英文版:my depression

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My depression

The 2016-08-15 movement into I have focused on (2) a bunch of flowers

My depression.

Once dazed and confused, dreams of doing three table personnel, on behalf of the Chinese, on behalf of Asia, on behalf of the world. Indeed themselves step by step towards his dream, life is like a cool wind blowing across the face. Only secretly complacent, but don't know the dark clouds are coming. Gradually, vessels shall not be seething began to brush up until later self-injury suicide. But parents only think but you were part of rebellious character again, when phototherapy him. Perhaps the nature of perfectionism, affectionate, sensitive, delicate, I crazy competition with rivals. I also deteriorated because of this, the relationship between the open but I always disadvantage, naturally feel self-abased. Anxiety. Depressed. Sometimes things go wrong often, when a series of pressure comes, don't relate them independently, feel so useless, still remember a knife with a pencil in the hand back of the scene. To me, running is the only way. Murakami said: "running is a process of his body and soul dialogue to each other, he will help you understand life 3 q: who are you? Where? Where? When sweat, heart tell yourself to insist on down. Make my body more light, running heat gathered in the brain to a brief pleasure. But after a while I thought his piety can translate to the mercy of life, but you did wrong, you can you? Perhaps the pain of the life actually is not sad, but is ridiculous. If you found the absurd, you really can't live, no matter how beautiful the world is.

Of course you can't always have to live on their own will, society people have to follow the moral norms. I only choose immersed in the sea of books. Because reading lu xun, Lao tzu and Nietzsche's books. The whole people become pessimistic, decadent, negative and self-righteous. Such a mentality lasted for a long time. Until the end of a serious illness is third year. When the stomach acid to be not to speak, the rest is only despair.

I just walked out of the severe disease, at that time to the hospital the old elm tree in empathy, put the Buddha from their body can see the shadow of the past. Melancholy once hit me occupy me as vines conquered the oak tree level, also like vampire drew the vigor of life. I tried to break the chains, to find the wings of the heart has been broken. Actually helpless can break? Why god eyelids just up?

Feeling at that time is: want to die not dead into is fortunate to have feeling. Feeling: that is a kind of what kind of despair, it is a kind of what kind of despair? I used to think that crying is the most miserable condition, then I found tears flow after working from nothing is the more profound despair