸福塑造的。不成熟的爱是建立在共同的失明之上的，只是抵御痛苦的堡垒。
Romantic love is a sanctuary, and a source of nourishment and energy. Sometimes romantic love is the only point of certainty, and the only thing that is solid and real in the midst of chaos and ambiguity.浪漫的爱情是一个避难所，是滋养和能量的源泉。有时浪漫的爱情是唯一确定的点，也是唯一在混乱和模棱两可中坚实而真实的东西。
