English title:
To mum:
If there is another choice, I wish I was not born;
But there is none, so at least we have each other.
2020.03.08 17:44
跑到格林尼治后，我请路人帮我拍的#每个人的平等 女性日主题照片
I asked a stranger to help for this #EachforEqual photo after I ran to Greenwich
写给我的妈妈，也写给所有被“好”捆绑住的女性和女孩。
A letter to my mum, also every woman and girl shackled by 'good’.
我最亲爱的妈妈，
My dearest Mum,
你有没有想象过另一种人生？如果当初你再坚定一点，再走得远一点，你会不会现在过着比目前更好的生活？或许你不是谁的妻子，谁的母亲，但至少你更有可能成为你自己一直想要成为的“阿信”。
Have you ever imagined a different life? If you were firmer, went further, would you have a better life than now? Maybe you will not be someone's wife, someone's mother, but you are more likely to be "Oshin" that you always want to be.
可能你即使想过，也还是会觉得要面对现实，尽可能地把自己现在能做的事情做到最好。但会不会你根本没有必要把这些事情都做到最好才能让你的生活幸福？这些事情应该都由你做吗？
Maybe even you once thought about other possibilities, yet you still think that you need to face the reality and try your best to live your current life. But are these daily routines you do necessary for your wellbeing? Should you be the one to do all of these?
我现在要是有时光机，可以穿越回去三次的话，第一次我希望自己能回到你9岁的时候，可以陪着你走夜路去奶奶家过夜，而且我还可以给视力开始下降的你配一副眼镜，这样你就不用在上课的时候假装自己能看清黑板上的字了。
If I have a time machine and I can use it for three times, I hope that first, I can go back to the age when you were at age 9, so we can be best friends and I can walk with you at the evening when you have to walk to another house to sleep with your grandmother, and I can give a pair of glass so you can wear, instead of pretending that you can see the characters clearly on the blackboard.
第二次，我希望自己能回到你18岁的时候，可以告诉你帮家里盖房子的时候当心脚下别跌倒。我还要催促你多读书、多看报、少看电视多思考。如果你已经戴上眼镜了，那就最好，不然我要逼迫你戴眼镜。我要督促你继续学习，不要囿于这个小村庄，世界还很广阔。最重要的是，我也要拉着你和阿姨一起就人生问题好好地谈一次话。我还要告诉你和阿姨，你们的优点与潜力，和你们一起规划未来，有努力为自己争取的勇气和力量，而不只是接受。
The second time I will choose to go back to your age 18, I can tell you to watch out when you help workers to buildthe new house. And I am to push you read more books and newspapers, less TV series and think more. If you already wear the glasses, that would be the best. If not, I will force you to wear. I will be at your side to tell you not to give up your study, the world is more than this village. The most important thing is that I will take you and aunty to talk about life. I want to tell you and aunty your good traits and potential, I would like to take part in planning your future, to support you two in formulating the courage and power to ask for something, not just accept.
如果我有时光机，前两次都失败了，那我的第三次尝试一定是在你认识我爸之前。我一定要竭力阻止你和我爸相识，要是我前两次都成功了，可能你更早就遇到了会珍惜你的人。
If I have a time machine, yet I failed the previous two times, I would definitely try to stop you from meeting my father. And if I succeeded in the previous two times, probably you would already meet a partner who cherishes you.
很可惜我没有时间机器。我知道如果你早点戴上了眼镜，早点和阿姨在你们成年后多点交流，没有和我爸结婚，你的人生会过得更好。我想告诉你教育、亲人之间的友情和爱情这三件事你可以都再重视一些、再重视一些。我希望你能尽早意识到教育对你成长的重要性、家人（尤其是阿姨）给你的支撑、以及寻找到一生伴侣的时候要多些时间看清楚一个人，不要着急，只因为身边的闲言碎语说你到了该结婚的年纪。
Sadly, I do not have a time machine. I can tell that your life would be much better if you had glasses in school, talked with aunty when you were both young adults, did not marry my father. I would like to inform you that education, the friendship between family siblings and love are three things that you should pay more attention to, pay more attention to these three. I wish that you can realise as early as possible how important education can be to your growth, family (in particular siblings) can be your strong support, and you really should spend more time on knowing someone thoroughly, do not rush when people told you that you are at an age to get married.
但是，我没有办法让生活撤销它对你做的这一切。但我至少可以告诉你，如果还不晚的话，让你知道你是一个我觉得无比幸运能够认识你这样一个超级棒的人：
However, I cannot undo what life has been done to you. But at least I can tell you something if not too late, I can let you know that you are a superb wonderful person and I am incredibly lucky that I get to know you in this way:
1. 你是一个有责任心的人，因此在周围的人看来你是值得信任、靠得住的；
You are a responsible person, so people around you always find you trustworthy
但我认为你有时候太负责任，因此揽了一些本来不应该都由你来做的事情，从而让你的身边出现了巨婴们，你还在继续照顾、忍受着他们。举例来说，家务和餐食，我不认为应该都由一个人来操持，除非是像我一样在独自生活。
I think sometimes you are being too responsible, sometimes you are doing things that should not be done by you, and you are surrounded by 'giant babies’, and you still take care and tolerate them. For example, I do not think housework and meals should be one person’s duty, unless someone is living like me all by myself.
2. 你的座右铭是贵在坚持，认准了一件事情就会想方设法去把这件事做成；
You live by “perseverance”, and you will try to work it out if you think it is your duty;
但我认为不是所有的事情都要坚持，有的时候放弃也是一种止损的明智做法。这件事情是否值得坚持，用你经商的角度来看，要看投入和产出是什么关系，用生命只有一次的观点来看，坚持做的事情应该是你想起来不觉得需要苦苦坚持，做的时候就可以乐在其中的事情。
I think not everything should be persisted, there are times when giving up is much wiser. Viewing if something is worthy of your perseverance, as a business, you need to see the relationship between your investment and production, as a person who only live once, what you keep doing should be something you do not need to feel you have to bear with, but something you would be happy to do it again and again.
3. 你给了女儿尽可能大的自由去追求自己的梦想，没有强加给我你的愿望；
You give me the maximum freedom to me (your daughter) to pursue my dream, instead of forcing me to realise your wishes;
但我认为有些时候你对我的着装和穿衣打扮有过多的关注了，我想要留的发型和穿的衣服不是为了好看。我希望尽可能多做贡献，不去消费。我头发留长是为了能够捐给癌症化疗后有需要假发的人，我剪短是因为到了足够的长度可以捐出去，不是因为我长发或短发好看。我穿自己喜欢的衣服不觉得非得要买新衣服，我穿阿姨的旧衣服也很开心。你总嫌弃我不穿漂亮衣服或者不够得体、不符合我年龄，让我觉得想翻白眼。因为我觉得自己没有必要添加新衣服啊，而且我穿着觉得很舒服自在啊。
But I still think your comment on my dressing and hairstyle is not actually essential. The hairstyle I want to have and the clothes I wear is not for beauty. I hope that I can contribute more and consume less to zero. I keep my hair to donate for people who need hair as wig due to cancer, I cut my hair when the hair is long enough to donate, not because I look good in long or short hair. I wear clothes I like and usually do not see the need to buy new clothes, and I am very happy to get my aunt’s clothes. You often comment that I am not wearing pretty clothes or not decent at my age, I just want to roll my eyes. Because I think there is no need for me to buy new clothes. I am comfortable and feel free in what I wear.
4. 你的积极上进很有感染力，配上你的忠厚、大方，让我感到见贤思齐；
You always take the positive side, and being loyal and kind as well as generous, I want to be someone like you to inspire more people;
这次没有任何但是。我就是表达对你身上这种特质的欣赏，我觉得你做事情尽力在你能力范围内去做到最好，哪怕稍微有点麻烦也不轻易拒绝掉机会要把生意做成，在朋友和家人有需要的时候，总是愿意伸出援手，这是非常难能可贵的优良品质。我只希望你能够在去照顾其他人的时候，也多喜欢自己一点，给自己一点时间，活出自己。
This time there is no but. I just want to appreciate that I think the good traits on you are shining. I can feel that you are always doing things to the best you can, even it is not very easy you would still be willing to make sure the customers get what they want, and you are willing to give a hand when friend and family members are in need. These are all very rare and precious virtues. I just hope that besides taking care of others, you also give yourself some time, to like yourself more, to live the life as you own it.
如果可以选择的话，我肯定不做你的女儿了，我更想做你的朋友，想在你需要的时候能够作为你的后台，让你挺直腰杆，觉得自己背后有人。因为朋友是双方自愿选择的，而母女总有种不得不的羁绊在，而且感觉你总得多照顾我。
If there is a choice, I do not want to be your daughter, I would like to be your friend, as I would like to be your backup when you need me, feeling like I am at your side, always. To me, friends means we choose to be there for each other, but mother and daughter seems to be some relation one has to live with, and you have to take care of me.
未来的日子里，我更希望能和你并肩而行，而不是被你保护。在你需要的时候，在我有能力的情况下，让我保护你、照顾你。但现在分隔两地，还是需要你先照顾好自己。我也会尽力好好活着。
In the future days, I prefer that I can walk with you shoulder by shoulder, not protected by you. And when you need me and I am capable, let me protect and take care of you. But before that, as we live in different places, you need to take care of yourself first. And I will try my best to live a good life.
你的女儿
Your daughter
2020.03.22
22nd March 2020
于 英国伦敦
London, UK
及：我不知道也无法控制未来会发生什么，我只希望妈妈在自己这只活一次的人生里更加活出自己，我永远在你身边，我爱你❤️
P.S. I do not know and cannot control what will happen in the future, all I hope is that you can live in the way you like in your one-and-only life, I will always be with you, and I love you ❤️
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