A joke: Real Estate
Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales ad for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all you say there?”
The agent said: “Certainly you have… Why do you ask?”
Murphy replied: “Cancel the sale… It’s too good to part with.”
Interviewing to become a detective
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?”
The first blonde answered, “That’s easy! We’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman said, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture shows his profile.”
Slightly confused by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?”
The second blonde laughed, and said, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily replied, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely disappointed at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?” He quickly added, “Add think hard before answering.”
The blonde looked at the picture closely for a moment and said, “Hmmm… The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn’t know whether the suspect wore contact lenses or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer… Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect’s file in his computer, and came back excited. “Wow!” he said, “I can’t believe it. It’s true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to see that?”
“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear!”
Riddles:
1
Pronounced as one letter,
But look and you’ll see
That really I’m written with three.
I’m read from both ends,
The same either way.
What am I?
2
If you were running a 100-meter race, you passed the person in 2nd place. What place would you be in now?
3
The word candy can be spelled using just two letters. Do you know how?
4
Mr. Steward was going out for a walk one day. He met his father-in-law’s only daughter’s mother-in-law. What did he call her?
Keys: 1. eye 2. The 2nd place 3. c and y 4. Mom
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
----Helen Keller
人世间最美好的东西是看不见摸不着的。它们必须用心去感知。
-----海伦·凯勒
幽默二则
Don’t thank me
Several years ago, Mr. Scot went to New York on business and stayed in a local hotel. He didn’t want to carry too much money with him, so he asked the desk clerk to put a hundred-dollar bill in the safe for him.
The next morning, however, the clerk said that he knew nothing about the money. Mr. Scot didn’t have any proof that he had given the man money. There was clearly nothing left to do but go to the nearest lawyer at once.
The lawyer advised Mr. Scot to return to the hotel with him and give another hundred-dollar bill to the clerk.
So they did. An hour later, Mr. Scot went back to the desk and asked for the money. Because he had the lawyer as an eyewitness (证人) to the second hundred-dollar bill, the clerk couldn’t say he knew nothing about it.
Another hour later, both the lawyer and Mr. Scot went to the hotel to ask for the hundred-dollar once again. No matter what he said, the clerk insisted that he had given it to him. Then the lawyer said, “I saw this gentleman give you a hundred-dollar bill. If you don’t hand it in immediately, we’ll call the police.” Now the clerk felt quite nervous, so he gave Mr. Scot back the first hundred-dollar bill.
“I don’t know how to thank you enough for getting my money back,” Mr. Scot said to the lawyer.
“Oh, don’t thank me.” The lawyer said, “That will be one hundred dollars, please.”
You’ve Got Mail
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a young lady, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.
About five minutes later, he saw the young woman again. She checked the mailbox once again, returned to her house empty handed.
She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. “Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?” the man asked.
“Because,” replied the young woman, “my computer keeps telling me that I’ve got mail!”
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