小我和名声

众所周知的“攀亲带故”（namedropping）现象（就是不经意地提到你认识某某人）；是小我用来在他人和自己眼中获取优越身份感的策略；这种优越感是来自于与某位“重要人士”的牵连。在这个世界上；成名的害处就是你的本质（whoyouare）会完全地被一个集体的心理形象（collectivementalimage）所掩盖。

大部分碰到你的人；都想经由与你的交往来强化他们的身份——也就是他们心理形象中的自己（who they are）。他们自己可能都不知道；他们其实对你一点兴趣也没有；只是想最终借由你来增强他们虚构的自我感。他们相信经由你；他们可以成为更多。他们是在利用你成就自己；或者这样说：他们眼中的你；只是那个名人的心理形象；一个超现实的、集体概念上的身份（collective conceptual    identity）。

对于名气荒谬的过度推崇；只是小我在这个世界上众多疯狂表现的一种。有些名人犯了同样的错误而与集体幻相产生认同；这个幻相也就是人们和媒体为这些名人创造的形象；而他们也真的开始觉得自命不凡、高人一等。结果；他们与自己以及他人的距离愈来愈遥远；愈来愈不快乐；愈来愈依赖持续不坠的知名度。围绕在他们四周的；只有那些能够豢养膨胀他们自我形象的人们；因此；这些名人无法拥有真正知心的人际关系。

爱因斯坦是众人所仰慕的超凡之人；也是命定该成为世上最有名的人之一；但是他从来不和集体心智为他所创造的形象产生认同。他还是非常谦虚；没有小我。事实上；他说过：“人们对于我的成就和能力以及我真正的本质和能力之间；有着可笑的矛盾。”这就是为什么有名的人很难与他人建立真诚的关系。

真诚的关系是不会被小我的形象制造和自我追寻而操控的。在真诚的关系中；应该有开放、警觉的注意力（alert attention）自然地流向对方；而在其中没有任何形式的需索。那种警觉的注意力就是临在。它是任何真诚关系的必要条件。小我要不就是一直在索求什么；要不就是如果它认为从对方身上已经得不到什么了；就会处在一个很明显的冷漠状态：它根本不在乎你。因此；在小我关系中最主要的三个状态就是：需索；受挫的需索（愤怒、怨恨、责怪、抱怨）以及漠不关心。

EGO AND FAME

The well-known phenomenon of “name dropping,” the casual mention of who you know, is part of the ego's strategy of gaining a superior identity in the eyes of others and therefore in its own eyes through association with

someone “important.” The bane of being famous in this world is that who you are becomes totally obscured by a collective mental image. Most people you meet want to enhance their identity – the mental image of who they are – through association with you. They themselves may not know that they are not interested in you at all but only in strengthening their ultimately fictitious sense of self. They believe that through you they can be more. They are looking to complete themselves through you, or rather through the mental image they have of you as a famous person, a larger-than-life collective conceptual identity.

The absurd over-valuation of fame is just one of the many manifestations of egoic madness in our world. Some famous people fall into the same error and identify with the collective fiction, the image people and the media have created of them, and they begin to actually see themselves as superior to ordinary mortals. As a result, they become more and more alienated from themselves and others, more and more unhappy, more and more dependent on their continuing popularity. Surrounded only by people who feed their inflated self-image, they become incapable of genuine relationships.

Albert Einstein, who was admired as almost superhuman and whose fate it was to become one of the most famous people on the planet, never identified with the image the collective mind had created of him. He remained humble, egoless. In fact, he spoke of “a grotesque contradiction between what people consider to be my achievements and abilities and the reality of who I am and what I am capable of.”5

This is why it is hard for a famous person to be in a genuine relationship with others. A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever. That alert attention is Presence. It is the prerequisite of any authentic relationship. The ego always either wants something, or if it believes there is nothing to get from the other, it is in a state of utter indifference: It doesn't care about you. And so, the three predominant states of egoic relationship are: wanting, thwarted wanting (anger, resentment, blaming, complaining), and indifference.